Summary

The article outlines 12 common mistakes to avoid on a first date to ensure a positive impression and the potential for a second date.

Abstract

The article "Don’t Be a First Date Horror Story: Never Make These 12 Cringe Worthy Mistakes" provides guidance on how to present oneself favorably during a first date. It emphasizes the importance of punctuality, personal grooming, and courtesy, while cautioning against behaviors such as rudeness, excessive drinking, and self-centered conversation. The author, drawing from personal experiences and those of friends, highlights the impact of first impressions and the necessity of mutual respect and interest in a dating scenario. The piece also touches on the importance of not making assumptions about a date's intentions or personal life, and it encourages open communication without judgment. By avoiding these pitfalls, the article suggests, one can increase the chances of a successful date and potentially a lasting relationship.

Opinions

Being late to a date can be a major turn-off and may indicate poor time management skills.
Personal hygiene and presentation are crucial; appearing unkempt or dirty can be a significant barrier to intimacy.
Rudeness, including making negative comments about one's date or their lifestyle, is unacceptable and can quickly end a date.
Frequently changing date plans is inconsiderate and suggests a lack of respect for the other person's time.
Asking a date if they find you attractive can create an awkward situation and should be avoided.
Judging a date based on their dating history or personal circumstances is unfair and hinders getting to know them.
Getting drunk on a first date is inappropriate and can lead to embarrassing situations.
Expecting a date to comply with all your suggestions, especially regarding transportation and safety, is presumptuous and can be off-putting.
Dominating the conversation and only talking about oneself is a turn-off and does not facilitate a balanced exchange.
Complaining about one's life or past relationships can bring down the mood and is not conducive to a positive dating experience.
Assuming a date is interested in domestic roles or responsibilities is disrespectful and may give the impression of looking for a housekeeper rather than a partner.
Exhibiting jealousy or possessiveness on a first date is a red flag and can indicate potential controlling behavior.
The author believes that a first date is an opportunity to showcase the best version of oneself, thereby increasing the likelihood of a second date.

Don’t Be a First Date Horror Story: Never Make These 12 Cringe Worthy Mistakes

Dating With Confidence #1

We all want to make a stunning first impression on a first date. If not, why are we there? In my dating years, before I met my partner, I went on many coffee dates.

Most of the men I met were polite and friendly, but a few put me off with their behavior.

I wasn’t alone. I ran a singles group for several years, and we would all share our dating horror stories. Most of us were dating online so we didn’t know our date before we met.

In 4 Ways to Overcome a Bad First Impression, Dorie Clark talks about the ‘fundamental attribution error’ where humans assume that your poor behavior is an essential trait, not a one off.

So if you want to impress your date and live happily ever after, don’t do these things:

1. Be late

This should be a no-brainer, but please be on time. Your date will be anxious, and if you are late, your date could leave before you arrive.

Your date may also have concerns that your timekeeping will be atrocious later on if you are late on a first date.

We all know people who keep us waiting while stuck in traffic or looking for a car park because they didn’t leave early enough. Your date might not want another person like this in their life.

2. Be scruffy

Never arrive at a date dirty, shabby, or looking a mess. Your date will be looking at your clothes, shoes, hair, skin, hands, and nails.

Clean your fingernails. Most people don’t find the idea of being touched by someone with grubby hands appealing. I’d go as far as saying dirty hands would prevent intimacy in the first place.

Remember you are on a date to see if there is the possibility of a relationship that will include sex. Don’t put them off by being a grub.

3. Be rude

I’ve been on a few dates where my date criticized how I spoke because he didn’t like my pronunciation.

One man cross-examined me about who was at home looking after my daughter and implied I shouldn’t be out on a date.

Others made rude comments about my profile picture and boasted that they would find a partner quickly, not like the losers on the dating site.

Needless to say, I never saw any of these men again.

One of my friends dated a woman who asked how much he earned and got up and left because it wasn’t enough. And no, it wasn’t my friend’s imagination. The lady got up and said, ‘You don’t earn enough. I’m leaving.’

