Different Kind Of Pain
Pain hurts. Too much. In different stages. There is a different kind of pain. The pain you can see on your skin, the pain you feel with your heart and pain you have mentally. All pain is different, different for everyone and different in (other) situations.
What kind of pain do we have, how does it feel and what can we expect? The stages of pain and when we realize we have pain is different, but I think what we feel could be the same somehow.
There is pain from someone who hurt you as he gaslights you, there is pain from someone who has beaten you just out of nowhere, there is a pain when you got an accident with your bike.
There is some kind of pain with scars for life. These pain could be small or big, visible or invisible. The pain level is low or high, and that is very different for everyone.
When I fall from my bike as a teenager, it hurts as the stones were hard. As you feel, you get blood, when the wound is over you get a scar which hurts too.
After I graduated high school, I had a pain of how much I have been bullied. It hurts to mu soul, my mental health. Everything that has been said leaves a scar on my soul. One I told my classmates I want to go to the conservatory. The word crematory and conservatory are a bit the same word in Dutch. And my classmates told me: “O, you want to the crematory, you want to be dead.” So that hurts the most. The worse part is that the whole school thought I wanted to be dead. That was not true at all. The school didn’t do anything about these bullying acts of my classmates.
Also, one of my classmates stole my schoolbooks and hid them in the class. I had to find them and even before the class ended I couldn’t participate in any form. How low is that?
One time three girls asked me to come to them because they needed to talk to me. These girls told me I needed a new wardrobe as I couldn’t wear the clothes I wore. I liked what I wore. So, I said no. They wanted to shop with me as they didn’t like what I wore because what I wore wasn’t fashionable. I always believed that fashion is what you like to wear and not what others tell you what to wear.
There was a moment at school you could participate in talent shows. I did as well, twice. The last time was in my last year at school. When I played the violin, they put their lights on. I was surprised. I didn’t know what to do with this. When I finished, my classmates told me they liked it a lot. I thanked them, but the next dat at school, they didn’t talk to me anymore and it was all back where it started. They weren’t nice to me at all anymore. I was so humiliated. They kind of broke my heart. I thought they started to like me.
There was a moment that someone did inappropriate things to me. This abuse hurt me in a way that I can’t love myself sometimes. I didn’t know who I can trust, and whom I can’t trust. That person hurts me.
Yesterday, I had a huge migraine. This hurts in my head. It is kind of a headache you won’t get. You can have it a whole day, a few hours or several days in a row. That is also a kind of pain you have. One is more sensitive for this than someone else. This is physical pain.
Agnes Laurens is a writer. She writes for the local newspaper. Agnes lives in Bunnik, The Netherlands, with her husband and three daughters. Writing is — aside from playing the violin — one of her passions since childhood. She is on Twitter and Instagram.
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