Men Don’t Like Crying Women

But why?

Crying is good for the soul. It means something needs to be released and if you don’t release that something, it weighs you down, until you can hardly move.

— Erin Entrada Kelly in Hello, Universe

It’s true. I cry a lot.

I cry over small things, big fights, and unmet expectations. I cry when I am angry, upset, unhappy, or frustrated. I cry when I can no longer keep it inside me. Sometimes, I cry even while I am talking.

The other night, my husband and I decided to talk about and reflect on our experience of living together as a married couple. I wanted to tell him that I often felt overshadowed by his commitment to his work. I was trying to tell him that he should want to come home early from the office and not work overtime, because I deserve his time, especially after eight months of a long-distance relationship.

My voice started breaking down as I spoke.

Even when we were long-distance and we used to get into an argument, I ended up crying on the phone.

He has made it clear a number of times now that he doesn’t like it when I cry.

It’s not only him. My best friend, who happens to be a male too, holds similar views on me crying.

Once, I was very frustrated because I was feeling lost in my ambitions. I had no career and the goals which I was aiming for seemed to be drawn farther away from me, for odd reasons. I felt tired from making efforts. I dialed him with the intent to talk it out. While I was talking, I started crying. He got pissed in no time. Instead of comforting me, he shouted at me asking — “Why do you start crying every time?”

I had no answer. I went on crying and he got more and more irritated by it. Maybe he had a bad day, but what’s with “Stop crying or I don’t want to talk anymore!”

I was offended by his words. I called him because I needed him to tell me that everything will fall in place, just hold yourself in there. I wanted to hear words like, “you are brave, you will shine one day”. But instead, he made it all about my crying. When I asked him “How can you talk to me like that”, still sobbing, he retaliated by saying, “Stop it now, or I will come and slap you right away!”

That was it.

I didn’t speak to him for three months and he didn’t seem to care. Eventually, we met again and we spoke. He never said sorry but I forgave him nonetheless.

I had the same story with my ex-boyfriend too and he always never wanted me to cry.

I am an emotional woman, a sensitive soul. Crying comes naturally to me, I don’t plan to cry. It is hard for me to hold my tears in and pretend like everything is okay.

I do not see crying as a sign of weakness. I see crying as a sign of strength.

It makes me feel empowered to express my emotions with utmost purity. It enables me to vent out my feelings effectively. I cry because I feel things more deeply than others. I cry because it takes the burden off of me. I don’t cry for sympathy or pity. It is a mere expression of my inner self.

I hate to generalize but comforting is not a strong suit for men. I don’t understand why men feel so disgusted when they see a woman cry. It seems there’s no way they can make peace with it. For them, crying must stop at any cost or you invite their wrath!

I really want to go to the core of this.

My husband loves me. My best friend loves me too. Maybe, they hate to see me break down and in pain. They want me to be happy, always.

But they need to understand that crying is not necessarily a bad thing. They need to understand that crying is a natural human process and I have no control over it (even if I did have the control, I would never choose to suppress my tears).

They need to understand that crying does not mean it is the end of the world for them. They need to stop perceiving me as someone they “have to deal” with. They need to stop behaving like my crying is disrupting their mental peace.

I cry, then I stop and move on. It is the best way for me to deal with my stress, anxiety, fears, and insecurities. I experience bliss after every time I cry (more like, “Thank God I cried, I feel so much better now!”). My mind is cleared to think about other things and make a fresh start. By crying, I put out everything which lay inside my heart and I think it is a lot better than keeping grudges, dissatisfactions, and anger in me.

I want to shout out to all the people who cry a lot. Crying is absolutely healthy.

Don’t feel pressured into vulnerability and weakness just because you are made to feel that way about yourself. Being sensitive and emotional is a precious trait that not many people possess.

Cry because it HELPS you.

Cry because it HEALS you.

Cry because it is THERAPEUTIC

Cry because it will make you STRONGER.

Any men reading my story can share in the response section if there is a particular reason why they hate to see their loved ones cry so much. I am genuinely eager to go to the depths of this.

I write about my journey of emotional upheavals and healing. If you find value or comfort in my words, I invite you to follow me on Medium here. To get unlimited access to all the stories on Medium, you can consider buying a Medium membership using my referral link. I will earn a small commission if you do so, with no extra cost to you 😃