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Abstract

sometimes apart for long periods of time, I would borrow his clothes, as well — but it was his shirts that I preferred, not his underwear. I loved smelling the underarm area, where the scent of his sweat and deodorant lingered. This turned me on so much when I needed a solo release, or was a simple comfort at night, when I was alone in bed, missing him.</p><p id="8364"><a href="https://readmedium.com/men-let-us-smell-you-690330887bf5">I’ve always been a fan of the body’s natural scents.</a> I think there’s nothing sexier than the way a man smells without cologne, without the overwhelming fragrance of strong deodorants. I even love the animal stink of a man who’s just come in from a hot morning of yard work. (Well, most of the time.)</p><p id="068c">Sure, have fun with scented lubes, candles, a little incense, from time to time. But make it a regular practice to enjoy one another’s scents — especially when they haven’t showered all day. Our sense of smell plays a huge role in sexual attraction — don’t waste it on scents that cover up one another’s pheromones!</p><h1 id="2833">Hearing</h1><p id="413f">One of the things that turns me on most during the act of sex is simply hearing expressions of pleasure. It took me a long time to free myself from the shame of audibly expressing my sexual pleasure, but once I did it, I couldn’t stop. <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-i-make-noise-in-the-bedroom-e73f3f5a957d">I love hearing myself</a> grunt, groan, whimper, and cry out. Even more than that, I love hearing my partner do the same.</p><p id="4612">My last partner did not express his pleasure audibly very often — mostly only <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-i-think-hand-jobs-have-been-woefully-underrated-215a0fbce3f8">when I gave him hand jobs</a>. But damn, when he made those little groans in the back of his throat, it gave me as much pleasure as if <i>he </i>was the one touching me between <i>my </i>legs.</p><p id="f42e">Let yourself express your pleasure. Keep it simple; keep it wild; keep it wordless. Those feral sounds are incredibly hot.</p><h1 id="9b86">Sight</h1><p id="3dbe">We all know how important visual stimulation is in the bedroom. We get turned on by the sight of our partners’ bodies. Maybe you enjoy sexy lingerie or the view you get of one another from certain positions.</p><p id="afc9">But are you <i>really </i>looking? Are you taking in all the things that turn you on the most? (Women, I’m talking to you primarily. So many of us have been taught <i>not to look</i> — so many of us close our eyes. But we’re missing so much of the experience that way.)</p><p id="caff">I got so aroused watching my partner touch me. He had beautiful, long fingers and I loved to watch them grasp at my breasts or dig in to my hips or thighs. I loved to watch him suck on my nipples, especially when I was on top. In the submissive position of missionary, it drove me wild to watch him kneel between my legs and position himself to slide inside me.</p><p id="e891">In our culture that places so much shame around sexuality, it can be hard — especially for women — to fully engage in the sense of sight. We might feel comfortable in the early stages, when we’re mostly just admiring one another’s bodies with light and teasing touches, but it’s

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so satisfying to fully take in the action when things get steamy.</p><h1 id="7a13">Touch</h1><p id="9741">Although this is the one sense that cannot be ignored during sex, I still think we fail to fully utilize touch in the bedroom. We tend to focus on the basic erogenous zones and for long-term couples, it can be easy to fall into the habit of performing reliable sequences of stimulation on one another again and again and again.</p><p id="ed48">Don’t neglect your partner’s body —<i> all </i>of your partner’s body. Touch each other’s hair, kiss behind the ears, get into the soft skin inside the elbows and behind the knees.</p><p id="2794">If you know and trust your partner and it’s safe, forego the condom. Feel the intensity of skin against skin with no barrier between you.</p><p id="d140">Men, come when you’re still inside your partner more often (again, if it’s safe to do so), instead of pulling out and giving her the hose-down. Many of us<i> love </i>it when you come inside us — it feels good and strengthens the emotional bond between us.</p><p id="cbea">If possible, don’t pull out right away. Linger in your embrace, still connected.</p><p id="4d0b">Touch more. Connect more.</p><p id="521b">It might seem so simple, but that’s exactly the point. We’ve been bombarded with sexperts telling us how to enhance the sexual experience, but really, what we need to do is to indulge more often in our most primal tendencies. We need to strip away all the frills, the bells and whistles, and get down to what makes sex so goddamn amazing: our most basic, instinctual nature.</p><p id="f563"><b>This article was written for <a href="https://medium.com/sexography/howl/home"><i>Howl by Yael Wolfe</i></a>, a weekly column. © <a href="undefined">Yael Wolfe</a> 2019</b></p><figure id="90c8"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*6lR_R7-K9vMjlOcy6Jm8sQ.png"><figcaption>Graphic by Yael Wolfe</figcaption></figure><div id="1f9b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-understanding-the-menstrual-cycle-can-lead-to-a-better-sex-life-8442c384fac5"> <div> <div> <h2>How Understanding the Menstrual Cycle Can Lead to a Better Sex Life</h2> <div><h3>I’m not just talking to the ladies here — men, you need to know this, too.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*FphBNZwbWysiD5ZXI4cwKQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="0b74" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/do-sexual-partners-leave-an-energetic-imprint-748420ba2911"> <div> <div> <h2>Do Sexual Partners Leave an Energetic Imprint?</h2> <div><h3>Exploring what’s beyond the physical act of sex.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*xKCu9pjLlq6IWpZMXbK_MQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Getting Back to Basic Instincts in the Bedroom

How to use the five senses to heighten sexual intimacy

Google “sex and the five senses” and you’ll find dozens of articles on this topic. They list sexy foods you can bring to bed, edible lubes to try, music to play during sex, and the scented candles that will likely increase sex drive.

