Exploring the Emotions of a Submissive Man
Your affections cloud reality when you envision your domme as superior
A male sub interacting with his domme:
I’ll do anything for you.
Anything?
Yes, anything. I’ll do whatever you say. I know my only purpose in life is to serve you.
That interchange is true love. Or, maybe not.
Or truly infatuated and mentally wrapped up in the woman who dominates his thinking night and day.
The male, and the sub-group known as the male submissive, is an interesting species and I’ll try to reveal the impact that my own emotions have had on me in relationships with dominant women.
My exploration here was prompted by Mysterious Witt who wrote a wonderfully bittersweet story, This is What I Learned When a Man Started Cleaning My House for Free, about a time when she was divorced and worked as a dominatrix to pay the bills.
An older man who was sexually submissive offered to clean her house, no charge. True, he didn’t charge money but his work wasn’t free — at least not free of mental and emotional strings attached.
Why is that?
Let’s begin with what makes a true submissive, truly submissive. And the phrase, “The best sex is in the mind” enters into the equation in a powerful way.
The submissive posture
In past years, I’ve devoured sites on BDSM and Dominant / submissive (D/s) relationships. I bought books, interacted in chat rooms and realized that submitting to another person is a truly mental task. A particular mindset is required.
Experiences vary from one person to another, but a sub can be a strong person emotionally who chooses to give himself, or herself, away to the dominant. A sexually submissive man or woman may call the shots at work or home and yet want that time of yielding control.
That’s a powerful force, and for me, I’m someone who naturally likes to help others. The mental posture of a submissive man who sees his domme as powerful, stately and elegant puts him figuratively and perhaps literally on his knees in front of her.
You want and need that control. Your domme is the only one who can fill that void.
The foggy notion of a pro domme
My first BDSM experiences came through professional dungeons in the greater LA area. The Chateau and Lady Laura’s were two popular places that were well-equipped with nice playrooms, plenty of toys, ropes. They were legendary destination spots.
I learned a great deal about techniques and interactions from both the subs and dommes on the times I did go. I paid for a session, we picked out the toys and when we got to the room, the lady hit a buzzer on an intercom to start the session. When the time was up, the intercom buzzed again and the woman responded, “Thank you.”
And there was no sexual intercourse or oral sex. None. Not allowed. Don’t ask. It was professional. The ladies were pro dommes and pro submissives.
So why do I say, “foggy notion” in the heading above?
Because if a man who is seeing his domme regularly begins feeling emotional attachment, then that attachment can play out vividly in his mind long after the session is over. For days. And the feelings don’t leave. Honestly, it can be a hypnotic effect.
A fog settles in the brain and clouds the fact that this is a professional relationship. Plus, you’re willing to suffer for your domme — and do the anything that she wants. It’s magical.
And if the sub is studying BDSM , or has the mindset that he’ll do anything to please his domme and make her happy, then his emotions connect in much more than a transactional way.
The visit to the pro dungeon, or the strip club, or the massage studio, or the woman’s apartment that you enter with a fistful of dollars in your wallet, is very much part of the relationship. It’s not business. You’re lonely, you’re craving her and in your reality she wants you just as badly — or ten times worse than you want her.
The mind is amazing. Not always truthful, but amazing.
You know you’re not in love, but you’re in something that you like and you know that she feels the same exact way about you. Right? Oh, heck. You’re in love.
I should pause here and delve into the physiological and psychological aspects of sex, but as I said in my article on female sexual superiority, what fun is that?
The potent drug called arousal
In past months, I’ve subscribed to a few accounts on Only Fans (for research purposes) and I can say that gazing at some of the women on the site makes me feel like I love them and, of course, they’re truly interested in me.
Even if they only know I exist because I sent a tip. No tip. No existence. So the more a man wants to be appreciated then the more tips he’ll send.
Why?
The arousal he feels (and I have experienced) is like a drug.
It’s one, giant tease.
Okay, here’s the place where I’ll delve into the mind-body connection.
I was a finsub for a while, a financial submissive, to a findomme. And I discovered something that I never discovered with other lovers whether they were dominant, submissive or vanilla.
I’d get high from being aroused.
Arousal is a powerful drug, especially when it’s coursing through the body. As noted in this article from Healthline, even though the topic is female sexual arousal, physiological changes happen in the brain and body.
Now, what prolonged that high was that I edged myself as my findomme told me to. That meant I masturbated but didn’t have an orgasm, so I didn’t have a release. And since I wasn’t having sex physically with a lover the arousal stayed pent up inside me.
As the arousal wore off, I wanted more and edged more. It kept me connected to her as I described in How Edging Connected My Spirit to a Dominant Woman Online.
Strange and amazing, isn’t it?
So it’s possible that the gentlemanly housecleaner for Mysterious Witt was experiencing the physiological and emotional changes that kept him feeling attached to her.
I feel differently as a sub than as a dom
Since this article isn’t an end-all on the topic, I’ll say that I’ve switched and I feel somewhat differently as a Dom versus when I’ve been a submissive.
I’ve felt more attached and connected to my female dominant than I have my submissive lover.
Why?
That’s what I’d like to know. Maybe because as a Dom then I can be in charge and I have less need for the person. But I’m sure there’s much more to it than that, especially since it wasn’t a large part of my lifestyle.
But I do believe this: that it’s become easier to see myself as a submissive and having strong feelings for my domme.
Perhaps it’s because of all those changes in the mind and body.
By the way, dominant ladies, I’m not your dream housecleaner.
Sorry about that. I don’t want to lead you on.
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