avatarAmanda Jayne O'Hare


End Of Year Reflections Met With Love, Respect and Self-Compassion

Check-in time

Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash

As we head into the Christmas weekend, I’m so ready to relax into it! How about you?

I’ll be mainly curling up indoors with Ruby, reading, eating, relaxing and enjoying just being.

With yesterday’s Winter Solstice here in sunny Scotland, the days will start getting longer again. For me, though, I haven’t found the dark days depressing, but as a chance to embrace getting in line with nature; slowing down, staying in and connecting with Ruby at home, as well as myself.

I don’t think I’ve been as ‘end of yearreflecty ( yes, I’m sticking with reflecty) as I have this year.

Maybe it’s because it’s the least chaotic Christmas I’ve had in a little while, what I have been finding though, especially with Mercury Retrograde in the mix, is that I’m being given a chance to re-evaluate my life, business and how I move in the world; a chance to check in that I am aligning with my true values.

You know what I’ve found?

There’s quite a bit of shoogling I need to get back in line with those values.

And that’s ok.

When the chips are down, you do your best with what you’ve got and adjust your course as you go. Maintaining a rigid schedule, and routine isn’t always possible and sometimes, boundaries can also go a bit squiffy.

Where I’ve fallen short on my values has been towards myself.

I’ve recognised so many areas where I have sold myself short and ‘settled’.

I’ve had a bit of grief to navigate with that and along with it, I’ve had the challenge of not judging or criticising what I’ve found but to be able just to observe it with curiosity.

It’s not all doom and gloom — I’ve also been taking stock of all of the amazing things I am blessed to have, have achieved and how much I have grown and showed up for myself. It’s been an incredibly powerful year and some of my biggest flexes have been the ones like learning to rest, switching how I talk to myself to self-loving and empowering and gaining so much clarity on who I am and what I want my onward journey to look like.

I treat myself incredibly well.

I invite you to do the same over the Christmas period -

Can you accept the challenge of bearing witness to where you are criticising yourself or your behaviours and choices over the Festive season and just observe them, with love?

Just creating that pause by recognising you’re judging or criticising yourself stops you in the flow of that energy and even if you aren’t able to reframe it into something loving instead — over time, it may just be a habit you’re able to cultivate and use to your benefit and success.

You see, much of deciding to make changes to your lifestyle, your health and fitness has to do with your relationship with your beliefs and how you relate to them. When you can interrupt the thoughts which create distress and shame, you gift yourself the opportunity to choose a different path.

A more loving and supportive one.

One thought that may come up with this challenge is that it feels like it’s work and it’s hard; maybe it even creates a stress response in your body.

What other things trigger the same?

In the places we hold mental resistance are the places that hold the keys.

Self-criticism and shame can be an addiction, an emotional addiction which feels like (and is often sold as) motivation.

Could you choose to explore what it might look like to ditch negative reinforcement as a driver towards your goals and instead invite the idea that it could be enjoyable, and pleasurable and that any pain is the satisfying afterburn of a workout that genuinely brings you motivation because you love it and would love to see where it could take you, rather than how hard you can push your limits to reach an outcome?

The first step is to recognise how you talk to yourself and Christmas time is fodder for finding little self-directed jibes.

My easiest replacement when I notice one has come up is ‘I love you’.

You can mentally say it, rather than awkwardly drop it at the dinner table at random of course. It may feel strange at first, yet, it’s a really simple, simple way of recognising your inner critic (who is really only trying to protect you, however misguided in their efforts) — soothing the inner critic and yourself at the same time.

Watch how much energy you cultivate when you’re not beating down on yourself hundreds of times a day.

You can journal through this practice to recognise your most common jibes and create new ones directly to counter them by doing this.

You deserve to receive the love from yourself you so freely share with others, too.

If you’d like me to walk with you on your journey in the New Year, I have a limited amount of spots for 1–2–1 and VIP days from late January onwards. You can reply to this email and I will get back to you in the New Year to get you hooked up! I’m so looking forward to it!

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Trauma Recovery
Mental Health
Self Improvement
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