While I think it’s important to try new things in the bedroom, I also appreciate simplicity. Our bodies were perfectly designed to enjoy the act of sex without any embellishment. When you can intensely focus on your partner’s body and your own without any distraction, it’s sometimes easier to access that most primal part of ourselves, that part of us driven solely by instinct.

So what if we took all the props away? What would be left?

Taste

I don’t enjoy edible lube or flavored condoms. I don’t need to lick honey off my partner’s chest (though I’d be happy to if he asked me).

I just want to taste my lover’s body.

I love a deep, gaping kiss, the touch of our tongues coming together, the taste of his mouth. I love the salty taste of sweat on the skin and I love to lick the tip of a penis.

It’s so simple a thing, but tasting one another is such an important part of sex. Every now and then, ditch all the chemical tastes of your lubes and condoms. Skip the food play.

Instead, taste each other. Nibble in between kisses. Take long, broad licks across nipples, around the underarm, along the neck, and behind the knees. Kiss shamelessly after giving your partner oral sex and share everything you just tasted.

Get to know each other’s bodies in a way that is too often ignored.

Smell

One of the sexiest things that ever happened to me was the night my partner yanked my panties off, knelt between my legs, and took in a long, deep inhale. I had never had a man do that to me before and I was overwhelmed with how accepted it made me feel and how completely carnal the action was.

He also had a panty fetish and early in our relationship loved to borrow my underwear after I’d worn it. He said he slept with it on his pillow so he could smell me as he slept and he sometimes wrapped it around his penis to use it as a masturbatory aid. I was so turned on by this that I asked him once to teach me how to masturbate him with my panties — an activity we regularly enjoyed after that.

When we were first dating and sometimes apart for long periods of time, I would borrow his clothes, as well — but it was his shirts that I preferred, not his underwear. I loved smelling the underarm area, where the scent of his sweat and deodorant lingered. This turned me on so much when I needed a solo release, or was a simple comfort at night, when I was alone in bed, missing him.

I’ve always been a fan of the body’s natural scents. I think there’s nothing sexier than the way a man smells without cologne, without the overwhelming fragrance of strong deodorants. I even love the animal stink of a man who’s just come in from a hot morning of yard work. (Well, most of the time.)

Sure, have fun with scented lubes, candles, a little incense, from time to time. But make it a regular practice to enjoy one another’s scents — especially when they haven’t showered all day. Our sense of smell plays a huge role in sexual attraction — don’t waste it on scents that cover up one another’s pheromones!

Hearing

One of the things that turns me on most during the act of sex is simply hearing expressions of pleasure. It took me a long time to free myself from the shame of audibly expressing my sexual pleasure, but once I did it, I couldn’t stop. I love hearing myself grunt, groan, whimper, and cry out. Even more than that, I love hearing my partner do the same.

My last partner did not express his pleasure audibly very often — mostly only when I gave him hand jobs. But damn, when he made those little groans in the back of his throat, it gave me as much pleasure as if he was the one touching me between my legs.

Let yourself express your pleasure. Keep it simple; keep it wild; keep it wordless. Those feral sounds are incredibly hot.

Sight

We all know how important visual stimulation is in the bedroom. We get turned on by the sight of our partners’ bodies. Maybe you enjoy sexy lingerie or the view you get of one another from certain positions.

But are you really looking? Are you taking in all the things that turn you on the most? (Women, I’m talking to you primarily. So many of us have been taught not to look — so many of us close our eyes. But we’re missing so much of the experience that way.)

I got so aroused watching my partner touch me. He had beautiful, long fingers and I loved to watch them grasp at my breasts or dig in to my hips or thighs. I loved to watch him suck on my nipples, especially when I was on top. In the submissive position of missionary, it drove me wild to watch him kneel between my legs and position himself to slide inside me.

In our culture that places so much shame around sexuality, it can be hard — especially for women — to fully engage in the sense of sight. We might feel comfortable in the early stages, when we’re mostly just admiring one another’s bodies with light and teasing touches, but it’s so satisfying to fully take in the action when things get steamy.

Touch

Although this is the one sense that cannot be ignored during sex, I still think we fail to fully utilize touch in the bedroom. We tend to focus on the basic erogenous zones and for long-term couples, it can be easy to fall into the habit of performing reliable sequences of stimulation on one another again and again and again.

Don’t neglect your partner’s body — all of your partner’s body. Touch each other’s hair, kiss behind the ears, get into the soft skin inside the elbows and behind the knees.

If you know and trust your partner and it’s safe, forego the condom. Feel the intensity of skin against skin with no barrier between you.

Men, come when you’re still inside your partner more often (again, if it’s safe to do so), instead of pulling out and giving her the hose-down. Many of us love it when you come inside us — it feels good and strengthens the emotional bond between us.

If possible, don’t pull out right away. Linger in your embrace, still connected.

Touch more. Connect more.

It might seem so simple, but that’s exactly the point. We’ve been bombarded with sexperts telling us how to enhance the sexual experience, but really, what we need to do is to indulge more often in our most primal tendencies. We need to strip away all the frills, the bells and whistles, and get down to what makes sex so goddamn amazing: our most basic, instinctual nature.