4 Things You’re Not Doing That You Need to Be

Hint: If you’re playing it safe or holding your tongue, you’re heading in the wrong direction.

Author Kyra Davis says:

“Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zones. We have to break the rules. And we have to discover the sensuality of fear. We need to face it, challenge it, dance with it.”

But when fear comes over and asks me to step out on the dance floor, I make one thousand excuses to stay right where I am.

And more times than not, the minute he walks away, a part of me is miserable.

As I look at the dance floor, there’s a deep longing in me to walk into those galaxy lights and move my body happily with the other dancers.

They look so free. So alive.

Yet I remain safely in the wallflower section, preferring to sip my punch and stay safely on the sidelines.

And every time I refuse to dance, the ugly truth is I’m limiting my opportunities to experience joy, success, and the life I secretly dream about.

The question is are you there with me?

If you are, you’re unhappy too, aren’t you?

And here’s why.

You don’t experiment

I’m a good teacher, a good mom and wife, and a reasonably good writer.

And because I know what I do usually brings decent results, I keep doing it.

The nice part about this continuing this strategy?

I’ll keep being good.

The downside?

By being loyal to the tried and true, I’ll never be great.

And if you’re like me, you’ve got to get past the comfort of routine and stability.

If you don’t, your relationships will okay — but dull. Your job performance will be satisfactory — but your upward mobility limited. Your world will run smoothly — but you’ll miss the exhilaration of new experiences that can increase your happiness.

The truth is people who get the most of life don’t hibernate. Instead, they experiment and delve into the unknown to see if it will increase their success or satisfaction with life.

And most of us don’t do this because it’s terrifying.

But we have to if we ever want to be genuinely happy.

Author Mark Twain offers food for thought for those of us too scared to open our doors to new experiences.

He says:

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

The bottom line?

We need to stop being afraid to shake things up a bit and experiment.

For example, what if you greet your partner at the door on Friday after work and say, “Keep tomorrow open — and pack a suitcase?” What if you color your red? What if you tell your boss that you’ve got an awesome idea to improve the company’s success? What if you decide to audition for your community theater group or find someone on Tinder and make it a date?

And yes, these experiments have the potential to be a complete failure and make you feel stupid, embarrassed, or disappointed.

But they also have the ability to transform your life in amazing ways.

So don’t be afraid to roll the dice and see what happens.

You don’t trust yourself

It’s ironic how many times we allow others to make big decisions for us.

The more we listen to people’s advice, the more we convince ourselves that our own feelings and thoughts are flawed, even if something in our gut keeps telling us that we know best.

The reality is that no one knows your strengths, limitations, needs, and desires more than you do.

And when you play the game of life using someone else’s handbook, you’re bound to be unhappy.

As a teacher, I can’t tell you how often people have asked me why I continue to be an educator when the pay is so low and the stressors so high. And sometimes, when I listen to them, I start to imagine leaving the profession. I start thinking about how much money I could make in other jobs that would bring me a more rewarding income.

But something deep down inside of me knows the classroom is where I’m supposed to be.

And maybe others are telling you that you need to change your job, lower your standards, or leave your lover.

Maybe they’re telling you it’s too risky to try and start your own business, too foolish to leave your old life behind and start over, too early to marry or too old to pursue a lifelong dream you’ve put on hold for twenty years.

Go ahead and listen to those who give advice. Consider their words.

But then do what that voice inside you is yelling at you to do.

You don’t speak what you feel

I bet you know people who just “put it all out there” when talking to others. They’re entirely unfiltered and often come off as insensitive or brash. But after your shock at their uncensored comments, isn’t there a part of you that feels admiration and maybe even a bit of envy at how easily they speak their truth?

When it comes to revealing our feelings, so many of us stop ourselves from saying what needs to be said, even when every fiber of our being wants to open our mouths and speak our peace.

For me, this struggle is never-ending because I don’t want to create conflict or hurt other people’s feelings.

And maybe it’s the same for you.

Just know that it’s self-sabotage when you don’t honestly communicate your thoughts and feelings to others.

It’s allowing the people who hurt you to continue hurting you.

It’s allowing the questions that need to be answered to remain unanswered.

It’s allowing your sense of power to dwindle away and your anxieties and emotions to control you.

So make up your mind to speak your mind.

If you can manage to kick fear’s ass just once, open your mouth, state the words you need to state, or ask the questions you need to ask, you’ll feel freer than you’ve ever felt.

And because that freedom feels so amazing, you’ll be much more likely to voice your feelings again to get that same high.

You don’t “go for it”

All of these things that you’re not doing have one common thread.

Fear.

It pretends to be your friend by telling you it’s protecting your feelings, keeping you safe, and preventing you from looking like a fool.

But what it’s really doing is making sure that the rest of your life will never be filled with what you really want.

So, when fear makes you want to zig?

Zag.

Go for it. Let your dreams and hopes control you, not your fear and anxiety.

Write the novel. Ask the girl out. Do it. Whatever it is.

In The Pursuit of Happiness, Will Smith’s character says to his son:

“Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you gotta protect it. When people can’t do something themselves, they’re gonna tell you that you can’t do it. You want something, go get it. Period.”

Yep, Will.

Period.

The bottom line:

It’s your life. Your Google Maps. Your car. Your gas pedal. Your brakes.

You determine your destination. You can stay on the same road forever because you know it, or you can pull off the side of the road and go in a different direction.

And when you learn to trust yourself, speak your heart, and say “yes” to life, well, you know that new path you’re following?

It’s the right one.

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