Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

Abstract

ely poor because you don’t have any other suit or you’re superstitious.</p><p id="b02a">Oh no! What if you came back from some funeral on both occasions — your LinkedIn picture photoshoot <i>and</i> your job interview? If, God forbid, that’s the case, I’m deeply sorry for your losses. For a guy who just came from funerals, you’re looking more alive than Toby from the HR department. Oh, I mean, Toby from <i>The Office</i>. You make black look GOLD.</p><p id="0da3">On that note, I’m adding “Buy a black suit tonight” in my <i>Notes</i> app. I don’t have one if you can believe that — not because I’m genuinely poor or superstitious. I just don’t go to funerals. I’m not a funeral guy. I’m a birthday party guy. I like balloons. Actually, <i>obsessed.</i> If people use balloons at funerals, I’ll be there — ten minutes before someone dies. Who doesn’t like balloons? Everyone likes balloons.</p><p id="875c">I see that you have 2591 connections on LinkedIn. I’m impressed. Please tell me they’re not bots. If they’re bots, I’m even more impressed. I’ve seen people getting blocked by bots. Between you and me, I found that I’ve been blocked by sixty-three bots in the last 11 days. It’s humiliating.</p><p id="15de">Hold on! Out of 2591, 2569 are female. You must be a popular man, even if all 2569 are female bots. You don’t treat LinkedIn as Tinder, do you? If you do, I genuinely want to know how you do it and how many dates you’ve gotten from LinkedIn. The sixty-three bots that blocked me? All are allegedly female and undoubtedly bots.</p><p id="45c5">Ugh! The video ended while I was researching your LinkedIn connections and typing you my exclusive updates. I’m not watching it again. For the record, you killed the interview with flying colors.</p><p id="35c3">I’m about to read your CV. It’s the same black suit, standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, in your CV picture.</p><p id="60b6">How many funerals do you go to at this such young age? You must have a strong mental fortitude. You must be a mature person, not that I’m <i>not,</i> just because I don’t go to funerals.</p><p id="a5ce">Attending a funeral in Paris means you’re someone who would travel anywhere on short notice without making fake excuses. We should hire you. You’re a funeral guy, aren’t you? I bet you aren’t a birthday party guy. Do you not like balloons? Oh, I like every color balloon. I’m not a racist.</p><p id="89ff">Overall, I believe I’ve made my decision. I don’t even have to evaluate your application tomorrow. On a completely unrelated note, my best friend Nora has a birthday party tomorrow at our office. Nora works at <i>Rotten Onions</i>, too. She works at the cafeteria. There’ll be balloons —lots of balloons — all colors — including the rainbow balloon. Diversity and Inclusion are extremely important to <i>Rotten Onions</i>.</p><p id="78e8">Are you excited to hear your result? <i>Your excitement is not good enough.</i> I can’t believe I just quoted our HR intro. Shoot me! Although I thoroughly enjoyed learning about you, I firmly believe you’ll not be a right fit for our organization. It has nothing to do with your stellar academic background or your impressive LinkedIn profile connections.</p><p id="1d82">I just

Options

don’t like your name. I never did. <i>Rotten Onions</i> like Tobias, Hans, Fredrik, Maria, Nora, and even Jonas. What kind of a name is Srini? Srini is not a <i>Rotten Onions </i>guy. Change your name to any of the above or literally <i>any</i> Scandinavian name. Then apply for this job and see the magic.</p><p id="6a76">If you want to be hired without an interview, change your name to Maria. Who doesn’t like Maria? Everyone likes Maria. You look like you will make a wonderful Maria. Of course Maria had an interview before she joined here. I’m winking right now.</p><p id="50c5">I highly recommend you not wait for the evaluation by Hans until the day after tomorrow. I know what Hans will say. Hans won’t like Srini. Go change your name today. I hear it’s easy these days, even if you’re a celebrity. Ask<i> Ye</i> who was formerly known as Kanye West. If you choose not to change your name, it would be a real shame for all your talent to go to waste. Let us let you prosper.</p><p id="3dbd">Please tell me you’re not crying. <i>Rotten Onions</i> can’t make anyone cry.</p><p id="9643">Yours truthfully,</p><p id="04ac">Tobias</p><p id="0028">Your <i>unbiased</i> potential future employer, Rotten Onions.</p><p id="1524"><b><i>Falling in love with the name Srini? Read these to realize that Rotten Onions made the right call:</i></b></p><div id="bf20" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-seven-days-in-a-week-work-for-every-employee-who-works-in-the-office-a4ebf4266f2"> <div> <div> <h2>How Seven Days in a Week Work for Every Employee Who Works in the Office</h2> <div><h3>Sunday and Monday are intertwined</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*gDZ2bEHxwTUVg-y9W6hgyQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="f394" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-i-turned-the-tables-on-a-racist-german-girl-b8d078d3b82f"> <div> <div> <h2>How I Turned the Tables on a Racist German Girl</h2> <div><h3>What goes around comes all the way back around</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*8z3sFYN5qvKnpkMmcHAvXw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="38a6" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/reasons-i-was-crying-on-my-flight-ce7a1a859bc3"> <div> <div> <h2>Reasons I Was Crying On My Flight</h2> <div><h3>Brown guys don’t know how to cry</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*xNaNaJYUNjKK5DTSeGWlpQ.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Exclusive Updates On Your Job Interview

Diversity and Inclusion are extremely important to us

Dear Srini,

Organizations have often been reprehended that they don’t tell job candidates why they were rejected and how the evaluation took place, mostly by the candidates who were rejected. You can’t criticize us. We, Rotten Onions in Norway, criticize you. We’re kidding. Unlike other organizations in the world, we’re here to give you exclusive updates on your job interview evaluation.

