From Darkness to Dawn — Post Pandemic Re-grounding

Rediscovery is a process to remind us that we’ve gained new strength.

These last two years have been a whirlwind of tensions, trials, and darkness. Losing yourself and regrounding the new you.

Let me paint a picture of my last two years.

Old Homes & Tight Quarters

Tight quarters with family during the start of the pandemic. I’m talking 3 bed 1.5 bath single side of a duplex for three grown adults (my brother, sister-in-law, and myself), a teenage girl (my niece), and a newborn boy (my 2-month-old nephew). All huddled up in a total of 1300 sq ft. Now, this probably wouldn’t have been that bad if it were a more contemporary space with an open floor plan. However, this is a 100-year-old house built in the early 1900s; meaning all the spaces are small tight rooms.

I love my brother and his family, I do, they’re great. However, when the world literally shuts down, and you never leave the house, except for groceries. Your house dynamic will become a little tense. I’m sure that a screaming newborn from time to time didn’t help ease the tension. One more tiny little probably didn’t add to the stress at all piece of information.

Our house was under construction — throughout this entire ordeal — and still is.

If you’re thinking, wow, that does not sound like a good time. You’d be correct.

The whole journey started off just fine, we all knew that there would be some growing pains. Well, my niece didn’t but she got used to it. We had a relatively strict chore run down between my brother, myself, and my niece. Sister-in-law has baby duty so she gets a pass. This structure really helped us create some order in the chaotic uncertainty happening around us. It also helped us define some boundaries early on.

The tension was thick by the third month. Since none of us were leaving the house. I picked up playing video games again as one of my only outlets away from the tight living quarters. This was nice but man it became lackluster quite quickly. I am an enneagram 7 — referred to as the enthusiast. I’m also an extrovert so being around people fuels me.

Often I carry a bag of fun, joy, and jokes with me everywhere I go. Not anymore, because the only places I was going were; from my small room to the dining room for dinner, the kitchen after for dishes, and back to my room. Part of my being fun, joyful, and funny — is the freedom I get from experiences and antics out in the free world.

Well, the world was grounded. I had nowhere to refuel my tank. I was in my own darkness.

After a few months, I was feeling it, I was reclusive, didn’t want to talk much, mostly stayed in my room; working during the day, video games at night. Rinse and repeat. I needed a way to get some grounding and meaning to the world around me.

I read the Hunger Games Series again, then, purchased the Hunger Games on Amazon and watched it all the way through. All in the course of 10 days. Which was quite the journey to tackle on top of feeling a little like I was living a version of it myself. This brought me some solace but didn’t give me a refuel.

I found myself trying to create outlets to have something to do.

I tried running a community-wide dungeons and dragons adventure through my Instagram. That failed miserably. People didn’t want to participate.

I tried getting into journaling again. Though as you might guess that was a series of entries about the state of the world and complaining about it.

I tried zooms, house party, and facetime to connect with my community but none of that filled me up either. I began loathing the digital channels as a form of connection.

During the pandemic, I lost myself.

I also lost two jobs throughout the pandemic. Both were due to downsizing from lack of revenue. Both times I missed out on the generous extra money offered by the government. That was a real kicker. I’m not one to sit in my woes for long so I found a side hustle while I searched for new employment.

I’d say the silver lining is that nobody close to me died during the first 12 months. My grandfather died in month 13.

What does one do when they’ve lost themselves? You set out to chase the wind.

“It’s a good sign when a student goes chasing the wind and catches it,” ― Elodin, The Wise Man’s Fear

Roughly around my grandfather's death, I realized I needed to re-ground myself. The world was opening up again and I needed the restoration of the person I’d lost. Not the self I’d lost.

The phoenix rising from the ashes rebirth self.

So I set out to dive back into the dating scene. This was a TERRIBLE IDEA. I really should have sorted myself out first then, addressed my singleness. Alas, I tend to learn things the hard way. From catfish to ghosts, the dating scene in my area was… a hit it and quit it thirst trap with a splash of clingy people.

My Regrounding Plan

This caused me to go back to the drawing board and create a plan for regrounding. The plan was simple but sturdy. It seems like whenever I take the time to set a routine and plan for myself, I flourish.

• Reread some of my favorite books — The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson — to start
• Ask myself two simple questions — regularly
• Create small achievable goals
• Exercise

Relatively simple and straightforward. This became my new routine, my new normal. After a couple of months of this, I felt the turning of the seasons of my soul. That brisk morning air when winter is melting into spring. New buds were popping up on the tree that is my soul. It was a breath of fresh air to my spirit. Freedom from the wilted person I’d become.

By discovering how to reground myself I created a system to pull myself out of the muck and the mire of life. A task I’ve done before but through less toiling circumstances. Since then, I’ve taken that regrounding plan and mounted it on the wall as a reminder. I am able to start again.

No matter what is happening or what I’m going through. I can start fresh everytime.

Takeaway

I hope that if you had a tough time during the first year of the pandemic. You created a regrounding plan for yourself. I’m sure it won’t look the same as mine, but, I’d like to hear about it.

I believe that everyone has something to teach us. So, I try to listen to others and the wisdom they’ve collected.

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If you’d like to check out some of the poetry and stories I wrote during the pandemic check out the one below. // Thanks for reading!