Howl

Dreams, Sex & Magic

A full moon ritual for realizing your sexual dreams and fantasies

When was the last time you let yourself dream? The last time you thought about the things that delighted you? That last time you indulged in fantasy — I mean, really indulged?

I hope it hasn’t been that long, though I know for some, it has.

Now how about this: When was the last time you dreamed with your partner? The last time you talked about the things that delight you with a partner? The last time you shared your fantasies with a partner — and better yet, tried a fantasy together?

I find that in our culture that favors the physical world, the world of the tangible, that we often fail to pay sufficient attention to the unseen world, the intangible.

We might pay attention to our frequency of sexual engagement, but so often it becomes a chore or an outlet for our stress. It’s easy to fall into the trap that the physical connection is all we need to keep a relationship — or ourselves — healthy and fulfilled.

But what about all the things we miss when we only focus on the physicality of the act of sex? What about the emotional intimacy we miss out on, the trust we could deepen, the pleasure we leave on the table?

And I can’t help but think about all the power we create in the act of sex that we so often let run through our fingers. Why aren’t we harnessing this power, instead of wasting it?

With a full moon coming, this is a great time to perform spiritual rituals that take advantage of the energies of earth and sky — yes, even rituals around sex and love.

To me, one of the most potent sex practices is one in which you cultivate your dreams and fantasies — both individually and with your partner(s).

This particular dream ritual includes a little bit of assistance from plant medicine. But no, I’m not talking about pot or peyote or ayahuasca. I’m talking about a green teacher who is much gentler: mugwort (Artemisia vulgaris).

Are you ready to give this a try?

The Ritual

Create a Sacred Space

On the night of the full moon (any will do, but tomorrow’s in fiery, passionate Leo will be a great energy to work with), set aside some time with your partner(s). Do whatever feels right to set the stage. Music. Candles, perhaps. Make a space that feels sacred.

Drink

In order to create the ideal conditions for your mugwort tea to take effect, don’t drink alcohol, take drugs, or smoke cigarettes on the day you perform this ritual. If you can, abstain from sugar and caffeine, as well, at least four hours before you begin.

Drink a cup of mugwort tea (recipe below) as you begin your ritual, and sip on it while you work through the next step.

Share

Choose your topic. Maybe you want to share the things that make you happy — within your relationship, or maybe on a broader level. Maybe you want to share the hopes you have for your relationship — where you’re going, how you want to get there.

For the purposes of this article, I’m going to focus on a more sexual aspect of this ritual: sharing your fantasies and the aspirations you have for your sexual fulfillment.

In order to do this effectively, you have to promise one another a non-judgmental space. That means if your partner surprises you with a particularly racy fantasy, you have to be prepared to respond, at the very least, in a neutral manner.

Remember that sharing your fantasies or your hopes for how you want your sex life to evolve doesn’t obligate anyone to take action. This is just sharing.

Direct Your Energy

If you decide to have sex, don’t get caught up thinking about realizing your fantasies or dreams in that moment, but rather, on letting them arise. On letting them develop both individually and between you and your partner(s). On allowing them to become clearer in your imagination.

Set that as your intention. You don’t have to do anything but keep focusing your energy on this intention.

Sleep & Dream

The second half of this ritual is just as magical as the first — but it all happens in the intangible realm — your dreams.

Mugwort is often consumed in order to inspire lucid dreams. After imbibing the tea, sharing your dreams and fantasies with your partner(s), and engaging in sexual activity, you’ll have set the stage for much more to unfold as you slumber.

You don’t even have to sleep in the same bed as your partner(s), though it’s even more potent if you do and your energy is allowed to intermingle while in sleep.

Just be sure to wake up early enough to write down your dreams. Ideally, you’ll also have time to share them with your partner(s) — but if not, be sure to share what you wrote down later that day.

The Recipe

1 part spearmint 1 part chamomile 1 part oatstraw 1/2 part lemon balm 1/4 part mugwort 1/4 part organic rose petals

Mix the loose herbs together. Make an infusion by steeping 4 tablespoons into 1 quart of hot water. Let sit for up to 15 minutes.

A Note About Mugwort

First of all, be sure to consult with a doctor before ingesting mugwort if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, just to be safe. It’s also worth noting that a small percentage of people have hay fever-like reactions to this herb — so you might want to experiment with it in small doses well before you try this ritual.

Secondly, please take note that people react differently to mugwort. It seems to have a mild effect on the majority of people who use it, but some people — including me — have a very strong reaction to it. I have an intense experience when I drink this tea before bed. My dreams are beyond lucid. They are often so real that I’ll wake up several times during the night, as the dreams leave my subconscious and bleed into my conscious mind.

Lastly, keep in mind that mugwort has often been used by practitioners of magic for protection spells. If you have any worries about opening up your subconscious with the help of this plant ally, you can sprinkle some dried mugwort under your pillow to guard your space.

A Note About Timing

Many people do dream magic at the new moon, when the sky is dark and the energies of the earth lend themselves to deep inner work.

I chose to share it on a full moon because full moon energies open us up, shed light on dark spaces, and bring things to fruition. I also find this an intense time of the month, which can make for extremely potent dreams.

You can do this ritual at any moon phase, really, depending on your intentions, or even repeat it at each phase, to see how your dreams and fantasies might arise and evolve over the course of time.

A Note for Those Who Are Single

I highly encourage people who are not in a relationship to perform this ritual by themselves. It can be very eye-opening and fulfilling. You do not need a partner to do this.

What Next?

Ideally, this ritual will allow you to not only open up communication and deepen intimacy between you and your partner(s) but will help you get to know your desires a bit better and hopefully, will allow you to realize them. This will come quite naturally as you let yourself dream and fantasize and share those imaginings with your partner(s).

So…are you ready to do a little magic?

This article was written for Howl by Yael Wolfe, a weekly column. © Yael Wolfe 2020

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