Does Crying A Lot Make You Narcissistic?

I was taken aback by this woman’s response to one of my stories

I think a lot of self-importance is a product of fear. And fear, living in sort of an un-self-examined fear-based life, tends to lead to narcissism and self-importance~ Moby

About six to eight months ago, I was going through a phase of psychological unrest. I safely assumed I was “in love” and that caused all the problems.

Deep-rooted insecurities, fear of being rejected, the aggressive urge to prove myself right, low self-esteem, and recurring thoughts of “too good to be true” kind of situations, had put me in a vicious cycle of toxic, unhealthy feelings and emotions.

Perhaps, I was too disappointed, not being seen, appreciated, or reciprocated with emotions or behavior.

Perhaps, I wanted the best for myself.

And yet, all that crying, only made me stronger, far, far away from being a narcissist.

I wept for love, thinking that love is a simple affair, keeping in mind all the ideal images of a thriving, romantic relationship.

Possibly, possibly, my partner and I were on different pages, and it was no one’s fault.

Just two days, a certain someone on Medium called me a “narcissist”.

I was taken aback.

I had never, even in my wildest dream, thought of being called THAT. And yet, you’ll see it in the screenshot below —

It made me curious because, now, that is something I have never been accused of.

I said to myself — how can a loving, sweet, extremely polite, and humble person be ever reflected as someone with narcissistic tendencies?

Oh boy! What a crazy experience on Medium 🤪

I dug in a little, just out of curiosity, and came through the research completely unaffected.

The question is not, whether I am a narcissist or not because I cry a lot, over small things.

There is in fact, no question at all.

This response was made to one of the articles I wrote during my first month on Medium, in September, last year. The idea was to normalize “crying” by all, at all times.

I intended to shed some positivity around the concept by encouraging everyone, including “men” to accept crying, especially by a woman.

This is the article — Men Don’t Like Crying Women. But why? | by Drashti Shroff | CRY Magazine | Medium

So, this is what I want to say to this woman, who is clearly having issues of her own, forcing herself to be strong, and crying only at specific allotted events —

Dear woman,

Crying is healthy. It is a great way to release the emotions out of your body.

If you can’t stand another woman crying on matters or events, which are “insignificant” to you, then it is your concern.

For once, take a minute before you label others, or accuse them of being narcissistic for that matter.

I used to cry, a lot.

Just like many others, who tend to cry when they are angry or frustrated, I do too.

I don’t think anyone in their sane mind, ever intends to cry or burst into a fake cry, just to grab someone’s attention.

Crying is a physiological response to an emotional experience.

Do you think, losing a job or a loved one are life events worthy of crying but unmet expectations from self and others are not?

Alright, missy —

First of all, I do not even know you.

That is why your words are no good to me.

Second of all, you do not know me.

Had you been even slightly considerate, you would either refrain from dropping in such a drastic comment or would make the effort to know more about me, read my other stories, and then conclude.

Third of all, something is really wrong with you, or maybe you are a bot.

Who knows, but also, who cares!

Guess what, your harsh words didn’t sting me.

No one knows my story better than I do.

Lastly, I ain’t proud of the fact that I generalized and gendered men’s attitudes toward crying women, but hey, I at least did it in the least hurtful way.

Perhaps, I had over-glorified the image of Medium in my head and this incident was a nice reality check.

Just a few days ago, I read an article by Gabby Gabs about writers hating each other and I had dropped a sage comment saying how we should ignore such hatred. Here I am, just a day later, writing about it.

It is natural to feel affected by someone’s ugly comment.

You are not a robot.

I still encourage crying. It will take away so much weight from you. There is nothing wrong or no harm in breaking down.

No one knows your story better than you.

No event is either small or big to cry or to not cry.

It is funny, when I think of it, all those crying never actually brought me any more attention than I was already receiving. Obviously, I wouldn’t have preferred it that way, too.

Because guess what —

I cry because I am sensitive. I cry because I am an empath. I cry because I care a lot, give my everything and then, feel hurt when my efforts are not reciprocated. I cry because of the untimely situations I often find myself in. I cry because I can’t hold it in me. I cry because the intensity of my emotions is heavy. I cry because I don’t fear being judged. I cry because there is simply nothing wrong with crying.

And I have a thousand other reasons.

I am sure you have yours too.