Even Small Acts of Courage Make a Difference

On Being Raised in a Family of Bigotry and Racism

Courage is found in unlikely places. ~J. R. R. Tolkien~

I never considered myself a courageous person because I’ve lived with a lot of fear in my life. Most of my early fear stemmed from the strange family dynamics I found myself in after coming out of a coma when I was six with no memory of who I was, nor who my parents or my siblings were. I expressed a lot of that fear and doubt in this poem, so I won’t rehash much of it here. Needless to say, I didn’t know where I belonged in the world, how I was supposed to behave, or where I fitted in.

I recently spoke to my therapist about how different I am from the rest of my family — I have differing views on religion, politics, racism and the LGBTQ+ community. My family has always been of the Southern Baptist, fire and brimstone temperament of Christianity; I am more of a Spiritualist and don’t adhere to much of the hell and damnation form of Christianity. They are very conservative; I am progressive, liberal and even a bit of a socialist. My parents and both siblings were/are racists and bigots — anyone not like them are “others” and they don’t tolerate them well; I, on the other hand, have always embraced the “others” with love and compassion, seeing all of us as Humans first. As you can imagine, my family and I didn’t/don’t gel very well.

Since all I have left of my immediate family now is my sister, I asked my therapist how I could bridge this gap of differences between us before it becomes another grand schism. During the course of that discussion, she told me something that I had never considered. When I awakened with no memory, anything that my parents may have taught me about their brand of religion, politics, racism or bigotry, was gone. I was a clean slate. And as such, I discovered the world all on my own without all the preconceived biases. That was a huge light bulb moment for me!

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. ~Steve Jobs~

As a result of discovering the world on my own and without even realizing it, I have done exactly what Steve Jobs said — I have always followed my own heart and intuition, and have been guided by my own inner voice. And because of that, I have always had this sense of understanding that to treat others as less than yourself is wrong.

My therapist also reminded me that as soon as I could, I left that small-minded town and small-minded people behind, but my parents and siblings remained there. So while my mind was expanding by new surroundings, cultures and people, theirs remained narrow and fixated on only what they allowed in according to their own biases.

All of that is true, but what about the eleven years that I was living with them after the coma? Why didn’t some of their narrow-mindedness wear off on me then?

I had black friends in school, but because I lived on one side of town and they lived on another, none of them ever came to my house after school or vice versa. I knew some gay people in school, but of course, they weren’t openly out. I only knew of them because they knew they could trust me to not say anything. If I could have these diverse experiences while still in my small town, why didn’t my siblings? My therapist helped me with this dilemma too — I was an other because I didn’t fit in at home, and so I gravitated towards people on the outside of “normal” society. I found my niche.

Over the years, I have stood up to my family when their negative behaviors have bothered me to the point of heartache, and I guess in some ways, that took courage. I didn’t change their points of view and it didn’t stop them from still saying racist and bigoted things around me, but at least they knew where I stood on issues.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. ~Mark Twain~

And now, I am trying to understand my sister’s perspectives because I want to be apart of her life and I want her to be apart of mine. And I hope that one day she may try to understand my perspectives too. That’s still a work-in-progress and may or may never be completed. I think the attempt is a form of courage though, especially since I am trying despite the fear that she and I will drift apart again.

Thanks to therapy, I’ve come a long way from the fearful child I once was. I still have a lot of work to do to master fear and live more courageously — wash, rinse and repeat — and there are still days when I don’t believe I am a courageous person, but I am learning that not all brave acts have to be grand ones and that even small ones can make a difference.

©2020 Lori Carlson. All rights reserved.

This rambling mess came about via Diana C’s This Week’s Prompt: 15–21.06 — All things courage. Of which I may or may not have answered the prompt. I will leave that up to you to decide, dear readers.

If you enjoyed this personal essay, perhaps you would enjoy this Haibun Poem:

Lori Carlson writes poetry, fiction, articles and personal essays. Most of her topics are centered around Relationships, Spirituality, Life Lessons, Mental Health, and the LGBTQ+ community. She currently writes for Loose Words,💜POM💜 , Illumination, The Friday Fix, House of Haiku, Know Thyself, Heal Thyself, The Purple Pen, Blue Insights, a Few Words, Invisible Illness and Tempest in Under 1000