I’m Sorry but I Won’t Suck Your Dick
Blowjobs have never been a turn on for me

When I first started having sex, I used to be so enthusiastic. It didn’t matter the task, I would attack it with 110%. I would give porn star worthy blowjobs. I’d lick, suck, gag. Play with balls, pop one (sometimes two) in my mouth. I made blowjobs my bitch. I could get guys to come in record time and soon enough it was something that they always asked for.
However, soon enough I realised that I was giving disproportionately to what I was being given. So I slowly began to change my behaviour. I decided from that moment that I wouldn’t suck the dick of guys who refused to go down on me. Sex shouldn’t be a transactional endeavour but times were hard, and this was the only way of achieving equality in bed. Young men, can be pretty selfish and it worked!
I would get pleasured and so would he. But alas all good things must come to an end. There seemed to be a pattern of men who would lick me out for 5 minutes before giving up whereas I would only stop when they’d cum.
So another reorganisation of my department was needed, and I decided from that point onwards that blowjobs were for relationships only. Many men complained but alas their threats were hollow and once they got over the initial shock things were fine.
But then the unexpected happened. Not giving blowjobs made me realise how much I didn’t miss not giving them. From there I began to question whether I actually ever had. I always knew that I didn’t find them a turn on. But my hiatus brought about the sheer extent to my dislike.
I realised that throughout the years I’d been giving them because I thought I had to and not because I wanted to. Very rarely had I given a blowjob and enjoyed it. In fact, they kind of creeped me out.
I’m bisexual so this led to a minor existential crisis where I contemplated whether I was actually a lesbian (after watching ‘The King’ I can confirm that I am not). In the end I accepted it’s something that I would rather abstain from.
If I want to give them, I will. However, in the past 2 years I have probably given around 3 so men, don’t hold your breath. As I said above, though sex isn’t meant to be transactional, I will happily omit receiving head so that I don’t have to give it. There is nothing wrong with straight forward fucking, or hand stuff!
I refuse to be a pillow princess! But I also refuse to do something that makes me uncomfortable. Maybe this will all change when I meet someone who sexually drives me insane? Maybe it’s not blowjobs but the men I’ve given them to? I don’t know. But for now just know it’s nothing personal guys, it’s just not my cup of tea.
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