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1 pm. As if that wasn’t enough, the girlfriend (my friend, was from an upper-middle-class family).</p><h2 id="2aa9">His parents didn’t need money either, they lived very well and had a lot of assets.</h2><p id="652e">He and his girlfriend travelled a lot and had a lot of fun. They were made for each other. The years went by. More than 10 years after dating, both were part of each other’s family.</p><p id="1eb5">They weren’t married yet, but it was as if they were, he slept most nights at her house, and worked at his future mother-in-law’s restaurant at night, but only when he felt like it.</p><p id="b21d">During the day, he only wore suits, because of his job as a bank worker. Her mother bought him clothes. Of course, he didn’t need to pay anything. Well, it was time to think about marriage. They started making plans for the happiest day.</p><h2 id="f57f">And it’s not that the darn thing, he wins around 150,000 euros in the lottery again!</h2><p id="e4fa">OK perfect. So, let’s buy a flat. The future home was a T3, well located and new, I’ve been seeing the house with them and I really liked it. The problem is that the deal had to be done quickly, otherwise they would lose the house.</p><p id="9512">As the lottery money was not yet available, the parents and future in-laws advanced the cash. A month passed, two, three months, and still nothing of the lottery prize. However, one day I was passing by the bank branch where he worked (it was quite far from the city where we all lived), I decided to invite him for a coffee, but unfortunately he wasn’t there.</p><p id="807b">Parents and in-laws started to get worried and decided to investigate why there was so much delay in receiving the amount won in the game.</p><h2 id="21fa">They made the biggest tumble of their lives.</h2><p id="9a0f">There was no prize. He lied, he hadn’t won anything. Furious, they decided to go to his job and ask for an explanation. Well, he wasn’t there… I would even say, he was never there, he never worked there and nobody knew him.</p><p id="ab07">In shock, they went to the bank where he had an ac

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count and learned that the first prize he had won, about 15 years before, was also a lie.</p><p id="c58c">However, every day he left the house to go to work around 08:00 and for more than a decade, I myself often crossed paths with him at that time, when I (really) went to work.</p><p id="2e14">When we went out together, he always had stories to tell about his work, colleagues, and boss. No one knows what he did in his spare time. He said he read the newspaper and magazines in the car until it was time to go home. I don’t know if I can believe it, can I?</p><p id="72e5">The relationship ended, and she had the biggest heartbreak of her life. As punishment, his father bought him a new car, as the one he had was already old. So much luck in one person… I should have known! Maybe I got carried away by reading so many Scrooge books.</p><blockquote id="b7a4"><p>If I gave you 50 claps, it means I read your story in its entirety and liked it.</p></blockquote><div id="2553" class="link-block"> <a href="https://anthony-r.medium.com/list/f27bf248151d"> <div> <div> <h2>About Me Stories</h2> <div><h3>Edit description</h3></div> <div><p>anthony-r.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*2422b7875e173f1f83a36bb04a18539a22848d8e.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="6a7f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://anthony-r.medium.com/list/60d06611fe9d"> <div> <div> <h2>True & Incredible Stories</h2> <div><h3>Edit description</h3></div> <div><p>anthony-r.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*00b07cbb9a854b6e6b92594e9f404827c5db2de2.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Do Covert Narcissists Love or Fear the Ultimate Empath?

Is an empath the perfect target or their worst nightmare?

Covert narcissists BOTH love empaths and are terrified of them.

They are drawn to them and devastated by them, much like Icarus flying too close to the sun.

There is something the covert narcissist just NEEDS from a compassionate empath. The covert narcissist isn’t sure what it is. They are ruled by subconscious drivers. Yet, they can’t get enough.

Even more important to a covert narcissist than narcissistic supply is the desire to maintain and, when possible, enhance their persona, their false self, their false narrative.

In this false narrative, the covert narcissist plays the roles of both hero and victim.

When a covert narcissist meets a compassionate empath, they believe they’ve found their soulmate.

Here is a person who understands them, who is attentive, who is trustworthy, who cares about them. The covert narcissist believes this person is their everything.

They don’t know they’re wearing a mask!

The covert narcissist is a victim of their own gaslighting. They believe their false, idealized self and false reality are real. Here the compassionate empath shows up to be their leading lady or leading man.

The trouble is, there is a mask. And with that mask come two distinct personas.

These distinct personas explain a covert narcissist’s Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde nature.

Dr Jekyll (the friendly, collaborative one) finds empaths very intriguing.

Empaths are honest.
They take a stand for the truth, in all its subtleties.
They FEEL a breadth of emotions.
They enjoy their human experience.
They experience a connection to themselves, others, and the world that the narcissist desires. They are in-tune and present.

Mr Hyde (the rage-filled, sinister one) finds empaths both necessary and scary. It’s truly a love — hate relationship.

Why love?

Empaths are great sources of narcissistic supply.
They feel the synergy and connection during love bombing.
They feel compassion for a victim (covert, vulnerable narcissist).
They feel the woundedness of the narcissist and show them love.
They capable of understanding why someone behaves in a hurtful way.
They see the fear in the narcissist’s eyes and try to assuage it.
They see the best in people.
They hold onto hope that people can change.
They often are codependent, which means they have so much internal shame and self-blame, they subconsciously seek out someone to shame and blame them more.

Why hate?

Empaths know when the narcissist is lying.
They feel when something is off in the relationship.
They notice when the narcissist’s actions don’t match their words.
They feel the narcissist’s hidden rage.
They feel the anger behind each passive-aggressive comment or action.
They feel a shift in their other relationships (as friends and family are turned into flying monkeys).
They are hard to fool with the false persona long-term.
They are able to rip off the narcissist’s mask.

This is why relationships between narcissists and empaths is so on again, off again.

The narcissist is intrigued by them, needs, them, and is terrified of them all at once.

The ultimate, compassionate empath is the covert narcissist’s greatest blessing and greatest threat at the same time.

It depends on which persona you’re engaging.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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