From Fart to Destruction: 4 Ugly Fart Stories in History
A fart killed 10,000 People, and other led the king to self-exile.
Despite being a taboo act, farting remains a fascinating source. If we talk about today, then the act of cutting the cheese can be easily collapsed through asking forgiveness, but back in old times, it was indeed a legislation subject — capable of causing wars. The matters in history were more complex than passing just a hot gas, see how:
History’s most documented fart in Jerusalem
Have you heard of History’s deadliest fart? Around 44 AD, several Jews, after King Herod Agrippa’s death, gathered to participate in the Passover feast. What caused the anger in the temple?
An armed roman soldier gave his duty to ensure no act of disturbance occurs in the mass gathering. Little did he know that instead of performing his prevention duty, he would trigger the violence.
The soldier pulled back his garment, indecently cowered down his garment, turned his ass to the jew before finally cutting the cheese.
Considering disrespect and taking action to heart, the Jews revolted. The blasphemous insult in the temple caused rioting such that other Romans had to rush to handle the disturbance.
Cumanus, the Roman procurator, gave a word of punishing the soldier at his act. But the youth, raging with boiling blood, picked up the stones and attacked the soldiers. Strange events followed, causing mass death.
Cumanus, afraid that people would assault him too, sent more roam army for clearing the disturbance. People were beaten out of the temple.
Running into the city, people stomped upon each other. Jews ran out with intensified violence, trodding up and squeezing one another, leading to ten thousand deaths.
What an irony — the feast transformed into a mourning day for the entire nation, for the families who lost their beloved in the brawl.
A courtier’s embarrassing experience for life
Another disproportionate consequence of the untimely fart was the destruction of social standing.
Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford, of the Elizabethan era, wrecked his political career by this natural act that became highly awkward to handle in public.
It has been reported, and the Earl made a deep bow for signaling respect to Queen Elizabeth I. Little did he knew that his very act of respectfulness would bring himself a disrespect.
Feeling embarrassed, the man left the country for seven years — a massive price of time for a millisecond of fart. Isn’t it? Interestingly, the man returned home, but the queen’s words brought all the embarrassing memories when she remarked,
“My lord, I had forgotten the fart!”
The fart that ruined a wedding & led to self-exile
You may want to know about the fart that destroyed a wedding. Breaking the wind publicly for sure caused a stir — but even farting in front of just a few people is capable of causing an embarrassment of years.
A Yemeni merchant named Abu Hassan got married to the town’s prettiest woman. His wedding feast was immensely lavish, attended by all the notables in town.
Overjoyed in his celebration, Abu Hassan might have eaten a lot more than he was supposed to. His heartily eating didn’t do him good for long.
Rising up from his seat, this bridegroom turned and stepped towards his bride’s chamber, letting out a huge fart. His thunderous act left him completely mortified.
Back Threading his steps, Abu Hassan rushed towards the courtyard, jumped on his horse, and rode far off while weeping all the while.
It was a long journey ahead. Ending up on the coast, Abu Hassan took a ship for India and landed on the Malabar coast. What he eventually did was work under the local king’s service.
His embarrassment took nearly ten years to fade, after which his heart became pulled towards the homeland — but naturally, he was afraid of his reception. Having disguised as a dervish, he heads to Yemen.
The guy did not have a smooth ride — he endured snake bites, met lions, and hid from hungry bandits. He witnessed his hometown from the outskirts, fearing people would recognize him despite his disguise. He wished people had forgotten about him, but life brought just the opposite.
Abu Hassan, for a week, eavesdropped on people’s conversation. He overheard a girl asking her mother of her date of birth to tell her friend for fortune casting.
The reply of the mother broke Abu Hassan and the courage he had mustered. The mother mentioned the date to be the night when Abu Hassan farted.
Digesting that his fart had become a national date which would be remembered forever, the man disappointedly went back to India — a place where he self-exiled himself for the rest of his life.
The fart which started a revolution in Egypt
King Apries of Egypt was considered a strong figure, for twenty years, whose power could not be challenged by anything — except for the fart rivalry, which destroyed him.
The King was asked for the Libyan’s help, who were getting stormed by the Greeks of Cyrene. King Apries sent his troops for help, but they were outnumbered and outmatched.
It was a huge loss where families were brutally slain. Apries thought to turn a blind eye to the whole event, but the families didn’t forget their unrest. People were turning against him; thus, for controlling the situation, he sent his best general, Amasis, with a message that he didn’t expect disloyalty from people.
Amasis did precisely what he was instructed. People took him as a pacifier — one of the insurgents placed a helmet over his head, signaling Amasis as their king.
Hunger for power made him disloyal; thus, he remained with the people and accepted his king’s new position. When Apries learned how Amasis flipped the narrative and about-faced, he sent another general to bring back the traitor.
When the general met the Amasis, he was met with an act that changed Egyptians’ history. Amasis, while raising his buttock, farted and conveyed that this message should be sent back to Apries.
The shocked general returned with a wind-blowing message and narrated the incident to the Apries. Raging with anger, Apries flushed his rage on the poor general and scolded him for his inadequacy of bringing Amasis with him. Not only he scolded, but he also ordered his nose and ears hacked off.
Civilians loved the general, hated Apries for the cruelty and sided with Amasis. There was a battle between Apries and Amasis, where Apries suffered a colossal defeat which was later handed over to the masses who strangled and buried him.
Lesson from Apries life: Only if he could not take the act of being farted as seriously would he have saved his throne and his life.
Two Cents
Interestingly, history had seen people who had self-imposed punishments on themselves for farting in public, while also those who justified farting and perceived it in an entirely different light — like calling it a “divine light from the body.” St. Augustine, in ancient history, had given massive thought to his natural phenomena.
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