Summary

Jo Ann Harris discusses living with lifelong trauma from emotional and physical abuse, sharing personal struggles and coping strategies.

Abstract

Jo Ann Harris opens up about her ongoing battle with trauma stemming from emotional and physical abuse, emphasizing the persistent nature of such experiences despite efforts to move on. She details the impact of her trauma on her daily life, including overanalyzing criticism and feeling responsible for others' actions. Harris reflects on her time in corporate America, where she had to suppress her sensitivity to maintain her job, leading to exhaustion. As a mother, she cares for her twin sons, who have faced their own challenges, including the suicide of their father. Despite her efforts, she feels her guidance is met with indifference. Harris offers strategies for coping with trauma, such as avoiding judgmental people, studying trauma, writing as therapy, being mindful of one's environment, practicing self-care, and maintaining a focus on the present. She advocates for personal resilience and the belief that issues can resolve over time.

Opinions

Harris believes that despite others' suggestions to "get over" her trauma, the memories and feelings persistently affect her life.
She feels that her sensitivity is both a strength and a weakness in her personal and professional life.
Harris suggests that people with lifelong trauma should surround themselves with non-judgmental individuals.
She emphasizes the importance of self-education about trauma and its effects as a means of coping.
Writing one's story is recommended as a therapeutic tool for dealing with past traumas.
Harris advocates for mindfulness and self-awareness, suggesting that individuals should remove themselves from situations or around people that trigger negative feelings.
Self-care, including meditation, prayer, exercise, and professional health services, is highlighted as crucial for managing trauma's after-effects.
She encourages focusing on the present and finding joy in daily activities.
Harris maintains that kindness should be a constant practice, disagreeing with the notion that people cannot be nice all the time.

Living with Lifelong Trauma

How you can deal with it when it never goes away.

I have written on Medium a lot about my lifelong trauma with emotional and physical abuse. I have had family members say, “You need to get over that!”

You know I would if I could but the memories are still there. The feelings are still there. I know I should move on and have done many things in order to do that, but it’s all still there. I feel my life has been ripped off. I’ve never had anything great and it is paralyzing me. For instance, a slightly critical comment turns into a month-long think-a-thon.

What did I do? What did I say to bring that about? He/she doesn’t like me because I can’t perform to his/her standards. Sometimes it looks like I don’t care, but I care deeply.

Am I not a viable person? Was I born without a backbone? Do I not have the right to voice opinions without people getting upset? Other people live through that, why can’t I?

“You are just too sensitive” I’ve been told. “It’s all in your mind, I didn’t do anything.”

No one ever apologizes either.

https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/what-is-highly-sensitive-person/

Working in corporate America all my life I had to desensitize myself. If I didn’t I couldn’t keep a job. I would be hurt all the time with comments or frustrations but still received highest ratings when it came to reviews.

I did feel it but turned it off. Then by the end of the day or week I would go over and over it wondering why I felt so tired and used up. Each morning I said a prayer before I went to work. It was so disheartening to work in that environment.

My boss was constantly AT me along with other important people in my office. They would never take the blame for anything. It was always put on my shoulders to make everything good.

I am still doing it today even while not working anymore.

I am living with my twin sons whose father killed himself when they were eleven. I make sure they have a comfortable life, enough food, clothing and shelter. They make their own money which they sometimes share but most times don’t because they can’t make much with all the COVID-19 precautions. They are both service workers and do not want to get out into the public yet. To be fair their half-sister and niece help as well.

I WISH PEOPLE WOULD JUST UNDERSTAND! AND “PLEASE GET OFF MY BACK!”

They went through a lot when they were teenagers and withdrew from me as a parent. I had to protect myself from this love withdrawal which I feel has now turned into neglect in some way.

I don’t mean neglect as in not having healthful lives and possessions, but neglect in my ability to direct them to have a better life. No matter what I said, I have no effect, so I have stopped. I feel that is neglect because I won’t approach any subject anymore.

Yes, they are adults, now 25. Yes, I still wash their clothes. Yes, I still make their meals. Yes, I clean the house so it’s a nice environment.

They work. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that as I do not work, I write as much as possible, but I have a lot of free time.

No, we hardly hug. We do express love though. No, we don’t discuss anything because they won’t sit still long enough to dare to. Yes, we all have issues. I would like to keep the peace. Yes, they run errands sometimes.

Ways that I have found to help navigate with trauma’s after-effects

Try to find people to be around that don’t judge you. Stay away from people who always have an opinion or ‘should’ about what you need to do.
Study trauma and after-effects.
Write your own story as many times as it takes to help you cope.
Be thoughtful and mindful about how you feel when you’re around situations, people, and places and leave if something is off about it. Don’t stick around and let it eat you up again.
Work on being the best at what you do and satisfy yourself for once.
Use meditation, prayer, tapping-EFT, exercise to blow off whatever you are having to deal with. Do not put it off.
Take care of yourself. Go to the doctor, dentist, the therapist, the yoga studio. Get a facial, massage, etc. If you have no money for that — walk a lot. Get out in nature and notice beautiful things.
Stay focused on today and what you are going to do today to make it nice.
Enjoy yourself when you are with your friend or lover.
Be kind no matter what. I was once told by someone that “people can’t be nice all the time.” I disagree.

Yes, I have issues and I ultimately think they will work out eventually. Sometimes you can’t press people into action. They have to do it on their own and at their own time.

Jo Ann Harris is an author, parent, book devotee, writer, copywriter, and film fanatic. She is an autodidact who learns about everything and rows her own boat. She grew up and worked in Atlanta, Georgia and lived there sixty years. She writes articles about love, hope, personal life stories, advice and poems. She is a published author with an article in Woman’s World magazine in October, 2017.