Family by Birth and Choice

Summary

The web content discusses the concept of family, distinguishing between familial love by birth and the deeper, chosen love that can encompass family by choice, including friends and pets.

Abstract

The article reflects on the nature of family, emphasizing that it extends beyond blood relations to include those we feel a strong affection for and choose to consider as family. The author reminisces about a childhood conversation with their mother, who explained that love for family members can be a matter of respect and duty, but also a chosen affection. This dual perspective on family love is presented as an inclusive view, where the bonds of love and commitment create a family, whether through birth, marriage, friendship, or pet ownership. The piece concludes by affirming that family is ultimately a personal definition, shaped by the love and acceptance we choose to give.

Opinions

The author believes that family is not solely defined by blood relations but also by the love and connections we choose to cultivate.
There is a recognition that one can love family members out of respect and duty, even if there isn't a strong personal liking.
The article suggests that the ideal family relationship is one where both types of love—obligatory and chosen—are present.
It is implied that the chosen family, including friends and pets, holds equal importance to the family one is born into.
The author values the idea of intentionality in family relationships, emphasizing the act of choosing to open one's door and heart to family members.

Family is ultimately what we make of it

I remember confessing to my mother, when I was little, that I did not think I loved all the family members I named in my nightly prayers. “Is that okay?” I wondered. “Am I a terrible person?”

She explained to me, then, that she thought there were two kinds of love: one, a familial love that you accorded, like respect, out of the bonds of birth and “duty.” You may not like them much, but they are family. Nothing to feel guilty about, provided you were respectful and kind. The other was the kind of love you choose to bestow upon another person — a more affectionate love. To love and to like them. How wonderful when you feel both kinds of love towards your family members!

So, what is family? Family, to me, encompasses the family we’re born into — the ones we didn’t choose and who didn’t choose us. But it also encompasses those we choose to call family: spouses, family-by-marriage, and those ride-or-die friends we think of as family, even though we’re not related by blood. Devoted pet owners think of their furry friends as family, too.

Family, in the end, is what you think it is. Ultimately, we choose our family members intentionally. Love doesn’t always mean “like,” but it does mean leaving the porch light on and opening the door when they knock.

Holly Jahangiri is the author of Trockle ; A Puppy, Not a Guppy; and A New Leaf for Lyle. She draws inspiration from her family, from her own childhood adventures (some of which only happened in her overactive imagination), and from readers both young and young at heart. Visit her website at jahangiri.us and subscribe to her newsletter at https://hollyjahangiri.substack.com/

Relationships — September 10 Writing Prompt

Family by Birth and Choice

Family is ultimately what we make of it