Don’t Get Your Tinsel in a Tangle

Ten ways I now use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to ease my anxiety.

The holidays may look different this year due to COVID-19 and for some that isolation causes more stress, anxiety, and depression.

Do you suffer from social anxiety or extra stress and depression around the holidays? If so, I hope this article helps you to tackle and overcome self-doubt and glide into the new year with contentment and ease. I personally have suffered from social anxiety; in fact, it has caused me to cancel plans at the last minute and avoid what were probably very fun events. Fortunately, through self-study, I have gotten better, built my own confidence, and now enjoy social situations I once avoided.

Christmas may be over, but the parties continue and now we have the added stress of putting the decorations away and cleaning up. The New Year is quickly approaching. You may be sad that you don’t have someone to kiss at midnight or you may be uncertain about what the new year will bring. If you are unable to celebrate the New Year with friends and family, consider a Zoom party. Set small goals that make the new year approachable with a clear vision of your desires so that you can manifest abundance.

You may have gained weight and feel less accepting of yourself. I try to go easy on myself and forgive myself for overindulging. The best thing I can do is try to eat healthy and light for a few weeks. I exercise more after the holiday hullabaloo and simply practice self-care.

When I struggled with social anxiety, I feared what others thought of me, felt others were more confident than I, and worried I would say the wrong thing. Often people with social anxiety think they need alcohol or drugs to have fun. Instead of using alcohol or drugs, I avoided situations altogether. I now know I missed out on a lot and my friends genuinely wanted me there.

“A lot of the pain we are dealing with are really only our thoughts.” ~ Unknown Author

It is important to know and understand what triggers your stress and anxiety. For example, some common triggers are meeting new people, relationships, crowds, making small talk, someone being judgmental, and low blood sugar. Once you realize what triggers you, you can self-soothe once you are triggered. Some self-soothing techniques are walking outside, breathing techniques, and grounding by looking around the room and counting how many windows you see, identifying a smell, and three things that look soft. Another technique used to self-soothe is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Understanding Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy involves developing effective ways to cope with a range of problems due to certain types of overwhelming, obsessive, or compulsive thoughts. When we are in fight or flight mode our thoughts are often distorted. Often thoughts become catastrophized and we imagine the worst-case scenario. CBT teaches us how to reframe our thoughts and question if they are real, imagined, or based on past or perceived future events. Often, it helps me when I ask what my best friend would think of me, or question why my thoughts upset me. When I regain clarity and come back to present moment awareness, I generally feel safe and confident again.

In a clinical setting, CBT is often employed by therapists to treat major personality disorders, however, for the sake of this article, I am only suggesting how I have learned to use the technique to help myself deal with social anxiety and slight seasonal depression. If you feel deeply depressed I would suggest seeking the help of a professional.

Here are 10 ways I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to ease my anxiety:

1. Replace unhelpful scary thoughts with helpful ones.
2. Ask myself if I am overgeneralizing
3. Get rid of the should and what if statements in my mind
4. Stop expecting the worst
5. Value my own thoughts and sense of self
6. Know that I am fun to be around even if I am quietly enjoying the fun. I do not need to lead conversations.
7. Stop applying more pressure to myself than necessary
8. Know that others also have low confidence and self-esteem
9. Dress for success
10. Let go of expectations and stay in the present moment

Most of the pressure on me is self-induced. I am my own worst critic. My thoughts determine my outcome. All that I really need to do is reframe negative thoughts into more positive thoughts in order to overcome my social anxiety. I also need to stop assuming others are more confident than I am. I am sure there are other people in each social affair that are worried about putting their foot in their mouth or forgetting someone’s name.

I know that my closest friends and family value and appreciate my company. I have stopped worrying about what strangers think of me. I do not need external validation because I am confident with who I am. I am living authentically rather than living to please others.

“If you have the need to look outside yourself for approval, you have compromised your integrity. If you need a witness, be your own.” ~Epictetus

When I dress in my own personal style of clothing I feel good, and it makes me confident. I have a style all my own and again, do not worry about what others think. I dress in a bohemian style that is still classy and bold on most social occasions.

