I Have Been Bullied, This Is What It Does With Someone
I have been bullied in primary and secondary school. Every day. It hurts me when I still think about it.
People, This Is What It Feels When You Bully Others
It also shaped me as the human being I am right now. But the thing with people who bully others is that they are insecure about themselves. They project it on someone else. On someone who is actually strong, which they envy, but wants that for themselves. So, they are going to bully you for who you are. They are jealous of what you have. Something you’re doing what the bully actually wants to do or want to have. It could be from playing the violin to having freckles or red hair. You name it what the reason could be. It hurts when you’re being bullied, but I also felt there was something with them why they bullied me. But I couldn’t get a hand on it. I was more introvert at that time, and I have taught not to tell anyone what is bothering me. Just to continue what I am doing. We shouldn’t bother others with what bothers us. Because other people have their own life. So, they don’t have any space for other people’s businesses.
But I have realized, that I should talk about issues that matter to me. Positive and negative. To become a better human being. Get another perspective about the issues. I also love to know why people behave the way they do. Mostly they are insecure about themselves or they have been through something. In the last case, you have to look at their body language. How they react towards you when they’re alone with you or when they’re with ‘their friends’ or behaving with others when in a group. When people behave the same towards you when you’re alone with them the same as they do in a group, you don’t have to worry about them as a person, because they behave the same as the others. But when they behave differently when you’re alone with them, mostly they have something on their mind as well as you do, try to figure it out, even when they hurt you. Maybe they don’t want to hurt you, maybe the other group members pressed that person to act like that.
People pick the most vulnerable people of the class, group or otherwise to bully, mostly because that person has something they don’t have or behave differently or are not perfect in their eyes.
I know it sounds weird, but people do that, we have to live with that. But we also could do something about it. We can stand up for ourselves. It took me until last year to find out how I can do this. My therapist let me know how I can do this. It is not always working for me, but at least I know, for myself, that I have tried. I am more aware of the symptoms of bullying and abuse. It just comes from their personal issues they deal with, but maybe they are not aware of their issues and try to cope with it somehow. They kind of build a wall around them they are safe. The issues will be in drawers and be there until someone triggers them to open these drawers. When someone does this, that person could react with a normal discussion, but someone could also react by bullying you or say nasty things — about anything to use it against you. When others hear about that, they believe that or they don’t believe it, but they will look at you in a certain way you might not be that person they think you are.
My middle daughter has followed a training to standing up for herself more than before. She got so many tips about how to do that. I’m proud she did that. I wish I did it when I was a child.
My oldest daughter also has some difficulties standing up for herself but can do it more easily than my middle daughter.
I can imagine how you feel when someone bullies you. I have been there too. Every day of my primary and secondary school periods and I felt miserable. I felt so insecure. I was crying in my bed and then falling asleep crying. I felt I never could talk to anyone. When I talked to my parents, they told me just to get my head up and continue what I am doing and don’t pay attention to my bullies. It is easier said than done. When someone tells you not to say anything and it said a million times, you will believe it is not appropriate to say and keep your emotions into your body system.
What can you do to stand up for yourself?
- Have clear boundaries for yourself. Don’t let anyone cross your boundary. If that happens a lot.
- You have set rules when someone does across again. Act to it when you said that rule to the one who crossed your boundary. That could be, calling the police. That could be calling your best friend and pick you up. Or go to the teacher and tell your story, just do it every time someone crosses your boundary.
- Write everything that happens in a diary, with time, day and who involved. This helps you clear your mind, but also show that you’re not the crazy one and that also helps when police will be investigating the cause.
- Tell people you trust about the situation. They will understand and they will know when you’re not feeling well or see that anything happened (again).
Maybe there will be more things you could do, but this is what helps me.
This is what helped my middle daughter a lot: say STOP with intense eye contact with whom is bullying you. When this is not working, walk away straight up with a lot of confidence.
I wish I have known that when I was a child. I think it would’ve cost a lot less bad self-esteem.
Story from Quora, I wrote earlier.
Agnes Laurens is a writer. She writes for the local newspaper. Agnes lives in Bunnik, The Netherlands, with her husband and three daughters. Writing is — aside from playing the violin — one of her passions since childhood. She is on Twitter and Instagram.
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