Feeling Lost, Sad, or Discouraged? Three Tips to Make the Pain Go Away

Tip one: Head home, and run as fast you can.

“I just like our house better because it feels like home.”

These were my son’s words on the way back from a get-together at my brother’s house.

Before his response, I’d been whining and complaining about my low teacher pay. Then, I mentioned how envious I felt when I visited my brother’s house, which, by the way, looks as if it came straight out of a magazine. He has beautiful cathedral ceilings, an outdoor area with a fire pit to die for, and an inground pool that rivals those at beachfront hotels.

And when my son said he preferred our house because it “felt like home,” two things happened.

The first was I was filled with happiness. Because when I looked in my son’s eyes, I saw no ulterior motive. His comment wasn’t uttered to make me feel better. Instead, his statement was made matter of factly, just as if I had asked him his favorite color.

At that moment, I realized joyfully that even amid a thousand parenting mistakes, I’d still managed to give my son a sense of safety and comfort.

However, the second gift of my son’s words was even more powerful. It was an epiphany. And the epiphany was that true happiness is only achieved when you “feel like you’re home” all the time.

Here’s what I mean.

Be at home in your body.

Isn’t it crazy we worry about fitting into a size six in a world with a deadly virus and a mountain of social unrest?

Yes, it’s crazy.

But, alas, I’m one of the crazy ones. And so are millions of others.

Now, don’t get wrong. I’m not saying that being a size six is important. I’m saying that it’s essential we feel at home in our bodies.

Because the truth is body confidence plays a significant role in many people’s happiness.

And there are three ways to achieve this confidence:

• Become more accepting of your body the way it is.
• Work on improving your body so you’ll feel more “at home.”
• Do both of the above at the same time.

And yes, I’m fully aware many would say striving to improve something as superficial as one’s looks is an act of submission, an agreement to support society’s strict standards of attractiveness.

I disagree. Because for me to be happy, I need to feel at home in my body.

For example, I recently gained about ten pounds. I’m not overweight, but those pounds definitely made me feel less myself.

And though I still love my body for the amazing things it does, that doesn’t change the fact I “wanted to get back home” to the place where I felt more at peace with my body.

Think about it.

Just as our emotions impact our bodies, our bodies affect our emotions.

This is why you need to make your body a “home” you’ll be happy in.

Be at home in your actions.

We have all core values that define our philosophies on life. For example, think of the three qualities you feel are most important to you. Put them in order.

For me, it’s integrity, kindness, and achievement.

And your choices may be different. However, no matter what they are, the only way to “feel like home” is to be true to them.

For example, as an aspiring writer, I sometimes feel tempted to abandon my morals. After all, it doesn’t take a genius to know what type of writing sells. Sensationalism. Rage. Manipulation. Lies.

And even though one of my core values is achievement, integrity is higher on my list.

For instance, when I know I’m not mistreating people or lying to them, I feel at home. Whenever I write things that promote love, acceptance, and inspiration, I feel at home.

So, I’ve decided that to be happy, I have to live in harmony with my beliefs, even if they come with hardships.

And if you want to be happy, you need to as well.

So stop being a sell-out, and start being you.

Be at home in your relationships.

It’s normal at the beginning of relationships to want to please your partner.

For instance, your new lover is a leg man, so you wear short skirts to catch his eye. It could be your partner loves football, so you study up on the sport to impress him. Maybe you attend parties with your extroverted other when you’re really an introvert at heart.

And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do these things for the object of your affection.

However, there’s a point where you need to feel at home in your relationship.

A point where you need to wear your sweats and baggy t-shirts without fear of what your lover will think. A point where you confess you don’t want to watch the Superbowl or paint the town red.

And being free to say and do these things is essential to a partnership.

So if you find your relationship requires compromising your happiness, hiding your emotions, or stepping on eggshells to avoid drama, you’re not at home. As a matter of fact, you’re miles away.

So leave that haunted house you’re in, and find your way home.

Spend your time finding a partner who’ll help you burn the mask you’ve put on for the world, ugly cry and still feel loved, and speak your truths without fear of abandonment.

Because only by finding this type of partner can love thrive.

The bottom line:

Maya Angelou says:

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place to go as we are and not be questioned.”

And deep down, we all know where home is. It’s a place where we feel free. A place we can choose to decorate our lives with whatever feels “right” and boldly turn down furnishings others suggest.

So head back there. I promise you’ll find peace. Oh, and by the way, the door’s unlocked. You just have to step inside.

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