Even More Carols of Halloween!
Last Halloween we talked about some of the Carols of Halloween, and we said
“No, idiots, I don’t mean those Carols that got chopped up by Axe-Guy down at the lake last October 31. I mean the traditional songs of Halloween!”
which was very popular and requests poured in, please tell us more about the music of Halloween — one of the most musical seasons.
But some people were upset. Some people said we didn’t know what we were talking about — they said Axe-Guy never threw the bodies into the lake!
Well no duh, idiots! Read my quote again — I never said he disposed of the bodies in the lake, I just said that was were he first chopped them up.
This tweet should prove to you that I know exactly how he disposed of the bodies
Yep, old axe guy was just a normal god-fearing Christian with a loving family, so he used to go to the lake at the nearby park to practice his hobby
But then he didn’t dispose of the bodies there, some people say that was because he was smart but I say it was cause he was cuckoo for cocoa puffs (which is a technical term we professionals like to use)
So like last year, we’re just going to present some favorite songs of the season for you to get all misty-eyed over and remember the time you went out caroling with your friends for Halloween but only you returned alive
Good Count Dracula
Good Count Dracula looked out On the Feast of Humans When the Corpses lay round about Deep and crisp and even Brightly shone the moon that night Though the frost was cruel When a poor man came in sight Gathering Autumn fuel…
The opening to. a heartwarming song about the Count going around drinking peasants.
Maybe you think Vampire’s suck and Werewolves are more to your taste don’t worry Illuminati Ganga has you covered
Silver Bullets
Silver Bullets, Silver Bullets
It’s Halloween down on your block,
Hear them bang, hear them pow
Shooting Werewolves in the cock
Hear them howl, hear them cry
Lycanthropes going in-to shock!
Silver Bullets, Silver Bullets
It’s Halloween down on your block
Hush, Hush, Hush Here Comes The Bogeyman!
Children, have you ever met the Bogeyman before? No, of course you haven’t, for you’re much too good I’m sure.
Don’t you be afraid of him, if he should visit you. He’s a great big coward, so I’ll tell you what to do:
Hush, hush, hush Here comes the Bogeyman! Don’t let him come too close to you He’ll catch you if he can. Just pretend, That you’re a crocodile, And you will find that Bogeyman will run away a mile.
Say Shoo, shoo, And stick him with a pin! Boogeyman will very nearly jump out of his skin.
Say Buzz-Buzz, Just like the wasp that stings, Bogeyman will think you are an elephant with wings!
Hush, hush, hush, Here comes the Bogeyman! Tell him you got soldiers in your bed, For he will never guess that they are only made of lead.
Say, Hush, hush! He’ll think that you’re asleep. If you make a lovely snore, Away he’ll softly creep.
Sing this tune, you children one and all, Bogeyman will run away, He’ll thinks it’s Henry Hall!
When the shadows of the evening creep across the sky, And your mommy comes upstairs to sing a lullaby, Tell her that the Bogeyman no longer frightens you, Uncle Henry very kindly told you what to do!
Hush, hush, hush, Here comes the Bogeyman! Don’t let him come too close to you, He’ll catch you if you can.
Just pretend, your teddy bear’s a dog! Then shout out, “Fetch him teddy!” And he’ll hop off like a frog!
Say “Meow!” Pretend that you’re a cat, He’ll will think you may scratch and That will make him fall down flat.
Just pretend he isn’t really there, You will find that Bogeyman will vanish in thin air.
Here’s One Way, To catch him without fail: Just keep a little salt with you And put it on his tail!
This next carol celebrates The Devil’s Balls. No not the kind of balls one fondles, but grand dances in which all sorts of interesting people get to strut their stuff!
At The Devil’s Ball
I had a dream, last night,
That filled me full of fright:
I dreamt that I was with the Devil, below,
In his great big fiery hall,
Where the Devil was giving a ball.
I checked my coat and hat
And started gazing at
The merry crowd that came to witness the show;
And I must confess to you.
