Making Up During a Pandemic

Time to make those eyes POP.

To say that I look and feel like a street person lately would be maligning those unfortunates who have no shelter. And that’s not my intent, so forgive me.

But it’s not far from the truth. I wear the same (clean) schleppy clothes every day and my hair is always up in a clip, and, unless I’m venturing out to risk my health for an “essential” household item, I rarely wear makeup.

This from a woman for whom a red lip is the be-all and end-all of sex appeal.

However, it must be said that I still do take care of myself. I shower daily, wash my hair, exfoliate my body, shave my legs and after, slather on one of my multitudes of body lotions. Or, coconut oil depending upon my mood.

The reason being — we just can’t give up on ourselves. And, my daily hot bath or shower is a place where I can let my shoulders slump, close my eyes and let the misery of this time wash over, and out of me. Well…over me, anyway. On the inside, I resemble Edvard Munch’s most famous composition.

Plus, my husband is miserable enough as it is. I wear a game face because I don’t want to make him feel even worse. Because, you know, that’s not me.

At the grocery store yesterday, as I was looking around at all the shoppers (thankfully) wearing masks, it hit me that this will be the “look” for a long time coming. That’s the implication from the “experts,” anyway. We still have a hell of a long row to hoe.

The scientists, researchers, and doctors have to find a vaccine. They just have to, because I, for one, am close to losing it. I’ll bet you are, too.

Meanwhile, in an effort to keep what’s left of my brain cells, I was thinking about the makeup thing. How we mask-wearing folk have only our “windows to the soul,” our eyes, as a means of connecting with others.

We can’t flash a dazzling smile or an impish grin or even, a self-satisfied smirk. Speaking intelligibly is out.

So we need to go the extra mile and make our eyes stand out above the masks!

How do we achieve this? With makeup, of course. And you dudes, this is for you, as well. The rules are out the friggin’ window, know what I mean?

If you want to wear mascara, borrow your wife or partner or sister’s tube of Maybelline Great Lash and pile it on! (The pink tube. The one they sell — I don’t know — every half a second.)

I’ve always been a fan of the smoky eye. During “normal” times, I sweep a bronze-colored shadow, sometimes with a little sheen, over my upper lids, all the way to the brow. Then I buff it out with a finger.

Lining my upper lids is not an option because I can’t see well enough with one eye closed! I would love to be able to master that cat-eye effect but I’m not ready to look like an ass-clown. Maybe in a few years when my hair is blue and my actual ass hangs down to my similarly blue-veined feet, but not quite yet.

Normally, I add a little shimmer in the corner of my eyes to wake them up. This really works. You don’t have to go crazy, just a little bit makes a big difference.

“Bedroom eyes” are one thing. Sleepy eyes…eh.

I line my bottom lids with a soft eye pencil or shadow-coated cotton swab. Here’s where I get creative and mix up the colors. If I’m feeling lazy, I’ll just go with something in a brown tone, but, since my eyes are so dark as to be nearly black, I really have to work to make them stand out. Teal or purple are good choices for this. On the outer corners, I like to use a dark blue or black to “lift” the eye.

Colored mascara is fun, too. A dark blue is a flattering option and a good starting point if you’ve never veered from black or brown.

Eyebrows? Mine are left to their own devices. I don’t bother them. They don’t bother me.

Okay, time out! Now here’s where I tell you to forget everything I just stated and write your own rules. Remember when blue eyeshadow was a “thing?” Let’s make it a thing, again! In fact, f*ck rules!

Blue. Orange. Yellow. Green. Whatever makes your peepers pop and makes you feel good is the right way to go.

Pile on the shadow, liner, and mascara. Play makeup artist for your partner. Who knows what that could lead to?

And screw subtlety. Use as much shimmer and glitz and glitter as you like. Pretend you’re David Bowie morphing into his Ziggy Stardust persona.

Have a glass of wine at the ready, or “spa water,” if that’s more your thing, so you can toast yourself when you’ve achieved just the right look.

Put your mask on and check yourself out in the mirror. Don’t bother smiling because you won’t see it.

Now, don’t those eyes pop? You can see them a mile away, right? Like Don Knotts on steroids. (Millenials, look him up.)

I hope I was of some help in reminding you that, just because we’re in the middle of a shit-show, that doesn’t mean we have to look like ca-ca.

Finally, take a few moments to admire your handiwork and while you’re at it, hope to hell that sometime soon, you’ll have someplace to show it off.

Other than Costco.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

Thanks very much for reading. If you enjoyed this, you might like the other stories, below.

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