Falling in Love with a Dreamer
Written by a dream-maker.
There are two types of dreamers.
The first one only dreams. They don’t do much apart from planning, thinking and blabbing about their crazy and amazing ideas. Nothing usually materialises.
The other kind is what I’m talking about today, the dreamers that make dreams come true, and continue to dream throughout their lives. These people have an unlimited supply of great ideas, and some of them will become real. They are unfazed by setbacks, trials and errors. Nothing will stop them from making what they imagine.
Technically, we should call them dream-makers. This includes people like Bill Gates, Elon Musk, etc. Their success today started with making their visions came true in the past.
I’m a dream-makers so I know how tough it is to date us. I am now happily in love with a fellow dream-maker. What does it take to love a dreamer and when should we leave these fascinating creatures before it gets too painful?
Why dreamers are so loveable and why it will become painful
Falling in love with dreamers is easy. The sex is epic, chats are expansive and time becomes non-existent.
They make us feel like the world is our oyster and it’s truly a playground. Everything is fascinating and the scope of change, improvement and creation is full-on.
They get fascinated by us ordinaries too, so they spend a lot of time learning about how we move, what we think, etc. It feels great when they seem to find inspiration from us, like Gala to Salvadore Dali, or Mona Lisa to Leonardo da Vinci.
But don’t be so naive! It takes a lot to become the companion of a nutter. Most of us will end up badly hurt.
Stay away from dreamers
There’s a reason why I need to differentiate between dreamers and dream-makers. Because the former are the worst people to date and the latter is the second worse, but not as hopeless.
Dreamers who talk the talk and don’t do anything is the worst because they are cowards. They have all these great ideas in their head but they don’t have the initiative to act it out. They get frustrated by setbacks and are too scared to overcome what life throws at them.
There’s only so much a lover can do to motivate them. After committing our time and resources to help them, they still won’t kick-off. If da Vinci didn’t pick up his brushes and paint, the world will never be fascinated by this mysterious woman’s smile.
A life-long and successful relationship is not one that repeats itself in a vicious loop. This way, not only the dreamer will never move forward, they will drag the other person down too.
Dreamers should stay single to avoid hurting other people and in turn incurring more wounds in themselves, emotionally, physically and spiritually. That’s a simple path to failure.
The only type of people dream-makers should date
Contrary to common misconceptions and dreamers, dream-makers are the most practical and calculated people existed, just as musicians are mathematically-minded and art and science are intrinsically connected.
To make dreams alive, it requires perseverance, stubbornness, maturity, emotional stability and thick skin. An emotional and self-conscious person will never be able to put the focus solely on the work, which clearly is a difficult task.
They also won’t have a lot of time to spend with us because they are too busy. Many dream-makers have at least 2 jobs, a money-making job to fund their dream job.
With the exception of artists who might need a bit more drama and spark in life to stimulate their creativity, most other dream-makers won’t have time for reality-show-level drama. If the relationship disturbs their ability to work, they are very likely to go. How soon will depend on their patience and how much they love you…
So, please, for the sake of great creations and your own sanity, only date dream-makers if you are:
- Mature and emotionally stable
- Independent — including having your own friends, hobbies, visions and dreams
- Don’t bother with drama — this means you can communicate what you want calmly and healthily (check out Natali Morad’s article on effective communication)
When to leave a dream-maker/dreamer
Doing the above shouldn’t be a chore or a tolerance. There are plenty of ordinary people out there who will put their spouse as a priority, rather than one of the many things they need to focus on.
If that’s what you want, then it’s time to take off the rose-tinted glasses of dating dream-makers. We all deserve to feel seen, loved and adequate.
A dreamer doesn’t get a pass to be a jerk, no! Just like Picasso should be remembered as a misogynist rapist, his artistic accomplishment shouldn’t make him immune.
If you are dating a dreamer/dream-maker and you experience the below, you need to go:
- You have bent over backwards to be with them — cancel on your friends, skive school/work, ignore your responsibilities etc.
- They become more important than you to yourself — when the only opinion that matters become theirs, not your own
- You don’t feel loved, valued and treasured — except when having sex (or sometimes not even)
- You feel completely lost, you don’t know what you’re doing, and why
I’m from Hong Kong, and we love karaoke there. Unlike happy, dancy songs, karaoke rooms often become places for people with love problems to release their sadness about a relationship that isn’t quite right. Many people cry when they sing!
The lyrics of these sad Canto-pop songs are often about love that’s not reciprocated rightly or unrequited love. Many of them were so well-composed that it felt like they were speaking my truth.
But that’s not right. Nothing can legitimise being treated rudely and badly. Under no circumstances do we deserve to be belittled, undermined or sidelined.
Dating a dream-maker might mean that the time spend together is limited and we have to be extra independent. But we should still feel loved, and that they are making effort in fitting as much of us in their lives as possible.
If being a dreamer makes one a dick, then they might as well stop dreaming or creating.
Here are my other articles on love with intention:
