Emotional Neglect: How to Heal Your Invisible Childhood Wounds

How experiencing childhood emotional neglect can inflict wounds more than you realise and what you can do to heal from them

Most of us would dismiss childhood emotional neglect as anything important since it wasn’t as if we went through a life-threatening or obviously harmful experience.

We perceive neglect as not being quite the same as a situation of physical abandonment, physical or even emotional abuse. After all, how can there be childhood trauma when our parents were mostly not around? Yet, if we are to dive in more deeply, we may just discover this….

Emotional neglect can inflict invisible wounds, even in the absence of any physical signs of abuse.

The wounds are not visible on the surface.

Rather they are hidden in the deep layers of our psyche.

Well, I was able to detect mine after much investigation.

In Search for Answers

For a long time, I did not realise that my insecurity issues were connected to having working parents who were emotionally absent and being alone when I was young.

My childhood days were pretty much a blur, mostly because they weren’t filled with exciting or fun activities. “Girls are not meant to be running around,” I was told. So, for the most part, I lived in a silent world and being left on my own. I was an obedient kid, buried my head in books, hardly drawing attention and secretly believing that I was “second best” to my brother.

As I got older, life showed me how miserable one can get with living in insecurity, feeling alone and not belonging. Even after getting interested in personal development, I found out that it wasn’t easy to will away the belief of “not good enough” despite repeated attempts. I was clueless on what I was missing.

When I finally discovered that the answer could lie in addressing emotional neglect, I experienced tremendous relief. It proved to be a revelation of sorts. From the discovery, I was able to get the healing that I needed to address the root cause. My self-love tank has been pretty full ever since.

Why We Tend to Overlook Emotional Neglect

We believe that it is no big deal to be left to our own devices when we were children.

After all, dad was busy with trying to provide for the family and mom was occupied with handling her own challenges — and so we understand the reasons why they were largely absent. Being “good” kids, we took on the belief that it was best not to be seen or heard because we did not want to add to their stress. We kept out of their way as much as possible and we worked hard in our studies because this was the least expected of us.

As mature adults, we choose not to blame our parents for not being around for us. We understand that they were doing the best that they can back then. Thus, we don’t realise that the years of neglect can take a toll on us emotionally.

Should we face problems like anxiety or depression today, we are not able to see that there could be a possible link to the neglect that we had once faced. It wasn’t obvious that there was trauma or that we felt a void. In fact, we may address the issues we face currently with solutions such as taking anti-depressants, reading a self-help book or even attending a motivational class. Because these short-term solutions do not address the root cause of the problems, we could be suffering for years.

The Repercussions of Childhood Emotional Neglect

According to studies, childhood trauma in the form of emotional neglect is a significant factor in depression and anxiety.

The effects are felt more so with a mom who is emotionally absent. When she doesn’t bond with her child, her neglect thwarts his or her development, creates feelings of insecurity, reduces self-esteem and impairs the ability to forge healthy relationships. Where there is the absence of validation, expressions of love, and guidance, a child experiences voids in her heart — unlovable, alone, hopelessness, despair, and a pervasive sense of emptiness.

For some of my clients who did not receive the nourishment that they needed as a child, they ended up with a deep sense of disconnection. The disconnection that they felt manifested in dissatisfying relationships and being unable to build close bonds with their spouse and children. Fortunately, it is from our sessions together that they realised how much they had cut off from their feelings and what the root cause could be. Thus, we were able to work on reparenting themselves with love in the present.

How to Heal from Childhood Emotional Neglect

Having experienced positive changes, I know the difference that healing can make for someone who once experienced emotional neglect. It’s why I now choose to help others with the same problem I once had too. Clearly, awareness needs to be created for anyone to seek help; since the tendency is to overlook any form of emotional neglect.

In fact, the need to bring greater awareness led me to writing this article. More of us need to know that it is not just a singular event that we are healing from. On the contrary, it is for the experience in our childhood life that creates the many repercussions today.

So what can you do next?

1. Check if the struggles you face today are related to having an emotionally absent mother or being neglected by your father when you were young.
2. If so, you may want to seek help to heal the invisible wounds especially if they have been causing internal bleeding.

It remains that your emotional needs for love and care were not met at a time when you needed them — for example, when you were a newborn, 6 year-old or 14 year- old. As such, find the appropriate help that you need from someone trained who can help you with inner child healing.

Additionally, I’d like to propose a solution that involves energy healing too. Through reconnecting with our younger selves that have been left neglected, we can work on releasing any emotional disruptions caused by neglect from the body, thus healing any wounds at a deep subconscious level. The energy healing process helps us to integrate into wholeness, align with our authentic self and restore love where there were gaps before. It’s healing that flows through at every level of our being.

We undergo energy healing not just for ourselves but for our kids too. Our actions cause a break in the patterns from being passed down. It’s never too late to get healing done even if our children are no longer young. Feeling loved from the inside, we naturally become more loving parents. The relationships with our partners improve too.

Ultimately, we gain a sense of freedom and fullness that helps us take charge of our life and to create one that matters.

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