Getting Paid for Sex Made Me Feel Powerful

I fell into sex work out of necessity and stayed in it because I enjoyed it

A couple of years ago, I left home with no plan, no money and no employment record. Living at home was akin to hell, and I needed my own space. My parents didn’t respect me or my autonomy, and at 19, I decided it was time to take some control of my life.

So I got a shared student house with some girls I’d never met before. The plan was to pay for rent using money from university. However, that didn’t pan out, and I had already signed the contracts.

So I set up on finding a job. The only problem was that I had never had a job before. I was never allowed one because I had to concentrate on school. So getting a job was hard. And I began to panic. I borrowed money where I could to make ends meet, and I applied for jobs everywhere with no avail. I also took out some payday loans. A mistake, but at the time, I was desperate. It was either that or go back home, tail tucked between legs and mounting debt.

In hindsight, I should have just applied for universal credit. However, in my pride, I decided that I wasn’t needy enough. I was swallowed by the stigma associated with it and decided against it.

One day I came across an article about a popular website in which women could find men who would pay them allowances. My view of sex is very primal — almost all animals do it, so it’s not that special when we do it too — so I signed up.

Very soon I got to talking to different gentlemen. The site had a verification option that you could pay for, so I only spoke to the men who were verified. Though I was nervous, very soon, I met my first client.

We had shared pictures before we had met, so I knew exactly what to expect. He was a lawyer in his mid-30s. He had booked us a hotel in London, and we went to a sushi restaurant where they changed upwards of £30 for a tiny plate. He was nice though liked to hear the sound of his voice so rarely did I ever have the chance to speak — though I didn’t mind too much. We spent the night together though he left early to go to work (which he had mentioned the night before). Within 24 hours, I was back home, and my rent was covered for a few months.

Within three months of meeting my first client, I had finally found a job, thus beginning my career in hospitality. However, over the next few years, I had up to twenty different clients. Who either paid me with money for gifts (which I sold to cover my costs). Though I worked full time and I was able to pay my rent, I found it difficult to leave the industry. I enjoyed it.

I enjoy having sex with different people. Familiarity grants a more pleasurable experience; however, I enjoy the adventure of discovering someone’s body. I get high off of doing it for ‘the first time’. The newness of the experience can not be beaten. One of the first things I think when I meet someone is “I wonder what they will be like in bed”. Because with sex, you can never judge a book by its cover. I get off on the intrigue.

So with sex work, I was essentially getting paid to do what I loved. I was always picky with my clients, so it never felt like a chore. There is this belief that the only men who hire sex workers are those who can’t get laid in real life. In truth, the majority of people I met were businessmen who had no time to meet women outside of working hours. Who had no time for a relationship either so short scheduled sexual encounters that fitted around their work was ideal.

The services I did also depended on the men. Some just wanted someone to talk to, whereas others wanted sex. There was one point where I was getting paid half my rent for a five-minute blowjob! Now, I hate giving blowjobs, but I definitely enjoyed giving those. At times I would play with myself during, getting close to orgasming.

I think it was through this positive reinforcement that I began to associate being paid for sex with being horny.

After a year at my workplace, my responsibilities increased, so I didn’t have the time for meeting up with clients. Once another six months had passed, I deleted my accounts as there was no need for them. I thought my days of being paid for sex were over; however, life seemed to have other plans.

I received a text from Matthew, a guy I had dated a few years ago. Things had not ended well as he had dumped me for another girl he had met, so I was a little icy. As it does when reacquainting with previous paramours, the conversation segued into the sexual. I was quick to reject his advances, telling him if he wanted to have sex with me he’d have to pay me. To my surprise, he agreed.

It took some time for me to believe him, but he asked for my bank details and low and beheld he sent me half of my rent. It was different from having previous clients because I knew him and we’d had sex before, but the sex was just as satisfying.

Many people believe sex workers are ‘cheap’ for getting paid for sex, but I love it. I like that there is a reward. I feel insatiably naughty every time I paid for something with my sex-money. I feel alive and excitable when I hang out with my friends, and they are none the wiser to what I have been doing with my day. I get off of the taboo nature of it all.

Until sex work gets legalised, it will always be a high-risk profession. It isn’t something I advocate for people to do. I am well aware that for some, they are pushed into the life, having little control or choice in what they do. However, we need to realise that some of us do it because we enjoy it. Sex work is seen as a last resort; however, I believe that it’s time for a culture change.

In feminist circles, there is a conversation occurring on whether sex work is empowering for degrading. I think it depends on the individual (much as with everything in this life). I always felt at my sexiest when I was paid for sexual encounters. I felt powerful and in control of my feminity, sexuality and autonomy. It wasn’t about the money, but the metaphorical exchange of power. My body felt like it was mine.

It is not glamorous, but I had fun and enjoyed my job — though not everyone does. However, I was lucky. I was also extremely privileged to not rely on it as income for more than a couple of months, which is why I believe in the decriminalisation of sex work so that it is safer for those vulnerable and with little choice.

All in all, there are dangers, as with any profession. Everyone should always prepare before doing what it is that they want to do. Sex work isn’t always sunshine and flowers, it’s extremely dangerous. But for some of us, the enjoyment comes from the risk.

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