Today’s War on Terror
Drone Strike Kills Kamala Harris’s Mother-in-Law
“The woman had to go.”
Barb Emhoff — Vice President Kamala Harris’s mother-in-law — was killed in her California estate Tuesday by a pair of Hellfire missiles launched out of Travis Air Force Base in Solano County. The ‘Over the Horizon’ event caused minimal damage, destroying only Mrs. Emhoff’s home.
At a press conference following the operation, Kamala Harris explained that the 82 year old Barb — charitably described as both spry and opinionated — had strong ties to Al-Qaeda, claiming that she was in 88,302nd in line for leadership of the notorious terrorist group.
Many reporters questioned the legality of the strike, and whether or not it was worth engendering civilians by devising such an attack in a crowded city. Kamala stood firm. “Believe me: the woman had to go,” she said.
Vice President Harris went on to insist that she had received consent from relatives to go ahead with the strike. “We had full support and cooperation from every single person who has married into this family.”
National Counterterrorism Center director Christy Abizaid briefed the president and vice president on the attack plan two weeks in advance. She informed the Whitehouse that the Department of Defense had established a rigorous ‘Pattern of Life’. They could say with 96.3% certainty that Barb would be out on her balcony, badmouthing her daughter-in-law to any passersby, as she did every Tuesday afternoon.
During that briefing, President Biden expressed concern about collateral damage. “What about the dog? Will the dog be okay? I love dogs.”
The President was reassured the family’s Cocker Spaniel would be safe. That reassurance made for a smooth transition to nap time.
When reached for comment, CIA Director William Burns could neither confirm nor deny his knowledge of the operation. When asked what he had eaten for lunch that day, Mr. Burns could neither confirm nor deny the existence of his own lunch.
It remains to be seen how this will effect Kamala Harris’s popularity going forward, although polls conducted since the incident have her at 14%.
Enjoyed yourself? Then read this Stupid:
And speaking of disproportionate tits, I loved this by Verity Simmons:
