Does a Covert Narcissist Hope the Relationship is Forever?

Or is love bombing the means to a discard end?

No one likes to feel used.

It’s so hard to think that the covert narcissist may have played you — love bombing you with full knowledge that they’ll discard you in the end.

It feels disgusting, almost dirty.

Fortunately, it’s the furthest thing from the truth.

The covert narcissist’s dirty little secret (even they don’t know about)

A covert narcissist suffered significant trauma as a child and developed an intense amount of shame — something they desperately wish to avoid feeling.

To avoid that shame, the covert narcissist created a false reality in which their idealized self can be both the victim and the hero.

They have lived their life as this false self, this persona for decades. Not only do they play this role, they become the false self. They’re like method actors.

The covert narcissist believes that their idealized self and their made up version of reality are real.

And for decades, they’ve convinced friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, and even complete strangers this false narrative is real. They’ve created the lens through which everyone, themselves included, sees them.

The covert narcissist is as desperate to preserve this false reality with their idealized self as both hero and victim as they are desperate to obtain narcissistic supply.

Both are subconscious drivers for them. The covert narcissist is not aware they are disordered.

You are their savior.

When the covert narcissist starts love bombing you, they believe you are the answer to their prayers. You are filling both subconscious needs.

Not only are you attractive, educated, successful, and a dream partner…

• You’re so attentive.
• You empathize with their sob stories (stories of the persona, they don’t know are not real).
• You have so much in common.
• You laugh at all their jokes.
• Your friends and family love them.
• You stand up for them.
• You share their dismay at being wronged.

You see them as their idealized self. You don’t yet know none of it is real.

But because you idealize them, you are the perfect partner. You are immediately placed into the role of their top flying monkey.

You take their side and stand with them in all challenges. It never occurs to you there might be an alternate side to each story.

You listen to stories of their conflict and reassure them that they are a good person.

The covert narcissist tells you they love you — even asks you to marry them early in the relationship. They see you as the perfect forever partner and don’t want to lose you.

They never want to discard you.

Until their mask slips and you become the enemy.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

Recommended for you: How Do Covert Narcissists Abuse Their Partners? and Will a Covert Narcissist Become More Abusive Over Time?

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