Do Covert Narcissists Love or Fear the Ultimate Empath?

Is an empath the perfect target or their worst nightmare?

Covert narcissists BOTH love empaths and are terrified of them.

They are drawn to them and devastated by them, much like Icarus flying too close to the sun.

There is something the covert narcissist just NEEDS from a compassionate empath. The covert narcissist isn’t sure what it is. They are ruled by subconscious drivers. Yet, they can’t get enough.

Even more important to a covert narcissist than narcissistic supply is the desire to maintain and, when possible, enhance their persona, their false self, their false narrative.

In this false narrative, the covert narcissist plays the roles of both hero and victim.

When a covert narcissist meets a compassionate empath, they believe they’ve found their soulmate.

Here is a person who understands them, who is attentive, who is trustworthy, who cares about them. The covert narcissist believes this person is their everything.

They don’t know they’re wearing a mask!

The covert narcissist is a victim of their own gaslighting. They believe their false, idealized self and false reality are real. Here the compassionate empath shows up to be their leading lady or leading man.

The trouble is, there is a mask. And with that mask come two distinct personas.

These distinct personas explain a covert narcissist’s Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde nature.

Dr Jekyll (the friendly, collaborative one) finds empaths very intriguing.

• Empaths are honest.
• They take a stand for the truth, in all its subtleties.
• They FEEL a breadth of emotions.
• They enjoy their human experience.
• They experience a connection to themselves, others, and the world that the narcissist desires. They are in-tune and present.

Mr Hyde (the rage-filled, sinister one) finds empaths both necessary and scary. It’s truly a love — hate relationship.

Why love?

• Empaths are great sources of narcissistic supply.
• They feel the synergy and connection during love bombing.
• They feel compassion for a victim (covert, vulnerable narcissist).
• They feel the woundedness of the narcissist and show them love.
• They capable of understanding why someone behaves in a hurtful way.
• They see the fear in the narcissist’s eyes and try to assuage it.
• They see the best in people.
• They hold onto hope that people can change.
• They often are codependent, which means they have so much internal shame and self-blame, they subconsciously seek out someone to shame and blame them more.

Why hate?

• Empaths know when the narcissist is lying.
• They feel when something is off in the relationship.
• They notice when the narcissist’s actions don’t match their words.
• They feel the narcissist’s hidden rage.
• They feel the anger behind each passive-aggressive comment or action.
• They feel a shift in their other relationships (as friends and family are turned into flying monkeys).
• They are hard to fool with the false persona long-term.
• They are able to rip off the narcissist’s mask.

This is why relationships between narcissists and empaths is so on again, off again.

The narcissist is intrigued by them, needs, them, and is terrified of them all at once.

The ultimate, compassionate empath is the covert narcissist’s greatest blessing and greatest threat at the same time.

It depends on which persona you’re engaging.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

Recommended for you: What if You Give a Covert Narcissist Everything They Want? and Is Empathy a Gift or a Self-Love Deficit?

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