Summary

The article discusses the concept of emotional vampirism, offering insights from an aspiring therapist on how to identify and deal with individuals who drain one's emotional energy.

Abstract

The piece, written by an aspiring therapist with experience in crisis lines, addresses the phenomenon of emotional vampirism, where certain individuals consistently deplete others' emotional energy. With the approach of Halloween and the likelihood of increased indoor time, the author emphasizes the importance of recognizing emotional vampires, who can be found among friends, family, or colleagues. These individuals are characterized by their inability to take accountability, dramatic tendencies, jealousy, need for emotional sustenance, and manipulative kindness. The article provides strategies for preserving one's energy, such as setting boundaries and pursuing personal interests, and warns against the dangers of neglecting self-care in the face of emotional demands.

Opinions

Emotional vampires are adept at deflecting blame and manipulating others to avoid accountability.
They often create or are at the center of dramatic situations, portraying themselves as victims to garner attention and support.
Emotional vampires may exhibit narcissistic traits, feeling threatened by others' successes and craving recognition for their own achievements.
These individuals feed off the emotional energy of others, particularly when their targets are vulnerable or stressed.
They may use gaslighting tactics to confuse and manipulate their victims, making them question their own perceptions and sanity.
Emotional vampires are often charming and endearing, which can make it difficult for others to distance themselves.
The author suggests that setting boundaries and engaging in self-care activities are crucial for maintaining one's emotional well-being when dealing with emotional vampires.
The article implies that it is not selfish to protect oneself from emotional exploitation, and doing so is necessary to avoid complete emotional depletion.

Escaping Emotional Vampires

Insights From an Aspiring Therapist

As an aspiring therapist who volunteers extensively for some notable crisis lines, I’ve encountered a spike in the number of people reporting feeling drained of their energy.

With Halloween on the horizon, and with the world being the way it is, there is a greater likelihood of spending increased amounts of time in closed quarters, where you are more likely to feel emotionally drained after a long day.

Photo by Michele Caliani on Unsplash — She is emotionally burdened by a vampire.

What is Emotional Vampirism?

Emotional vampires are people who often drain us of our physical and mental energy reserves. They basically feed on our kindness and leave us feeling more exhausted and overwhelmed by the end of each and every interaction.

Anyone could be an emotional vampire. It could be your best friend, your neighbour, or even your loving and doting spouse.

Identifying and responding to this type of behaviour can help you figure out how to best preserve your energy while also combatting the vitriol of distress you might be experiencing from such a vampire.

Since there’s little opportunity to physically escape the immediate environment that fosters emotional vampirism, here are some basic signs that you’ve likely encountered an emotional vampire:

1) Unable to Take Accountability

Emotional vampires are often charismatic, endearing, and charming. They can talk their way out of trouble since they know what you want to hear. They can be calculative and cunning and can deflect the problem onto someone else.

“He was the one mad at me. I don’t know what he did.”

An emotional vampire will never accept responsibilities for their role in a circumstance. They often leave you feeling guilty and sorry, as if you were completely at fault.

“I can’t believe he screwed this up. How embarassing.”

2) Dramatic Tendencies

Energy vampires have a flair for drama. They’re constantly in the centre of catastrophes, and often paint themselves as the victim. When they see you, they fling the vitriol of this drama onto you.

“Why is everyone mad at me? I just sat there. I didn’t deserve to be thrown out.”

You end up absorbing this drama, trying to fix their situation for them, and eventually, this will correct their course of action. By enabling their behaviour, they will know to come back to you, even if it's at the expense of your own health.

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash — How tired you must feel.

3) Marked by Jealousy

You cannot outdo the energy vampire. The energy vampire is at the top of their game, and they’d like everyone to know it. They don’t like sharing their so-called personal accolades with you, making them very narcissistic.

“I’m so proud of you for accepting the job offer. Once you get 8 years of experience, alongside some prestigious awards, you’ll catch up to me.”

They’re insecure in this manner. They’ve tied themselves deeply to their material possessions, name-dropping brands like as if there’s no tomorrow. It’s hard for them to be genuinely proud of others.

4) Fuelled by Emotional Buffets

Energy vampires require the sustenance of your emotional energies to keep themselves afloat. If you’re at your least optimal, they’ve likely taken a lot of out of you, and they’re at their prime.

“I know you’re really busy with work at the moment, but I really need to talk to you about some drama right now. You have to help me. You’re the only person who can do this.”

When you call them out on their behaviour, they find ways to deflect the problem, as if you were the crazy one, through gaslighting.

“What are you talking about? I never said that yesterday. You must be imagining things.”

5) Weaponized Kindness

Emotional vampires know that the person who cares about them is relatively attached to them, making them prime victims for energy drainage.

“Hey, I know you helped out Madison last night, and I wanted you to help me out now. If you don’t do this, are you as kind as you say you are?”

Kindness can take many forms, such as listening in to someone’s problem, being generous with their time, or even expending their energy where little exists.

Photo by Brut Carniollus on Unsplash — It’s okay to be tired.

However, we can’t physically help people 24 hours a day. We have to take care of ourselves and keep our reserves sustained, otherwise there will be nothing left of us.

If that means establishing boundaries away from the person or even developing a new set of activities to distract ourselves with, it might give greater clarity on how to tackle the situation.

For example, you can:

Spend less time with the person, and keep your distance
Make yourself less reliant on them, and pursue interests on your own
Be kind but set firm limits, such as reminders that you are busy right now
Be explicit on what your body language means, especially if they don’t get the memo

As the author Penny Reid once wisely said,

“Don’t set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm.”

This author has produced similar articles across similar topics, which explores some of the other angles of emotional vampirism, such as gaslighting and narcissism: