Summary

The article reflects on common life regrets, suggesting that they can be hidden opportunities for personal growth and understanding.

Abstract

The author of the article discusses the concept of regret, particularly focusing on four common life regrets: spending too much time at work, starting a business that fails, getting heartbroken, and reading too few books. Through a series of contemplations, the author argues that these regrets are not necessarily negative experiences. Instead, they can act as catalysts for a more profound appreciation of life, leading to a better understanding of one's priorities, strengths, and the value of experiences over possessions. The piece encourages readers to view these regrets as blessings in disguise that shape personal character and lead to a more fulfilling life.

Opinions

The author posits that the perspective on life changes dramatically when faced with mortality, minimizing the importance of work and possessions.
Reflecting on the failure of a business venture is seen as a valuable lesson, potentially revealing that one's skills may be better suited to working for others.
Heartbreak is interpreted as a possible protective mechanism by the subconscious, potentially avoiding a toxic relationship.
The regret of not reading enough books is countered by the idea that life experiences and interactions with others can be equally, if not more, enriching than reading.
The author emphasizes that life's path is multidimensional and that dwelling on a single unchosen path is illogical, advocating for acceptance and forward movement in life.

Four Regrets That Are Blessings in Disguise

Be well, friends

We are full of cognitive biases. No matter in which direction we look, we find them. Name any logical fallacy, and I can guarantee we’ve both been under its spell for a large part of our lives. It’s the way our brains are. No choice, tough life!

Either we accept it, or we regret it.

I recommend the former, but many choose the latter. Full disclosure, I’m guilty of this sometimes. That’s why I wrote this piece; as a reminder.

Let me show you that some of the regrets we so deeply experience are blessing in disguise. Enjoy the ride, friends.

Spending too much time at work

When you ask people on their death bed what they regret most, they never mention spending more time in the office.

Do you know why?

They’re dying, so they have a very different perspective on life. Namely, they don’t have any. So going to the office to make some more money isn’t something they need or think of. Because they have other priorities, dying, and because they have zero incentive to think of the future as it is a grim and short one.

This makes them think only in terms of memories and not at all in terms of experience. They don’t wish to go on holiday with the grandkids next Christmas, because they won’t be there.

Let us remember that to live a happy life, even a minimalistic one, we need to buy stuff. If only food and a roof over our heads. But books, movies, sweaters, and others will join the list pretty fast. Let us remember that our children also want all of these and much more. Even a teenager in a full-blown minimalistic rebellion will ‘need’ a smartphone.

Unless you know of a place where stuff’s growing on trees, you need to work for them.

Speaking of which:

Starting a business that fails

Many of us living the corporate life, slaves of the modern world, wish we started our own business.

As with sexual fantasies, some are better kept under the pillow of our dreams and never told nor experienced.

Starting a business is tough; most of them fail. Yes, you can learn from your failures. The key learning is that you’re not fit to start and head a business. Meaning you would be much better following someone and working for them; no shame in that.

Would you like me to list all the business ideas I had that failed and made me the sad man I’m today? Nope, I don’t think so. Anyway, I don’t want to go through them again. These experiences are better lived in the single-digit zone — the closer to 0, the better.

Getting heartbroken

Ah! Don’t you regret not speaking to this pretty boy, or handsome girl, that had such smooth moves on the dance floor in the summer of 2001? If only you had responded to their invitation, your life would have been different. You would have known true love; it would have been a fairy tale.

Or not.

Maybe your brain saved you from a toxic relationship? What if your subconscious had surreptitiously translated the body language of this person and understood that it wouldn’t do any good to talk with them, let alone have a relationship with them.

70 to 93% of communication is non-verbal.

Be grateful your subconscious helped you dodge this bullet instead of complaining and regretting it.

Reading too few books

Bah! Are you one of these people that didn’t read the 1,001 books to read before you die? What a shame! What did you do instead? Did you live your life? Did you have fun with the kids in the garden?

Books are nice and all; I recommend reading some, sure. I can even give you some recommendations.

But books aren’t all the hype they’re meant to be. It depends on how you’re reading them. Is it a page-turner that you read for distraction, or is it a philosophic essay that your read also for distraction?

In one case, it’s an easy read, like watching a TV series, let’s say. On the other, it’s a difficult read, like watching a documentary. In both cases, you’re keeping your neurons entertained. They’re happy about it. They even say thank you by pushing your brains to release some good chemicals.

But you could achieve the same state by playing chess or tennis. You could enjoy some constructive distraction by meditating and counting your breathing in and out. It doesn’t have to be by reading books. Many things can replace books; exchanging with other people is a big one.

There’s always one side of regret

I read this sentence in an email recently, “if I didn’t quit my job then I’d forever be wondering what it’s like to start my own business.” True. Here’s another true one, “if I hadn’t stayed in my job, then I’d forever be wondering how it feels to keep pushing myself after 10 years in the same company.”

Our past is linear, but our future is multidimensional.

There are billions of paths we didn’t take, billions of potential regrets. Why would we choose one and cry over it? It doesn’t make any sense. Just keep on keeping; there’s no other choice.

Be well, friends.

Smillew is a writer, a tweeter, and a serial masturbator. He also enjoys yoga and meditation. Some he does well, some not so well, but he still tries them all.