Fierce at 40: The Year Women Level Up and Own Their Power
We either progress or regress; there are no other options
Society has given us so many mixed messages about aging. It will make us wiser. It will make us less relevant. It will make us more financially secure but less attractive and desirable. It will give us more qualifications. It will make us slow to learn and even slower to remember. It’s hard to know what to believe, so we grow older with little information about what to expect. But there’s one thing about aging that no one mentioned:
We age only on the outside; inside, we feel the same.
The calendar tells me that I’m 40, but somehow, I don’t feel like I’ve lived 40 years. Some of my friends already call themselves middle age, but as I plan to live a hell of a lot longer than 80 years, I don’t. Instead, I step with confidence rather than trepidation toward my forties as I realize that we are only as old as we feel. I’m getting better every day.
Perhaps, I’m just a tiny bit wiser. My humor is certainly darker, unlike my roots. I’m certainly stronger and most assuredly bolder. If I was flirty at 30, I’m fierce and fabulous at 40.
Authenticity and Aging
Society’s mixed messages and rampant ageism fall away. As I get older and spend time with older women, I don’t see irrelevance. I see an awe-inspiring amount of power. We are aging gracefully. We’re also aging into ourselves — becoming wholly authentic and less concerned about what anyone has to say about it. We’re supporting each other fiercely and throwing off patriarchal constructs to embrace a fuller life.
We’re defying aging stereotypes that tell us women cannot be older and remain sexy, vital, active, healthy, and adventurous.
In the last year, I signed up for pole dancing fitness classes. I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. I signed up for yoga teacher training. I’ve looked into scuba diving training, too. Rather than seeing a life filled with limits, I see a life without any.
The women I know are embracing their sexuality, cultivating strong female friendships, and living their wildest dreams.
They are authors and artists, therapists and coaches, photographers and dieticians, and mothers and mentors. They’re engaged and involved, and life is not happening to them. Instead, they are living a beautiful, full existence.
Forty is not the end of the human lifespan. While I certainly never pictured being a divorced single mother at this age, I’ve built a life I love. I’ve cultivated a cozy home and a vibrant garden. I have two quirky creative children and a happy dog. I read as much as I ever did, and I’m more active than ever. I’m also living my dreams — writing books, articles, and screenplays. My life keeps expanding, and I am thriving inside of it. It isn’t perfect — what is? But it is wholly mine.
Forty turns around the sun — and there’s so much more life to be lived. This is the year that women, in particular, embrace their agency and step fully into their power. We’re no longer stepping quietly back into the shadows. We’re using our voices and holding our places rather than thinking we need to step aside to let the younger women rise. We can help them up and still take up space, too.
The Case for Intergenerational Relationships
I often think that the best thing we can do as we age is to embrace the company of women of all ages. Forty only seems daunting when we’re younger and fail to cultivate friendships with older women. When society’s messages are all we ever receive, growing older looms large — casting a frightening shadow. It’s only when we open up and get to know more women that we realize that few of us would return to our teens or twenties. Most of us are happier as we get older.
Most of the women I know haven’t had a crisis at turning 30 or 40 or 50. They’ve embraced the new year with enthusiasm, eager to see what lies ahead. They are invested in the present — not the past.
The media and our culture may tell us that aging is bad for women, but that’s because they’re trying to sell us something — the latest face cream, the newest app with filters, or the next romcom featuring a 20-something already contemplating face lifts and fillers to stay in the business as long as they can.
Aging is an adjustment. It’s also beautiful. Sure, we have fine lines and gray hairs begin before any of us are emotionally ready for them, but we’re not actually afraid of aging.
Society’s Existential Crisis
We’re afraid of what aging means — a reminder of our own mortality. So many of society’s aging stereotypes come from a cultural existential crisis. It’s easier to relegate mature adults and elderly people to irrelevancy rather than look at our lifespans and accept that we’re all heading for an end. But as we’re getting older, many of us are stepping out of the shadows of the codger or crone archetype to show that we are still as vibrant as ever. We will not be relegated or dismissed.
Life doesn’t stop as long as we’re still living it. We can be reminded of our end, or we can be reminded that another day has arrived for us to enjoy. We can embrace it and step fully into our lives rather than waiting for life to happen.
Redefining What Aging Means
Women today are redefining what it means to grow older. What we’re not doing is giving one single blueprint for aging. We’re not handing the next generation their floral housedress and regulation gray hairstyle. We are offering them a variety of ways to proceed to the next stage of their lives.
Some of my friends are naturally going gray while others continue to embrace a variety of hair colors. Some have discarded makeup while others continue to enjoy it. Some have taken up knitting while others take up pole dancing or jump out of airplanes or learn a new language. Many are dating while others enjoy new or long-standing partnership. Some are starting families while others are enjoying an empty nest or opting out of having children altogether.
In short, we are living well. Today, I don’t feel 40, but aging is only a collection of days that do not define us. The year will be whatever I make it.
Mary Oliver said it best —
“Tell me: what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
When you answer that question, your life truly begins — no matter how many years you’ve lived or how society has suggested you live them.
Do you have any intergenerational thoughts on the topic of changing times? Check out our monthly prompt for January! We’d love to hear your story! Share your piece with us and tag “Monthly Writing Challenge”.