It means we have no idea if you’re going to be selected or rejected. We’re going to find out together. But deep down, you already know, don’t you? haha You should’ve seen your face. Are you excited to work at Rotten Onions? Your excitement is not good enough. We’re not kidding.

Before we begin, we want to wholeheartedly reject a common myth that employers normally tell unsuccessful job applicants the results first. It doesn’t even make sense. What are you? 4? Why would any employer tell the unsuccessful candidates first? So they can prepare themselves for not joining their new job? Give us a break! Figuratively and literally.

Hiya, Srini! I’m Tobias and I’m unbiased!! That “quick” intro was from our HR team. That was not exactly a killer intro, was it? HR people, amirite? I’ll be evaluating your job application today. Tomorrow? It’ll be Hans. I’m kidding. It’ll be me tomorrow, too. Hans will evaluate you the day after tomorrow.

Where is Hans now? Handsome Hans is on leave today and tomorrow. The rumors from our elite golf club are he has rekindled his past romance with his ex-boyfriend Jonas. Good for him! Not good for Jovial Jonas, I tell ya.

If you don’t remember who did you give your interview to, it was Fredrik and Maria. I’m sure you remember Magnetic Maria. How could anyone ever forget Maria? If you don’t remember Maria, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Who doesn’t like Maria? Everyone likes Maria. If you remember Forgettable Fredrik, you have a photographic memory. Fredrik is the most forgettable guy in our organization. He often forgets himself, too.

Let’s get down to the business. Are you watching this, HR? This is how you give a killer intro. Alright, Srini! I’m watching the recorded video of your interview, thanks to Zoom. Wait! Why is your face zoomed in? I’m zooming out now. Too much! Zooming in, again. I must say your black suit looks prettaay classy. Dude, you stutter a lot. Wait! My bad. I forgot we have a horrible wifi connection, almost as horrible as our HR department.

Simultaneously, I’m checking your LinkedIn profile. Whoa! You’re wearing the exact same black suit, standing on the beach in your LinkedIn profile picture. I’m wondering if you’re genuinely poor because you don’t have any other suit or you’re superstitious.

Oh no! What if you came back from some funeral on both occasions — your LinkedIn picture photoshoot and your job interview? If, God forbid, that’s the case, I’m deeply sorry for your losses. For a guy who just came from funerals, you’re looking more alive than Toby from the HR department. Oh, I mean, Toby from The Office. You make black look GOLD.

On that note, I’m adding “Buy a black suit tonight” in my Notes app. I don’t have one if you can believe that — not because I’m genuinely poor or superstitious. I just don’t go to funerals. I’m not a funeral guy. I’m a birthday party guy. I like balloons. Actually, obsessed. If people use balloons at funerals, I’ll be there — ten minutes before someone dies. Who doesn’t like balloons? Everyone likes balloons.

I see that you have 2591 connections on LinkedIn. I’m impressed. Please tell me they’re not bots. If they’re bots, I’m even more impressed. I’ve seen people getting blocked by bots. Between you and me, I found that I’ve been blocked by sixty-three bots in the last 11 days. It’s humiliating.

Hold on! Out of 2591, 2569 are female. You must be a popular man, even if all 2569 are female bots. You don’t treat LinkedIn as Tinder, do you? If you do, I genuinely want to know how you do it and how many dates you’ve gotten from LinkedIn. The sixty-three bots that blocked me? All are allegedly female and undoubtedly bots.

Ugh! The video ended while I was researching your LinkedIn connections and typing you my exclusive updates. I’m not watching it again. For the record, you killed the interview with flying colors.

I’m about to read your CV. It’s the same black suit, standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, in your CV picture.

How many funerals do you go to at this such young age? You must have a strong mental fortitude. You must be a mature person, not that I’m not, just because I don’t go to funerals.

Attending a funeral in Paris means you’re someone who would travel anywhere on short notice without making fake excuses. We should hire you. You’re a funeral guy, aren’t you? I bet you aren’t a birthday party guy. Do you not like balloons? Oh, I like every color balloon. I’m not a racist.

Overall, I believe I’ve made my decision. I don’t even have to evaluate your application tomorrow. On a completely unrelated note, my best friend Nora has a birthday party tomorrow at our office. Nora works at Rotten Onions, too. She works at the cafeteria. There’ll be balloons —lots of balloons — all colors — including the rainbow balloon. Diversity and Inclusion are extremely important to Rotten Onions.

Are you excited to hear your result? Your excitement is not good enough. I can’t believe I just quoted our HR intro. Shoot me! Although I thoroughly enjoyed learning about you, I firmly believe you’ll not be a right fit for our organization. It has nothing to do with your stellar academic background or your impressive LinkedIn profile connections.

I just don’t like your name. I never did. Rotten Onions like Tobias, Hans, Fredrik, Maria, Nora, and even Jonas. What kind of a name is Srini? Srini is not a Rotten Onions guy. Change your name to any of the above or literally any Scandinavian name. Then apply for this job and see the magic.

If you want to be hired without an interview, change your name to Maria. Who doesn’t like Maria? Everyone likes Maria. You look like you will make a wonderful Maria. Of course Maria had an interview before she joined here. I’m winking right now.

I highly recommend you not wait for the evaluation by Hans until the day after tomorrow. I know what Hans will say. Hans won’t like Srini. Go change your name today. I hear it’s easy these days, even if you’re a celebrity. Ask Ye who was formerly known as Kanye West. If you choose not to change your name, it would be a real shame for all your talent to go to waste. Let us let you prosper.

Please tell me you’re not crying. Rotten Onions can’t make anyone cry.

Yours truthfully,

Tobias

Your unbiased potential future employer, Rotten Onions.

Falling in love with the name Srini? Read these to realize that Rotten Onions made the right call: