Relationships/Self
Do You Trust Your Partner Enough To Check Out Other People?
Lessons in trust.
Many people have been cheated on and betrayed at some point in their romantic relationships.
Eventually — one hopes — we can move on from negative or traumatizing relationship experiences and subsequent heartbreaks to begin sustaining healthy relationships based on mutual trust and respect.
That said, when in relationships, how much jealousy is normal, and how much is too much?
Unreasonably jealous people — as in jealous to the point where they track their partner’s movements with a GPS or hire private detectives to watch them — undoubtedly have some serious issues going on.
If I notice my husband giving a glance to an attractive woman I can either react the way I would have 15 years ago, rushing to judgment based on my emotions and immediately thinking he wants to leave me OR I can realize that he’s simply glancing at an objectively attractive person.
After decades of relationship experience, I now know that it’s okay for my partner to notice an attractive person without the sanctity of our relationship coming under threat.
Other women are allowed to exist and be objectively gorgeous. And people will probably look at them — including my husband from time to time. Hell, I might look as well.
There’s always going to be someone to be jealous of. There’s always going to be a person who’s better looking than you think you are or who has all of the attributes you think you’re lacking. There’s always going to be that fear of never being loved by anyone based on how we think we measure up to others in the realm of attractiveness. We’ve all been there.
If you don’t trust your partner enough to allow them to go about their day or interact with others without the fear that they’re going to cheat on you with someone better than you, then you’re either with the wrong person or you need to work on yourself and hone in on why you are so insecure.
Just know that if you’re in a relationship or marriage your partner does see other people. They see them at work, on the street, in restaurants, and basically, anywhere else people gather. And occasionally, your partner may glance at an attractive person. I do it. My husband does it. We all do it.
If a devilishly handsome man walks by and catches my eye for a few seconds, it doesn’t mean I’m about to cheat. It means I noticed an attractive person and then went on with my day.
If my husband and I are watching a movie and I have a crush on the actor we’re watching, I’m not afraid to say it and vice versa. It’s certainly not grounds for divorce.
But for some people, it might be.
It’s taken me years to get comfortable and secure within a relationship built on trust. Some people never get to that point.
My internal gauge of how attractive I look to myself, my husband, or anyone else is based on many things, such as hormone fluctuations, how tired I am, if my roots are done, if I shaved my legs that day, or if I feel bloated. I could go on — but I think you get the point.
No other person is responsible for the amount of confidence or self-esteem I bring into my relationship with my partner except for me.
And vice versa for my partner.
If we let external influences affect our trust in one another, we’ll certainly be in for quite a bumpy relationship ride.
Many people aren’t loyal. Lots of people do cheat. But if you’re going to commit to a relationship or marriage with someone, you have to cut them a bit of slack sometimes. Noticing that other people are attractive is not only normal but also instinctual.
Building trust within the folds of mutual respect and mutual acceptance is what makes a real relationship divine. Learn to know the difference between the real issues in your relationship as opposed to your insecurities.
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