Finally, I have let go of expectations and attachments. This is part of my yoga philosophy from my Ashtanga Studies. Attachments have been known to be the root of heartache. Instead, I reframe my thoughts and try to observe each situation free from expectation and judgment.

Tackling holiday stress and depression

Many people feel an increase in stress and depression around the holidays.

“In fact, according to a survey, The National Alliance on Mental Illness reported that approximately 24% of people with a diagnosed mental illness find that the holidays make it ‘a lot’ worse and 40% ‘somewhat’ worse.” ~Discovery Mood & Anxiety Program

Emotions run high during the holidays varying from love and gratitude, to loneliness, overwhelm, and despair. Many people feel a financial strain and spend beyond their means trying to impress or simply please loved ones. Covid has caused social isolation and many family gatherings are getting canceled which causes a lot of added depression and anxiety.

Simple things we can do to feel better through the holidays and New Year:

Distraction through positive activities such as:

• Comedy shows
• Lighthearted movies
• Go for a walk outdoors
• Exercise
• Call a friend or loved one
• Engage in a hobby
• Understand your triggers and learn how to self-soothe

Practice Self-Care:

• Remember to get enough and regular sleep
• Eat less processed foods and sugar and more fresh fruits and vegetables
• Take warm Epson salt baths
• Use aromatherapy
• Use light treatment therapy
• Go to a group yoga class with uplifting energy
• Practice meditation
• Journal
• Listen to soothing music
• Say “no” if you do not want to attend an event and try not to over-commit

Know that everything is temporary.

Allow yourself to feel every emotion freely and without judgment. Remember that tears are cleansing. This is my first Christmas without my dad with whom I was very close. Last Christmas Eve was his last time alert with our family. Christmas day started his rapid decline and he passed away at the ripe age of ninety on New Year’s Day. I am joyous about celebrating Christmas this year, but I also know it will never be the same. Tears are streaming down my face as I type this. I will dearly miss his love and sense of humor. But death is part of our life cycle. I accept that he would want my family to continue enjoying the holiday cheer. I will hold space for him and honor his memory by lighting a candle in his honor.

If you are struggling with loneliness or despair this season, I would urge you to reach out and talk to someone like a coach, therapist, or suicide hotline. You are never really alone even though you may feel lonely.

“Emotional intelligence is a way recognizing, understanding, and choosing how we think, feel, and act. It shapes our interactions with others and our understanding of ourselves. It defines how and what we learn; it allows us to set priorities; it determines the majority of our daily actions. Research suggests it is responsible for as much as 80 percent of the “success” of our lives” ~J. Freedman

Approaching the new year with a higher level of emotional intelligence

As I approach the new year, I am inspired for an upcoming year of success combined with both passion and compassion. I am continuing to build my business and so blessed with new opportunities that continue to present themselves to me. By building optimism, confidence, assertiveness, and patience I am setting myself up to achieve all of my greatest desires. I will continue to build discipline and self-control to overcome procrastination and self-limiting behaviors that have previously impeded self-growth and success. I am now saying yes to opportunities both socially and for business and am enjoying life more than ever before. I have set my intentions for the new year and as I explained in my last article; Setting Intentions According to Wellness Trends and a Positive Tone for the New Year, and I hope you will too.

I know I will face obstacles, but now I look at them as a chance to expand and learn even more about myself. I embrace inevitable stress because I have the tools such as breathwork, confidence, conflict resolution skills, and the ability to empathize with others. I will always be a work in progress, but now that I live, breathe, and move with love rather than fear I have moved from an ego-centered life into a spiritual-centered life. I am willing to take chances, make mistakes, and even fail in order to learn and continue forward and upward growth and progression toward my greatest desires.

I hope you find this article helpful. Thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to read this. I wish you the very best that life has to offer in 2022 and I hope all of your greatest wishes come true!