Finding a Narcissist

You’ve likely bumped into someone who veered along the lines of narcissism.

Perhaps they were a former partner from a long-lost era in your past or perhaps you are facing them right now, in the form of your executive boss at work.

Either way, a narcissist puts the needs of their own over others. Even if you worked with them intimately, they initially saw something in you that added value to them, and not necessarily the other way around.

Whether it was a professional endeavour or a personal one, there are many ways to find a narcissist. It’s just a matter of mapping out many patterns to find the signs.

1) They Know It All

A narcissist may suggest or insinuate that they know everything. They have a habit of belittling others, and won’t hesitate to “explain” a concept to a professional who knows more than them. For example, they may try to explain the law to a lawyer or medicine to a physician.

If they think they know everything, they’re not going to hide it, because their ego feeds them into telling others about it. Ironically, the smartest people typically do not claim to be intelligent. Instead, they’re willing to accept that they don’t know everything and you can tell they are smart by their behaviour.

By contrast, the narcissist will make a lot of arguments to inform you that they know the best out of every situation. If you disagree with them, they will just get mad.

2) They Are the Supposed Exception

Narcissists are also believers that they are special and that the laws of the land don’t apply to them. They’re usually good at exploiting loopholes and manipulating others to bend the rules for them. Bending the rules reinforces narcissists to continue this behaviour even more.

Plus, they walk around with the impression that they are universally beloved, where everyone sees in the highest regard. If you don’t like them, they will call you a hater, possibly harm you, and assume that you are jealous of their greatness.

If the situation is even more ambiguous, especially when it surrounds moral or social norms outside of the law, then they may play it lose and fast, especially since they didn’t actually commit any crimes.

3) So-Called Superiority

Narcissists want to look good and be their best at all times, so they care deeply about how they seem to others. This would suggest some level of insecurity, as they worry that they will leave a bad impression and have to somehow compensate for their short-comings.

Funnily enough, they can sensitive to criticism, especially if someone throws genuine feedback towards them, especially of the negative variety. If you say anything bad, they will find a way to eventually punish you.

If they are poor, they will try to look wealthy. If they are rich, they will try to look popular. This makes them pretty materialistic. Not only that, if they see someone who they think is bigger than them, they might go to great lengths to insinuate that the other person is less intelligent, or less attractive.

4) The Magic Loses Its Lustre

While narcissists are charming, with their award-winning public smiles and swaggering confidence, it will rub off quickly, especially the longer time you spend with them.

For example, if you know a narcissist, you’ve probably seen their weakest points, such as when someone pointed out a genuine flaw and whiplash that followed. Even then, the narcissist will whisk away this person, almost as if it never happened.

Across the years, you might find that the narcissist’s so-called endearment was performative, and they were only being nice to you in the beginning because they needed something from you. By then, you’ve seen it all, and you’re only safe because you haven’t said anything bad to them.

While dealing with narcissists are not easy, they are not always avoidable, especially if they are the same people that you are working with each day. Recognizing that you are within the company of a narcissist can help you establish boundaries with this person, even if that means spending less time with them.

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