Summary

Jo Ann Harris recounts her tumultuous relationship with a mentally ill partner, their journey through hardship, and her eventual liberation and empowerment.

Abstract

Jo Ann Harris's narrative, "Killing Me Softly," is a poignant recollection of her life with a manipulative and mentally ill partner. She endures emotional abuse, infidelity, and financial ruin, which lead to homelessness and stress. Despite the birth of twins and the challenges of starting anew with no support, Jo Ann finds strength through a supportive friend and a program that helps her partner manage his mental illness. Over time, she reclaims her independence, securing safety and stability for her children. The relationship's end comes with the partner's suicide, which, while tragic, brings Jo Ann a sense of relief and a new beginning. She reflects on her past choices and embraces a future where she can live without fear, cherishing her children and the resilience they've shown together.

Opinions

Jo Ann Harris expresses a deep understanding of her self-worth, recognizing her partner's insults as a reflection of his own insecurities.
She acknowledges the emotional toll of her partner's manipulative behavior, including his love bombing and subsequent devaluation.
Harris initially blames herself for the situation she found herself in, questioning why she associated with people who did not respect or value her.
The narrative conveys a sense of betrayal and disappointment in her partner's cowardice and his inability to confront issues directly.
Despite the hardships, Harris finds solace in the support of a close friend and the structure provided by a program addressing her partner's mental illness.
The author's tone shifts from one of despair to empowerment as she takes control of her life, emphasizing the importance of self-reliance and community support.
Harris's partner's suicide is met with complex emotions, including relief from the constant strife and a sense of closure, allowing her to move forward.
The experience leads her to realize that she has the power to choose a life free from fear and abuse, and she is determined to make the best of her new circumstances.

Killing Me Softly

He was trying to find what would.

As if being a con-artist wasn’t enough he had to bring in something more rough to drive me down.

He was too much of a coward to do it outright because he hated my sight.

He would wash me with words that would fly around like birds looking for a place to land. So much sand flowing through the hour glass of time making up a chime of insincerity.

One minute was “I love you, Jo Ann,” the next was “you’re just worthless.” I knew my worth. He could just be projecting from his own dearth.

Bad words, mad words, sad words! Who really cares.

He lost me a long time ago. Putting on such airs and having affairs. Being worthless and irresponsible for his life, now added to mine.

Raising his voice at me. Such stares we got in a mall. He loved to embarrass me and make me feel small.

Time went along with financial ruin. Homelessness occurred, stress, with all his drinking and doin’.

I was stupid to stay and have twins that day in another country with no sway for help in any way.

Finally, returning with nothing. No friends, no home, no money, just four of us. There was a big MUST in my life now. Changes had to be made.

We did have one friend thank goodness. She helped us back onto our feet. What a relief! She found support for us and a way to go and a way to grow out of this bad place.

We found a program that was helpful and found that he was suffering from a mental illness. So we stayed together and now had medications. There was some stillness for a time.

We moved. Found a place. Children were safe and growing. I had a job and freedom again. I needed a win to keep us going and living.

I found people that were loving and giving.

I started questioning myself. Why did I wind up with losers and boozers, With drinkers and shrinkers? Didn’t I love myself more?

Then, one day I got the call. With all the trouble I endured the Universe made it.

He had taken his own life. Not to seem cold, but it all was so old, I was relieved of all the strife.

The burdens, the drinking, the lying, and false fronts. All had just washed away. I at last had a brighter day.

Nothing killed me as he intended. But his harm came back on him and his life ended.

Maybe all this was written to give me a voice and to let me know that I had a choice to live my life without fear.

We are still here and my children are so dear. We have gotten through the worst of it to make the best of it. Amen.

Jo Ann Harris is an author, parent, book devotee, writer, copywriter, and film fanatic. She is an autodidact who learns about everything on her own. She grew up and worked in Atlanta, Georgia and lived there sixty years. She writes articles about love, hope, personal life stories, advice and poems. She is a published author with an article in Woman’s World magazine in October, 2017.