“F” Comfort Zones!

Take the leap. Who cares if your pants fall down?

As a kid, one of the banes of my existence, at least where grammar school was concerned, was the dreaded oral report. I hated those freakin’ things with a passion.

It might have been yesterday. That’s how clearly I recollect that God-awful moment when I had to stand in front of the classroom and deliver whatever spiel had been assigned to us — something history-related, usually.

It didn’t matter what the particular topic was, or even my degree of preparedness. I was terrified! All those other kids looking at me…assessing me as I shook and quaked, index cards clutched in my sweaty hands, my breath hitching, voice trembling.

Damn. Oral reports. Even the name sounds intimidating. I would obsess over these things for days before the actual “event.” I’d wonder, what would my classmates think? Would they be sizing up my clothes, my hair, my body?

Thinking back, I feel such empathy for that girl. Hindsight, of course. Because, much later, I realized that my classmates probably weren’t paying attention to me as most of them were peeing their pants over their own turns at-bat.

Sure, there were the confident little bastards who could make their reports more like educational stand-up routines, but then, there were those kids who were more traumatized at being under the high-beams than even I was!

I’ll never forget one poor girl who had, in front of everyone, what I can only describe as an “episode.” She completely lost it. Her eyes took on a faraway glassy look as she literally stopped speaking in mid-sentence and just stared at something only she could see. It was terrible to behold. I felt so sorry for her. I recall that our teacher had to physically lead her back to her seat. Or maybe it was out of the room to the nurse’s office. I’m not entirely certain. But it was bad.

Apparently, fear of public speaking is a biggie for a huge number of people. According to psycom.net, it even has a name: Glossophobia! And it’s believed to affect a whopping 75% of the population!

Here are the symptoms, in case you’re wondering:

· Increased blood pressure

· Increased perspiration

· Dry mouth

· A stiffening of the upper back muscles

· Nausea and a feeling of panic when faced with having to speak in public

· Intense anxiety at the thought of speaking in front of a group.

Wow. That’s some tough stuff. It makes you wonder what the hell everyone is so afraid of, doesn’t it? Are we that worried about what others think about us? I guess the answer is a resounding “Hell yes!”

But here’s the deal, sometimes, when you force yourself to face that which you fear most, you discover a whole new “you.” A you who is fierce and fearless. A badass you! More on this in a bit.

I hated having to speak in public. I’ve established this. So, what did I do? I became an advertising and marketing copywriter. A career where it is an absolute necessity to appear confident and sure of oneself as presenting work to colleagues and clients alike is an integral part of the gig. You can’t “shake and quake” in front of a client. Not unless you want a severe dressing down by an asshole of a Creative Director. My last gig in that industry, by the way, was as an Associate Creative Director. I never wanted to be the one to turn the lights off at night. Screw that.

One of the agencies I worked at was Frankel, in Chicago, helmed by a legendary dude named Bud Frankel, who was a true human being in an industry where “humanity” is an oxymoron. The place has gone through several iterations since I’ve been there, as these places do. I couldn’t tell you what the hell it’s called now. I guess I could Google it. But I don’t feel like it!

I was a copywriter on Frankel’s largest account: McDonald’s. Soon after I started there, I had to take part in a presentation “workshop,” along with some of my colleagues, where we had to spend three grueling days being filmed and critiqued by the head of the workshop, and by the other unfortunates who had to take part.

What can I say? It was a big-time suck fest. None of what we had to talk about in front of the camera had to do with work. We were given random topics and had to basically wing it. For a “glossophobic” like myself, it was quite the learning experience.

Another “fun” part of this gig: Every Friday, my whole creative team had to schlep out to McDonald’s corporate office in Oakbrook, Illinois and present that week’s work. In a formal setting. In a theater. From a stage. GULP!!

I remember “losing my virginity” there. I had to open the presentation. I stood on stage as the McFuckedyMucks filed in and sat down.

Knees knocking, I managed a frozen smile that I’m certain made me appear as if I was having gas pains and squeaked out a “Good morning.” Not one of the suits smiled back or acknowledged the greeting. Good times!

But I learned. Did I ever. And the more I spoke in front of people, the better I got. After a while, I aced my presentations. I can’t tell you the exact moment it happened, but I finally realized that I was as good as anyone in the room and better than most.

And that’s how you have to view yourself. As King or Queen of the world. I did, after realizing that the only one holding me back, was…me.

Fast forward to my becoming a screenwriter and the day, a few years back, when one of my short films had its premiere screening at the Los Angeles Film School. What a ride!

I was invited to participate, along with the filmmakers in a Q&A with the audience after the screening. It was a surreal moment. But people, I got on stage and I kicked ass!

That definitely fell under the category of “Things I Never Thought I’d Do.” In fact, I had come so far from that scared kid — and had moved so far out of my comfort zone — that I might as well have been on another planet.

And here’s something else that I never imagined doing: At my last place of employ, where I was unceremoniously laid-off over the phone after fifteen years, I started, and was the lead singer in, a rock band!

It began as a Halloween party joke. I and a few of my work buds decided to dress up as the “Spawn of the Mamas and the Papas.” I rewrote “California Dreamin’” and as it turned out, I could sing.

From there, we got serious. We played at company parties at bars near the agency, had regular rehearsals, fought and had fallings-out, came back together, etc. — just like a real band. I never had so much fun in my life and certainly, never thought I’d be able to do anything like that.

I felt like Joan friggin’ Jett!

Here’s the odd part, but maybe you’ll get it: Although some of my family members came to our gigs, my husband never did. I really didn’t want him to as it’s really difficult to morph into someone else in front of someone who knows you inside and out. Does that make sense? Anyway, he’s never held it against me, thankfully. I’m pretty sure he understands. He knows I’m batshit crazy.

My point to all this is, you can amaze yourself if you just try. It doesn’t matter if it’s fear of public speaking or something else that’s holding you back. Take baby steps. You don’t have to leap out of your comfort zone. It will be there waiting for you if you need to slip back in. But you won’t want to. I promise. Because you know what? You’re kickass just as you are. All you need to do is let others see that. And believe it yourself.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

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