The Anti-Sex Bucket List
A list of all the sexual deeds I am in no rush to try.
I’ve seen a lot of wonderful sex bucket lists over the past week or so. Reading them meant that I wanted to do my own, however, to avoid repeating what has already been said and done by other authors I have decided to do mine with a twist — detailing all the things that have never interested me sexually.
I pride myself on being someone who is down to try anything once however, there are some things that I am in no rush to explore. Some may surprise you whereas others may be a little common.
*Disclaimer — all the things mentioned below are my own personal preferences. Just because I am not a fan, doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy them. If at any time you read something that comes across as borderline kink-shamey, please don’t hesitate to tell me and I’ll find a way to rephrase the content of this essay!
Threesomes
People are always surprised when I tell them I’ve never had a threesome. Even more so when I tell them it’s something I’m in no rush to try out. It just seems like too many people. I’ve seen porn and someone always gets the short straw!!
Though we all know porn isn’t representative of real life, I can’t help but think there will be a lot more repositioning than fucking going down. Maybe it’s because I’m clumsy and awkward but there is just too much going on for my mind to handle. If I did do one I would prefer it with another woman or with two bi/pan guys… I think that would make for an interesting dynamic.
Sex on the beach
Perhaps this is because I hate the beach. I’m not much of a sun gal. I prefer concrete and mild/colder weather. I think going to the beach is much more fun than being at the beach.
As soon as skin touches water, the sand begins to congregate in places you didn’t even know you could get sand. It takes days to get rid of it all and you leave a mark where ever you go. So sex on the beach has never been enticing. I cringe at the thought of sand in my vagina. Also don’t you need a solid base for fucking? I can’t help but think it would be extra exhausting. So personally I think I’ll stick to the cocktail!!
Sex with food
I also hate crumbs in the bed. The princess in the pea may seem like a fetched tale but I can totally see where she was coming from! If someone has eaten in my bed, I can tell. Even after it’s been dusted. My skin is very sensitive and I am also very lazy. It just seems like a lot of cleanup for nothing.
I also hate being sticky. I can only bear it for so long before I have to wash myself. So I can just tell sex with food won’t go down well. Which is strange because I love both separately. But together… it’s a no from me.
Making a sex tape
I get the appeal. I have heard from people that it is very sexy however I have battled body dysmorphia my whole life. As it stands, I have barely any pictures of myself due to deleting them throughout the years. I hate looking at myself because it triggers anxiety. So add that to getting naked on camera?! I don’t think I would survive! Nor would I ever want to watch it over.
In my mind I can see how and why it would be liberating, however, I don’t think I am that brave as of yet. Maybe in a few years after having worked through my demons?
BDSM
I do enjoy mild aspects of BDSM. Like I mentioned in an earlier piece, I love being choked. However, I don’t like being hit, whipped or even spanked.
We can blame my parents for that one. Years of physical abuse means I can’t think of anything worse to do in the bedroom. I just start thinking about my dad or my childhood and no one needs that! Perhaps this is another one where I’d need to work on my unresolved trauma before attempting again? But from experience, it is an efficient turn-off for me.
Mile high club
This is one I don’t get. Those toilets are tiny! Maybe 1st class toilets are different? But I don’t even like peeing in airplanes, let alone fucking in them! I would be lying if I claimed sex in the air makes me horny. Apparently for some, an alleged explanation for wanting to perform the act is the supposed vibration of the plane but I don’t know about that…
A survey in the 2010s, 9% of Americans claimed to have had a sexual encounter in an airplane seat, 17% in the airplane bathroom, 5% with a stranger on an airplane, and 3% with a crew member. Which is very interesting. But I will put my hands up and say, this is a straight no for me.
Getting pregnant
This was just a fun humourous one I wanted to add for those who are paying attention! Though it’s also true. I don’t want children so I’m very militant with my protection and contraception (I use both always). No babies over here!
And that’s the list
There are a lot of things I’ve done already — sex in public, double penetration, period sex, one night stand, marathon sex and anal sex — and quite a few things I’d be interested to try — pegging, elevator sex, smart toys — but these are the things that come to mind that I personally am not in to.
I am open to trying some but we’ll see. Maybe I’ll update the list in a year?
Thank you to Sex With T.S., Meaghan, Yael, Ena, Demeter and Nicole for the inspiration!
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