Garden Plot
Ode to a rat.
To the miserable coot who lives next door, come out of your hole and I’ll tell you more.
I’ll tell you what I’d like to do to you, your wife and your perfect lawn, too.
For twenty years we’ve lived in this town where, I fervently hope that you’ll soon be gone.
For twenty years not once have you said “Hello,” “How are you?” or even, “Drop dead.”
Yet as soon as a weed pops up in our grass, you call up the city to kick our ass.
Because you’re a coward and that’s what they do, they don’t have the balls to just talk to you.
You’re a sad, nasty creep with a bucket and stick. Oh yeah, I forgot you’re also a hick.
A hick who no doubt voted for Trump and for that alone, you’re a redneck chump.
So the city they fined us for having a few weeds, are you happy, you bastard, for sowing those seeds?
I’d like to take that bucket, shove it over your head, beat you with that stick, until you’re good and dead.
Dig a trench in your lawn that’s so thick and green, dig a trench deep enough to cover you in.
Ha! Lucky for you, I’m nicer than that, but push me again and you’ll be wearing that “hat.”
Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.
If you enjoyed this, you might like the other stories, below.
Also, if you’re seeking further distractions during this tough time, please consider subscribing to my new newsletter, where I’ll do my damndest to keep you entertained.
