Adopt Kendall Jenner’s Outlook, Play In The Big Leagues
The way you handle certain situations is what will set you apart
Kendall Jenner is an American media personality, socialite, and supermodel associated with high-profile brands like Chanel, Fendi, Balmain, and Tommy Hilfiger. She was also crowned Forbes’ highest-paid model two years in a row. Jenner, however, despite all this success is no stranger to rejection. She says:
“I don’t get nervous, but I can definitely get bummed when I’m not chosen. Sometimes I just have to realize that a designer has a vision — maybe they just had something very specific in mind when casting. I have to say things to myself like, ‘It’s not that you’re not cute — maybe they just wanted someone shorter!’ Everyone just wants different things and different vibes. I can’t take it too personally.”
You see, even though rejections can sting, they are an inevitable part of the process. And so, like Jenner, most successful people have since learned not to take these rejections personally. They accept them, get past them, and then they succeed.
Dr. Margie Warrell, a global authority on living and leading with courage, points out that except you are made of psychological Teflon it will be hard not to feel that sting of rejection. In that case, she also advises that what’s important is not to take it personally, or take a rejection as a permanent inadequacy but rather use it to fine-tune what you have to offer and put yourself back out there because after all, you have to be in it to win it.
A psychological trait behind super achievers' ability to move past rejection
JAY-Z who today is a global megastar was once also at the mercy of rejectors during his early attempts at breaking into the rap scene while still dealing drugs and holding down two jobs. The rapper recalls how he was met with a lot of negative responses from record labels who thought he was just terrible. How did he react?
“I could have easily been like ‘maybe what I’m talking about ain’t right! Nobody wants to sign me! That would have stopped the suffering…but I didn’t!”
…and the rest, as they say, is history. Today JAY-Z is rap’s first billionaire and is regarded as one of the most influential hip-hop icons. He is also a successful record producer, businessman and married to the Queen B (Beyonce).
The trait?
It is called “ego effectiveness”. It is a psychological trait that allows certain individuals to always act in accordance with the ideal views they hold of themselves. The thing is, in any given situation — like when rejected — there is a part of us that can recognize effective courses of action we can take; then, there is that part of us that determines how we actually act. The desired state is when there is an alignment between these two parts. This alignment is usually related to several positive outcomes.
“In that case, she advises that what’s important is not to take it personally or take a rejection as a permanent inadequacy but rather use it to fine-tune what you have to offer and put yourself back out there because after all, you have to be in it to win it.”
How does ego effectiveness help them get better at rejection?
Simple, they know how to act and it enables them to actually act that way. Being high in ego effectiveness enables positive actions rather than negative. So, for instance, when faced with rejection, ego effective people do not turn aggressive, get defensive or heap blame elsewhere. They do not react negatively.
Other benefits:
- studies have found that ego effective individuals have higher levels of self-control;
- they are seen as more socially competent;
- experience higher levels of well-being in their daily lives;
- they are able to deal with and overcome problems in their relationships and are less likely to employ problematic strategies such as denial and (or) disengagement in dealing with these problems; and,
- they experience greater relationship responsiveness, engagement and satisfaction.
When it comes to moving past rejections, ego effective, super achiever type individuals who know their worth and are confident about what they have to offer, tend to act positively in accordance with the ideal views they hold of themselves. They seldom let other peoples’ subjective opinions limit or define them and so they usually don’t cower back to their comfort zones never to venture out again for fear of future stings. On the contrary, they take the necessary lesson, if there are any, and put themselves back out there.
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