Four Words That Will Change Your Life

If you refuse to say them, you’ll never be as happy as you could be

When I came home yesterday, I was putting away groceries when I heard the familiar ding of my fifteen-year-old daughter’s phone. She was texting away with God knows who.

Normal stuff, you know.

Then I saw the change. The subtle down turning of eyes, a pregnant pause, and then a question.

“Mom, do you think I’m fat?”

Some piece of crap had purposely chosen to steal part of my daughter’s tissue paper self-esteem with a few short words.

I wanted to hunt them down, and… well, I won’t go there, but let your imagination fill in the blanks.

However, in that awful moment, I had an epiphany — one I needed to share with my daughter, one I needed to remember every day, and one you may need to hear if you’re struggling with your job, your relationships, or your self-worth.

It’s a mantra I want you to hold on to in every aspect of your life.

Four short words.

You can’t have me.

Because when we let other people’s comments, commands, and cruelties chip away at our self-concept, we’re allowing them to own us. We become their possessions.

And we give ourselves up willingly.

We hand them hours and years of our lives. We willfully surrender our self-esteem, peace of mind, thoughts, and needs.

And whether you’re a fifteen-year-old high schooler, a thirty-something mom, or a fifty-something executive, know this.

You are not a piece of property.

And here’s how you can free yourself from the chains you’ve allowed someone or something else to put on you.

Say these four words to your job.

Most of us give at least one-third of our day to our jobs. But, if you’re a perfectionist like me, you give way more than that.

You go home and work after hours. You skip the shopping excursion or workout because there never seems to be enough time in the workday to do the things you’re required to do. You surrender to the idea that the only way to move up the corporate ladder is by giving your higher-ups your time, energy, and entire well-being.

And if this is you, it’s time to look at your job and say, “You can’t have me.”

Your life matters more than money or promotions. It matters more than working yourself to death to be the boss’s “right-hand man.” Because when you give yourself to your job, you hand over minutes of your life that should be yours and yours alone.

Say these four words to toxic people in your life.

Unfortunately, this is a world where many people try to tear you down. They may be angry at themselves or the world, so they decide to make you their partner in pain. They may feel powerless, so they try to use their words and actions to take your emotions hostage. They may feel out of control, so they seek to control you.

So remember those words, “You can’t have me.”

If you feel so inclined, say them to the toxic people in your life. If not, just think them.

Think them every time these people shame you for the way you look, your skin color, the amount of money you make, the sex of the person you share your bed with, or the way you live your life.

People like this only gain power when you begin to believe their nasty comments or opinions or change your actions to suit them.

Remember, this is your life. Your body. Your journey.

Know that their comments are more about who they are than about who you are.

And if this person is someone you call a friend or a lover, it’s even more important to remember those words. Because sometimes, when hurt is all we know, we select partners or friends who carry on the tradition. After all, there’s a sick sense of security in living with people who treat us this way.

If this is you, take your power back. Don’t let them have you.

You’re worth much more than that.

Say these four words to yourself.

Maybe you’re your own worst enemy.

Maybe you let your fears and doubts control you. Maybe you talk yourself out of doing what your heart knows you need to do. Maybe you see the life you want right in front of you and decide you can’t take the risks required to reach out and grab it.

Say “you can’t have me” to these insecurities.

Billionaire businessman N.R. Narayana Murthy says:

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

Assert your power over the scary things you know deep down are the keys to your happiness and success.

Because letting your fears own you?

That’s the best way to “[stay] stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

The bottom line:

Dr. Phil McGraw says:

“Stand up and walk out of your history.”

And though burnout, self-doubt, and abuse may be your history, it doesn’t have to be your future.

These things don’t get to own you. They don’t get to have you.

Unless you let them.

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