Summary

The article discusses the progression of abuse from childhood behaviors towards animals to adult relationships, emphasizing the importance of empathy and the impact of emotional abuse on personal development and relationships.

Abstract

The author explores the origins of abusive behavior, suggesting that it can stem from a lack of correction during childhood when interacting with animals or others. This behavior, initially seen as play or adventure, can escalate to controlling animals and eventually people, boosting the abuser's self-worth. The article underscores the significance of instilling empathy to prevent the emergence of bullies and abusers. Personal anecdotes reveal the long-term effects of emotional abuse on the author's life, including difficulty in intimate relationships and a struggle with self-identity. The conclusion advises seeking therapy or confiding in a non-judgmental friend to heal from such experiences.

Opinions

The author believes that abusive behavior is learned from childhood and can be directed towards animals before progressing to people.
There is a conviction that controlling animals can lead to a desire to control people, which is a form of abuse.
The article expresses that a lack of empathy or correction in childhood can contribute to the development of a bully or abuser.
The author shares a personal stance on the detrimental effects of emotional abuse, including its impact on their ability to form deep connections and maintain a sense of self.
There is an opinion that emotional abuse is a significant issue, despite some people dismissing it as "not a thing."
The author admits to personal challenges in seeking therapy due to various obstacles, indicating a broader issue with accessibility to mental health resources.
The conclusion conveys a strong recommendation for therapy or confiding in a trusted friend as means to cope with and heal from emotional abuse.

From Squashing Bugs to Squashing People

How abuse starts.

Some people are just abusive but I think it can be learned as well. It may be called something else like “play,” “learning,” or “adventure.” It is in our nature to poke to see how something will react. As children we are either corrected or not. If not then it grows and grows. The person keeps poking and poking and doesn’t ever stop. Controlling bugs, torturing and killing them starts the process and brings out happiness and power to the abuser.

Something in me, a knowing, tells me this is truth.

It goes from having dogs, cats, turtles, snakes, horses and getting them to bend to your will to doing the same with people. Controlling others is a big bump to the abusers self-worth.

Something in me, a knowing, tells me this is truth. Because while the person thinks they are training an entity they are really bending it to their will and abuse could be a sub-product of the training.

Before you walk away to go to another writer, hear me out!

Thanks for staying!

Someone in that child’s life never explained how it’s wrong to pull off wings or pull off legs from insects to see how they would react.

How would you react if someone pulled off your leg? Would you be in pain? What if they plucked out one of your eyes and put it on a stick? How would you react? If empathy is not instilled or if feelings are not involved you end up with the “schoolyard bully” that everyone is afraid of.

When my twins were in elementary school there was a girl that befriended them. She always wanted to be with them, mothering them and smothering them and keeping them from playing with anyone but her. The boys told me and thought it was funny to a degree. They were only seven or so. I didn’t think it was funny at all. I told the teacher. Ultimately, the girl was upset about it, but went on with her life. Maybe she bullied other kids! Who knows, just not my kids.

If it didn’t bother them they would not have said anything to me about it. I just know how I would feel if this were to happen to me and I know I wouldn’t like it.

Past abuse.

I am so sick of feeling like this.

Killing Me Softly

He was trying to find what would.

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I am very vigilant about it happening again that I keep a potential life partner at bay. I don’t want it to happen again and I don’t want to take that chance. I know me and I will fall back into the habit of letting someone tell me what to do, how to feel, what to say, how to act, how to look, what to wear, etc., etc., etc. No! I can’t go there again!

It is a personality flaw. I feel weak when others see me as self-determined resilient and strong. I feel scared when others see bravery. I feel anxious when others see determination. My inside doesn’t match my outside. My outside is a mask hiding myself from the scary world around me.

My mask keeps me from deep love because I’ve done it before and I don’t want to go there again. It has happened so many times and it is sad thinking about it. I don’t want to live through it anymore. All the endings are the same resulting in dead emotions and leaving in one form or another through escape or death.

Living with Lifelong Trauma

How you can deal with it because it never just goes away.

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Maybe it’s me and I am the bad piece of the puzzle. People get aggravated and frustrated with me because after a while I can’t be molded to their liking anymore. Something occurs and it shuts me down. A word, a look, a personality flaw, an expectation I don’t agree with, a lie; it all turns into dead feelings that I can’t bring back alive and can’t fix.

Don’t get me wrong, not everyone I meet is like this, only the ones I have an intimate or familial relationship with. I have run into many abusers starting with my mom, many bosses that I have had in corporate America, husbands, (yes, more than one) and other immediate family. So I am not speaking in general when I say, I HAVE BEEN EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ALL MY LIFE.

Some people feel that it is “not a thing.” They say “well if so, why didn’t you leave?” My response now is “I did” or in other circumstances, “I couldn’t at the time.” Other people that have high self-esteem say, “it is their problem and doesn’t have anything to do with me.” That is a great viewpoint!

Being abused and letting it happen through love has taken a toll on my life. Now, there are many things holding me back from getting therapy that I don’t know if I will ever feel better again. I don’t think I know what the word “happy” means. I don’t think I can understand the concept of “play” and I’m afraid to “love” in all of its concepts. I don’t want to lose control anymore to my emotions. Is this finally maturity or a real need to trust?

Bless me. I’m doing my best and maybe the “sun will come out tomorrow” and I will just “let it be.”

Conclusion:

Stay safe, stay strong, get therapy or if you can’t because of financial limits, talk to a trusted friend that will not be judgemental and is a good listener. Explain to them they don’t have to do anything. Listening works.

Jo Ann Harris is an author, parent, book devotee, writer, copywriter, and film fanatic. She is an autodidact who learns about everything and rows her own boat. She grew up and worked in Atlanta, Georgia and lived there sixty years. She writes articles about love, hope, personal life stories, advice and poems. She is a published author with an article in Woman’s World magazine in October, 2017.