Eat Your Peas or Else . . .

ADHD Kids Need Boundaries, Not Excessive Rules

To this very day, I’m convinced no food exists that’s more disgusting than canned peas. Well, broccoli is a close second, but we never had broccoli when I was a kid. Maybe my Father hated it? My adult son still gags at the mere mention of broccoli.

Here’s what happened at my house to a little girl with ADHD named MaryJo who didn’t like peas:

“Finish up your peas and bring your plate into the kitchen so I can wash your plate.”

“I am,” I hollered at my Mother.

“Don’t yell,” she replied. “And stop playing with your food.”

“I’m not playing with my food. I’m making a neat picture with my peas.”

We argued about me eating my peas for what seemed like an eternity.

“Cease and desist with all this dilly-dallying and EAT your peas.”(“Cease and desist” was one of my Mom’s many variations on the word “stop.” She also liked “dilly-dally.” This was before the term “goofing off” had come into use.)

“MaryJo, I want to remind you of all the starving children in India who aren’t lucky enough to have peas.” (Please, oh please, if only she’d let me send my peas to the starving children in India.)

She reminded me that we don’t sing or hum at the table. And we certainly don’t tap at the table.

Now it wasn’t just any old tapping, I was practicing the Morse Code.

Oh, I had perseverance. And that goes a long way in combating ADHD.

Obviously my Mom also had perseverance. If used more sensibly, it’s one solution to helping your ADHD kids.

But back to my story.

My peas would soon be pre-historic relics. I HAD to come up with something.

“Mom, I have to go to the bathroom.”

“OK, but hurry back to the table or your peas will get cold.” (Like they weren’t already cold!)

The coast was clear. She’d finished all the dishes but my fork and plate and had retired to the living room to read the latest issue of Ladies Home Journal.

I dashed down the stairs to the basement bathroom. Flushed the toilet to make noise and tiptoed back upstairs. Now in the kitchen, I opened the cupboard under the sink and found an empty olive jar in the trash.

Back at the table, I surreptitiously scooped the peas into the olive jar, screwed the lid on, stuck the jar in my pocket, and announced, “Mom, I’ve finished my peas.”

The next day, I dropped the olive jar now filled with mushed peas into the wastebasket at school. All was well until the next time my Mother served canned peas.

ADHD kids often have creative solutions to dilemmas. They are bright and quite clever. I was one of those children.

I won’t bore you with the details of sitting at the breakfast table in front of a bowl filled with a cold, lumpy glob that masqueraded as oatmeal.

My Mom was extreme. Some would even say “cruel.” Although she certainly didn’t mean to be cruel. And to give her credit, many years later when I had a child of my own, she admitted that maybe she’d been a bit harsh about “eat everything on your plate even if it makes you want to throw up.”

I certainly don’t recommend such excessive rules. However, ADHD kids — even though they may whine — thrive on order, consistency, and boundaries.

And in many ways, my Mom’s obsession with order, consistency, and boundaries, not to mention RULES, helped me control ADHD.

As an adult, I often went back home to my Mother’s house if even for a short visit just to get the feeling of order, everything in it’s place.

Watch for my forthcoming ebook, Oh Look, There’s a Squirrel and Other Stories.

In addition to writing about writing, I offer words of wisdom to adult ADHDers and to folks who are adopted. I am both. (Many adopted folks have ADHD, often caused by trauma at birth.)

You’ll find me at LivingWithAdoption.com. For a list of common adoption challenges, grab my free Adoption Checklist for Women: 25 Life Issues.

Given raging ADHD, it’s no surprise that focus does not come to me easily! In addition to adoption and ADHD, I also write random stories from my life, what I’ve observed, what’s in the news, about writing and editing, anything that tickles my fancy.

For a Black Lives Matter from a white perspective, see my stories For White Folks from an Old Gray-Haired White Woman with Arthritis. And Teaching Kindergarten at an all-Black school.

You might also like musings on Staying at Home because of COVID 19: The Good, The Bad, and the Not So Ugly.