Free Ticket to Nowhere Chapter 16
A Stark Mystery
I slumped there in the elevator, pointing up at the escape hatch and hoping Larry would take the hint. Krystal sobbed in the corner, Fred the munchkin wrapped around her legs. I didn’t know how much longer he could hold her back, but he seemed to be enjoying the job.
“Better get moving!” Fred shouted as Krystal kicked a slender leg and tried to shake him off.
Rambo Lion swung into action and shimmied up the rope. I climbed after, his tail slapping my face, sour memories of gym class failures spurring me on. As if pissing my pants weren’t enough, I didn’t want to get shown up by a little person and a lawyer in a lion suit.
Larry hauled me out onto the marble tile of the 119th floor. Fred popped up behind us, followed by Krystal. How did that dame climb a rope ladder in stiletto heels and a skin-tight dress?
“Ugh,” I croaked. When I stood up the room spun. I pulled out my room key and pointed toward the working elevator.
“No time,” Larry said. “This way, the ballroom.” The lion grabbed my arm and we hustled down the hall toward a pair of carved oak doors. A banner over the entry read “Scribblers Ball.”
We ran, Krystal clicking along behind and yelling “Wait!”
Larry burst through the doors first. He skidded to a stop right inside and I bumped up against his back, followed by Fred and then Krystal. We looked like Keystone Cops, incompetent clowns.
“Whoa!” Larry gasped and I detached myself from his furry back long enough to peek over his shoulder.
The Grand Ballroom was the size of a football field. A fountain in the center of the room sprayed jets of water, drops sparkling like diamonds in the air. Gold and silver helium filled balloons floated at the ceiling. The costumed crowd milled around, everyone done up like fans at a Comic Con convention. I spotted two Batmen, a Link from Legend of Zelda, several green-faced Yodas, and enough fairy princesses to field a baseball team.
“I am under dressed,” Fred said.
“Ahhhh…” I rasped.
“Stark! I need to talk to you!” Krystal tugged at my sleeve and I jerked out of her grasp.
“No talking,” I said.
“You don’t know what you’ve got. I need that manuscript.”
I shook my head and backed away. I needed a safe place to stash the paper until Gwen showed up, but I didn’t trust to let it out of my sight.
“That’s my story.” Krystal tried again.
Fred spoke up, “Funny, it’s got Gwen’s name on it.” I stared at the munchkin, trying to remember if I’d shown him the papers.
“No! You don’t understand. It’s MY STORY.” Krystal pouted and fluttered her eyelashes. I have to admit, I’m a sucker for a damsel in distress.
Something tugged at my memory, a line from Gwen’s letter, back when she first laid out the assignment. Inspired by true events? Could this be a clue?
“We need to get you cleaned up.” Larry sniffed at me and frowned.
“Men’s room.” Fred led the way around the edge of the ballroom, toward an alcove on the far side.
We passed a buffet table stocked with doughnuts. Powdered doughnuts, chocolate doughnuts, sprinkled and frosted doughnuts. A stack of sandwiches teetered on a silver tray. I reached for one and Larry slapped my hand. “Later,” he said.
Krystal tagged along behind until we charged through the door to the men’s room. At least there was one place we could give her the slip. Shadows danced on the walls, and the room glowed with candlelight. A crystal chandelier hovered over the urinals.
“Master Stark! You’ve arrived on a special night!” A thin figure stepped up to greet us. The scrawny concierge held out a package. “Your costume, sir,” he said. “Compliments of Ms. Gwen De Toit.”
“Thanks, Riff-Raff.” I managed a whisper, then stepped into a stall to change.
When I stepped out of the stall, Rambo Lion and Fred stared at me, speechless for once.
“What?” I asked.
As far as costumes go, I figure if you’re gonna dress up, you might as well go big. And this get-up was big, the biggest. I was clad head to toe in a white spandex jumpsuit, studded with enough rhinestones to blind someone, if the light hit me just right. Did I mention the cape? Yeah, there was a floor length satin cape. “The King” spelled out in gold glitter on the back.
I dumped my pants, shirt, and jacket in the trash, then followed them with my underwear. What the hell, looked like it would be a commando performance. The stink of black fungus, pepperoni, and gin-fumed urine I figured would stump any dry-cleaning effort. I pulled the cape over my shoulder holster and tucked the manuscript under my arm.
Rambo Lion lit up another cigar, this one suspiciously fragrant with a skunk-tinged odor. He handed the thing to Fred, and the little guy sucked in a giant toke and held it until his face turned red.
“Stark, let me be blunt,” Larry said. “If you aim to tap into the primal horde, man, you’re going to have to be ready to confront the Big O.Z.”
Fred let out a cloud of smoke in a coughing fit, and passed the stogie to me. I inhaled, firing up the end of the cheroot until it glowed a fiery orange.
“All right,” I told them, “but I’ll need four things.” My voice had improved to a husky drawl.
“Ask away,” Larry said.
“First, I want a dozen of those doughnuts. I’ll need a stage and a microphone, and a pint of Glenlivet.” I looked at Riff-Raff. “Can you handle that?” I asked. He bowed and stepped outside.
Together we marched out of the men’s room. The crowd had swelled to a crush of people. I didn’t see Krystal anywhere nearby, and her red dress ought to stand out. I snagged one of the sandwiches as I strolled by the table. Peanut butter, banana and bacon. Delicious.
With Fred on one side and Larry at my other side, we took up position along the wall. The lights winked out as a great rumble and crash sounded.
“Storm coming,” Larry said. He adjusted the ammo straps draped across his chest.
The overheads clicked back on as the crowd parted like the Red Sea before Moses. I looked up to see a tall figure in a red dress striding toward us. Gwen De Toit, famous novelist, had arrived.
“Showtime,” I said.
Continues in Chapter 17…
Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5 • Chapter 6
Chapter 7 • Chapter 8 • Chapter 9 • Chapter 10 • Chapter 11 • Chapter 12