The Carols of Halloween

No, idiots, I don’t mean those Carols that got chopped up by Axe-Guy down at the lake last October 31. I mean the traditional songs of Halloween!

That’s right, As we enter this joyous time of year only one thing saddens me, the lack of attention that the grand tradition of Halloween music receives from the public. There is something wonderful about the caroling Halloween celebrants going around the neighborhood, singing their songs and getting hot mugs of pumpkin spice chocolate and skull candies, and if they don’t get these breaking into people’s houses,tying them up and torturing them with drills and power saws as is the custom of the season.

Perhaps it is the threat of gruesome murder that has made Halloween caroling fall from favor, but I would like to preserve some of those great songs of the season before it is too late, so here are some of my favorite Carols of Halloween and I hope you will like them too.

Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells why won’t they shut up

Being chased by werewolves, ain’t this just my luck

Dashing through the gloom

In a one-horse open cart

Trying to escape the doom

Where Werewolves eat my heart

You had to read the tome

And utter the mad curse

Now if we get home

I’m sure it’s in a hearse

Ohhhh…

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells why won’t they shut up

Being chased by werewolves, ain’t this just my luck

God Roust Ye Merry Gentlemen

God Roust ye merry Gentlemen let nothing ye dismay!

There are very many vampires for ye to slay

Remember to chop off their heads

And with garlic fill their necks

In order ye may be assured to send their souls to heck

In order ye may be assured to send their souls to heck!

Devils call ye gloomy Vampires there’s gentlemen to drink!

You hear them stumble bout your crypt

And smell their officious stink

Their blood is quite delicious their wills easy to break

These mortals fools should really have brought a cross with that stake

These mortals fools should really have brought a cross with that stake!

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies

It’s beginning to look a lot like Zombies

everywhere we go

Children are eating their mommies

a baby is chewing my toe!

It’s beginning to look apocalyptic

everywhere we flee

a zombie bit Jack’s arm off

lucky it didn’t bite me

It’s beginning to look a lot like a virus

turned everyone undead

maybe that’s why I’m hungry

And there’s a buzzing in my head

The zombies have turned unfriendly

and all our friends are dead

Jack is returning and you know it’s true

I’m feeling a mite peckish

soon I’ll be turning you!

This was written by IG Agent 77, who is really into the Holiday music of Halloween, Samhain, and Glorious Kills Day.