4 Ways to Hold Things Together When It Feels Like Everything’s Falling Apart

Yes life is tough, but guess what? You’re tougher

Maybe you’re sitting there like me and thinking, “Just one more thing, one more bad thing, and I’m going to lose it.”

You’re waiting for that final straw to start to burn, at which point you know you’ll do one of two things: spew anger towards everyone or have a nervous breakdown that ends with you in the corner of the bathtub sobbing like a baby.

And the causes of your misery are probably too many to count.

It could be a relationship that has just ended for you, or it could be you feel you’ll never be in a relationship at all.

It could be a scale that seems it will never go down or a bank account that seems it will never go up.

You’re tired, you’re frustrated, and sick of life throwing curve balls your way.

Same. So same.

And although you know some of these issues will work themselves out with time, the truth is that time is not right now.

And you’re miserable.

So what do you do?

You wallow in self-pity, which by the way, is perfectly natural when facing many life struggles all at once.

But the truth is, living forever in that bubble of “woe is me” isn’t making you feel better.

You need to find a way to lessen the anxiety, the depression, and the feeling deep down inside that things will never get better.

So, how do you do that?

Here are some steps you can take to regain a sense of optimism and perspective.

Step away from the noise

The outside world’s noise and chaos often prevents us from dealing with the noise and chaos inside our heads.

So when you feel down, overwhelmed, or angry at life, you need to hide away for a while.

The Washington Post cites Elisha Goldstein, author of Uncovering Happiness, who explains silence’s ability to calm the mind and help us see our troubles in a more rational light. She explains:

“With all that we have going on day-to-day, we’re often the last concern on our own minds. Taking time out each day to just settle down in silence, maybe even just being aware of the body’s natural rhythm of breathing, cools down the emotional center of the brain and brings the ability to regulate our emotions and be more in control of our impulses.”

So find a quiet place where you can lick your wounds and sort things out. Here are some suggestions on things that might help.

• If you enjoy the outdoors, go for a walk or simply sit in your rocking chair on your front porch and gather peace from the beauty of nature.
• Lock yourself in your bathroom and take a hot bath.
• Go get a steaming hot cup of coffee and sit at one of the shop’s tables outside.
• Go to the library and just soak in the quiet.
• Do what my teens do. Isolate yourself in your bedroom and lie on your bed with soothing music playing in your earbuds.

My personal recommendation?

A combination of solitude and YouTube.

I’ll search up some calming nature sounds (rain and fireplace are my favorites). And when I do this, I’ll stare at the the images that accompany the sounds. When I view them, I’m transported away from my environment into a much calmer one. Click here to see what I mean, and then search for your favorite “travel destination.”

The important thing is to go somewhere that will lower your emotional “temperature” and bring you back to equilibrium. Doing this allows you to focus on dealing with your problems rather than drowning your sorrows.

Accept reality

Author Francesca Zappia says:

“Sometimes I think people take reality for granted.”

And the truth is most people take reality for granted because it sucks.

For example, it’s easier to pretend the partner who’s ignored us for the last year has simply been busy. Easier to believe our pants shrank in the wash than that we gained ten pounds. Easier to assume the five promotions we’ve been denied are because of brown-nosers instead of considering that our skills are lacking.

But maybe, as Zappia says, we should be grateful for reality.

Why?

Because only by confronting the absolute truth of a situation can you change it.

So if the reality is the relationship is dead, if you’ve tried everything to save it, stop fighting it. Instead, take the leap and leave so you can find someone who will love you the way you deserve.

Get on the scale. If the reality is you’ve gained ten pounds, well, it is what it is. You can’t make the pounds fall away by wishing, and you can’t improve your situation unless you take action.

If the reality is you need to improve your skills on the job, then get to it. Take the classes. Learn from someone who’s “in the know.”

If the reality is that someone you loved is gone forever, then grieve the loss. But decide to keep moving forward and find happiness again.

And no, it won’t be easy. It sucks to admit our losses and failures.

But these things can motivate you to find real solutions for the emotional and physical baggage you’re carrying around.

Because by accepting the cold, hard reality of the present, you can work to make better realities in the future.

Be gentle with yourself

Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff offers a comforting mantra regarding the harsh truths that we’re struggling with. She states:

“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.”

But instead of showing ourselves some compassion, our first response to suffering is usually to beat ourselves up with all the “could haves” and “should haves” we didn’t do.

And maybe we could have, and perhaps we should have, but all humans have lists of these things a mile long.

Why?

Because we’re human, and that means we’re flawed.

So yes, you made a big mistake. Or a bunch of minor mistakes that added up.

Humans are naturally emotional, so we lash out when we feel angry, sad, or hopeless. When we want something desperately, we often do illogical things to stop the pain or go after our wants impulsively and without logic.

And though these are not the proper reactions to our problems, they’re human ones.

So forgive yourself.

You were weak.

Maybe for a moment or maybe for years.

Maybe you had an affair. Maybe you gained twenty pounds. Maybe you quit your job. Maybe you purchased an expensive car that leaves you penniless halfway through the month.

Reality happened.

You screwed up.

But try to show yourself the same kindness you show the people you love who’ve made similar mistakes.

And no, practicing self-compassion doesn’t mean excusing your mistakes. It just means understanding why.

Then, once you’ve come to terms with your errors, vow not to make them again.

As famed author and poet Maya Angelou said:

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

Regroup, regather, and create solutions to the things causing you misery

The best solutions to problems in life are usually not spontaneous revelations. Instead, they’re carefully thought out approaches that involve steps you can take to glue your world back together again.

So devise a plan that will help change the problematic situations you find yourself dealing with.

And no, these plans may not solve everything. But they will bring improvements in your emotional and physical worlds.

Just understand that in the beginning, your “follow-through” is going to be painful and difficult.

For example, you’ll probably “fall off the wagon” a few times when trying to make positive changes.

You’ll text the lover you know you need to leave. You’ll eat the pizza instead of the salad. You’ll screw up on the job again.

But the truth is with every attempt you make to build your life into something better, you gain more and more control over the situation.

And more control means less hopelessness.

The truth is you’re a fighter, whether you feel like it or not.

And continuing to make positive changes when everything in you is so tired is one of life’s toughest challenges.

But I’m betting you’ve done it already thousands of times.

So do it one more.

Keep working the plan, even if you’re saying curse words the whole time.

Keep moving forward, even if you’re doing so a bit messily.

The important thing?

Don’t stand in place, turn around, or give up.

You’ve got this.

The bottom line:

Poet and author Paulo Coelho says:

“Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.”

And yes, when it rains it pours.

But you know what you you’ve got?

You’ve got an umbrella, galoshes, and an inner strength that a world of water can’t touch.

Oh, and whatever you do, don’t forget there’s sunbeams in the distance headed your way.

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