There were many there I knew.
The Wife of Mikhail Bulgakov, Elena Sergeevna Shilovskaya, described a ball that she attended at the house of the American ambassador in Moscow.
I have never seen such ball in my life. They were all carrying tail coats, there were only a few jackets and smokings.
They danced in a room with columns lit by streams of light coming from a gallery; behind a gate which separated them from the orchestra, there were living pheasants and other birds. We had dinner at small tables in a huge dining room with, in a corner, living baby bears, goats and roosters in cages. During dinner, musicians played the accordeon.
In the room where we had dinner, the table where we were sitting was covered with a green transparant cloth lit from inside. There were armfuls of tulips and roses. I do not mention the abundance of food and champagne. On the upper floor (it is a big and luxurious mansion) they had arranged a room with a grillroom for shashlik and people were doing Caucasian dances.
We wanted to leave the place at half past three but they did not allow us to leave. We left at half past five in one of the cars of the embassy. A certain Steiger, I believe, a man whom we do not know but whom all Moscow knows and who can always be found when there are foreigners, joined us in the car. He was sitting next to the driver and we were in the rear. It was already daylight when we arrived home
source: https://www.masterandmargarita.eu/app/en/annotations23.html
What is left out of this anecdote is that this party was on Halloween and at midnight some Bolsheviks showed up to do some caroling and they sang this very song. So amazing. The Bolsheviks outside holding lanterns and torches and swords and singing with their deep baritones, while the Americans all stood around pointing at them with their rifles, bayonets attached!
At the Devil’s Ball,
At the Devil’s Ball
I saw the cute Missus Devil, so pretty and fat,
Dress’d in a beautiful fireman’s hat;
Ephraham, the Leader man, who led the band last fall,
He play’d the music at the Devil’s Ball,
In the Devil’s hall,
I saw the funniest devil that I ever saw
Taking the tickets from folks at the door;
I caught a glimpse of my mother-in-law
Dancing with the Devil,
Oh! the little Devil,
Dancing at the Devil’s Ball.
Of course a ball like this requires quite a bit of preparation — I mean it is insane!
The Queen of the ball has to wear these slippers with rose petals but actually made out of the Ãbtu fish that swims along the Sektet boat in the river of the underworld! It needs to be made out of the fish so that it will slide onto the feet by themselves, in the same way Leto Atreides II fused with a school of sandtrout. These shoes give you superhuman dancing ability!
The Devil’s Pa and Ma
Were standing at the bar,
Conversing with the little fellow who first
Put the pain in champagne wine,
He was pouring it out in a stein
I bought a round of ice
For ev’rybody twice,
It wasn’t long before I ordered a fan;
And before the break of dawn
I put my overcoat in pawn.
The Devil’s ball is a moving festivity that can be encountered anywhere in the world if you have the right ticket, it is quite an amazing occasion — here is a description of just one of the many diversions to be found within its confines
There were no columns in the next hall, but instead it was flanked by walls of red, pink, and milky-white roses on one side and on the other by banks of Japanese double camellias. Fountains played between the walls of flowers and champagne bubbled in three ornamental basins, the first of which was a translucent violet in colour, the second ruby, the third crystal. Negroes in scarlet turbans were busy with silver scoops filling shallow goblets with champagne from the basins. In a gap in the wall of roses was a man bouncing up and down on a stage in a red swallow-tail coat, conducting an unbearably loud jazz band.
Please take the time to attend if you have the possibility. You deserve it!
A Halloween Playlist
OTHER RESOURCES
As you will no doubt have noticed we reference tweets from the following people who are not members of Illuminati Ganga — check them out
Jack Kelly — @JackKel19462997
This guy’s “Not Dead Yet”! Obviously he went out caroling with friends one Halloween and is still bragging about having survived more than a decade later!
This was written by IG Agent 77, who is really into the Holiday music of Halloween, Samhain, and Glorious Kills Day.