Another friend went to the loo at a restaurant, and when he got back, his date had gone home, leaving him to pay for her dinner.

Don’t become a ‘rude date’ story.

4. Chop and change the arrangements

Arranging to meet someone at a set time and location and then have them keep changing the time, the place, or both is really annoying.

If you make an arrangement, stick to it. You are not the only one with other things in your life, and swapping and changing comes across as selfish.

I dated a couple of men who did this, and I didn’t like it one bit. It was two o’clock in one location for a walk on the beach one minute. Then a text to say could we change to four o’clock somewhere else.

Frequently changing arrangements implies you are fitting your date in around other, more important appointments.

5. Ask if your date finds you attractive

If you like the look of your date, you are probably hoping that they fancy you too.

But never, ever ask the question on the date.

I’ve been put on the spot a few times, and it’s really awkward. Men have asked me what I think of them, if they are attractive to me and if I’d like to be their girlfriend. All on a first date.

Not only are you being socially clueless, but you are also setting yourself up for disappointment on the date. Better to be disappointed later in the privacy of your own home if the answer is a negative one.

6. Be judgmental

Avoid making assumptions about why someone got divorced or stayed unhappily married. Understand that everyone is different and has a different life story. You are in the same situation as your date, despite how you got there if you are single.

Also, don’t make assumptions about your date’s dating history if they have been dating for a while. People go on dates to see if they get on, and if they don’t, they go on more dates.

7. Get drunk

Two of my friends have stories about a date who vomited in the first thirty minutes of the date.

One lady vomited in my friend’s car on the way to the venue. Another lady was so drunk she was passed out on her sofa when my friend arrived to pick her up. Two different ladies, two different friends.

Please don’t do this.

8. Expect someone to do as you say

Don’t expect your date to fall in with all your suggestions. If you ask your date to take a drive to another location or accept a lift home, they don’t have to accept your offer.

Everyone should be aware of personal safety when on a date with someone they haven’t met before.

Women especially have to be careful about putting themselves in risky situations.

A couple of men I dated got quite angry because I wouldn’t get in their car on the first date. Pushing your own agenda and then getting mad when your date won’t comply isn’t a good look.

9. Only talk about yourself

Many women I know have been on dates where their dates talked about themselves all evening, butted in and talked over them.

Other friends have been on dates with women who dominated the conversation all evening. After talking my friends to death, the ladies expected to be treated to their drinks and dinner.

The date is to get to know the other person, not to talk non-stop about yourself.

10. Moan about your life

No one wants to hear about your awful ex and how depressed and lonely you are. If you are on a date, you signal that you are open to a new relationship and a brighter future.

Don’t mess it up by complaining and bringing the mood down.

If you need to get your feelings off your chest, talk to your friends, family, or a counselor, not your date.

11. Assume your date wants to be your housekeeper

I’ve had men ask me if I keep a good home, if I get dinner on the table by six pm every night and if I can make their favorite dessert.

My guy friends told me they were forever doing home maintenance jobs for their dates. Once the job list was complete, the ladies vanished.

Please don’t treat your date like unpaid home help.

12. Get jealous

If you are on a first date, you are there to see if you can get on, if you are attracted to them and if you want a second date. That’s about it.

Your date doesn’t owe you loyalty or fidelity. It’s a coffee, a lunch or a dinner. No more.

If this make you angry, it’s a sign to your date of how you may overact in the future.

Summary

Your first date will be hoping that you are a great person so don’t disappoint them. The date is your chance to showcase yourself at your best, so you will get a second date.

Reading through this article I’m surprised at how many poor dating experiences my friends and I had. These were all people who seemed polite and respectful on the dating website but were awful in real life.

They became dating horror stories.

Don’t be one of them.

This article is part of the The Dating With Confidence Series. I also write The Three Minute Train the Trainer Series and The Monday Morning Manager Series.