Dementia, My Mother and Me
When dementia and a mini stroke changes a life forever
How to deal with the balls that are thrown at you while you are making plans for life! Dementia nor mini stroke can’t keep a God fearing lady down forever!
My mother’s, 93 years old, vacation visit turned into a hospital long visit.
Saturday, November 17, 2017, had plans to take mother to dinner and out an about the town and on Sunday to a book reading club meeting on Sunday, November 18, with friends and to celebrate my birthday afterwards, just her and I. Had big plans for the next week or so as I prepared to take her back home. Saturday, November 17, threw a punch that Mother and I could not dodge and for the next two months, we lived together in the hospital and rehabilitation center as mother became more livid each day being coupe up in the hospital.
As each day wore on, she became more and more agitated for she desperately wanted to go home. When someone has dementia, they want to go back to their safe zone when they can’t comprehend what is happening to them. This was mother. Every day while there I had to invent and reinvent new strategies in keeping her calm and to remain in the hospital. I made all kinds of promises for later, pretended we were leaving each day but some mishap happened and we couldn’t leave, to saying that the doctor was trying to get her out as soon as possible. I had to do whatever it took. Was it easy? Hell no!! Would I do it again? Have no choice. She is mother! When the ball got rolling, I knew I had to roll with the punches everyday and twenty four seven. Even had friends to visit the rehabilitation center to distract her from leaving. It only worked for a moment. Nothing worked that long. The only thing that truly worked was the night that she left the rehabilitation center, the smile on her face was worth all the gold in the world. It all ended with a smile but begun with a solemn face on November 17.
I awoke early Saturday morning, November 17, before mother to make some chicken soup for Mother because I thought she was coming down with a cold. As the soup was cooking, early morning about 8:00 AM, Mother emerged from her room and as I watched her entering into the kitchen she seem to stagger as she hit the wall. When she got tired sometimes, she’d stagger but this was early morning. I asked if she was okay and she replied she was fine. But she just didn’t look and act like her usual talkative self. My spirit kept telling me something wasn’t right so I watched her every move like a hawk.
As the chicken soup was yet cooking, I made her usual breakfast that she’d normally eat every bite but this morning she ate very little and pushed her plate away from her. Red flag number 2, she’d always, attempted to take her dishes to the sink when she was done eating instead she just sat there. I continued my work in the kitchen as I kept an even keener eye on mother. She got off her stool and decided to sit at the dinning room table and when she sat down that was when everything changed for ever.
Glaring at her every move, I saw her mouth drooped on the right side and when I saw that my heart raced and I started to cry for I then knew something was really wrong. Called my sister really quick and she confirmed that mother may be having a stroke. Hung up, crying and getting myself and mother dressed to go to the doctor, she attempted to console me. As we got dressed, while I was crying, mother kept trying to console me more and more,just like a mother all the while telling me that she was fine. I cried and said, “No mother, no mother, you’re not okay, we have to go to the doctor, we got to to the doctor!”
Within minutes we were out the door into the car and five minutes later was at a local medical center. We were there minutes before the doors opened. I insisted that something was wrong and advised what I had seen with mother’s face. They advised to get her to the hospital immediately. Got mother back in my car and off to the hospital we went. Was hoping and praying all the way while mother was very quiet, very unusual for her. Found the hospital, first time there, I parked my car in the arriving ambulance spot and ran into the hospital like a lioness taking care of her cub, yelling, “I think my mother was having a stroke.” Simi Valley staff was amazing. They rushed out with a wheelchair, got mother checked in and withing ten or so minutes, a doctor was attending her. As the doctor examined her, I watch from behind mother with tears flowing down my face until the doctor advised not too cry for her sake and that it would make her more upset. I dried my tears outside but inwardly my heart ached with much pain.
After the doctor examined mother, he advised that it indeed looked like a mini stroke and further tests would be needed. By now, mother had become very quiet and by this I knew this was serious and all was confirmed when they advised she needed to stay overnight for more test and to be watched. They prepped mother and admitted her to the hospital and gave her a bed. Mother laid there in the bed as doctor after doctor came to her aid. Each was so caring and concerned. They explained and answered all my questions. Mother was yet very quiet. Finally, after the many tests, it was unanimously confirmed the high probability of a mini stroke and an overnight stay is mandatory.
Mother became a little upset about having to stay overnight but due to the effects of the stroke wasn’t her usual feisty self. As I sat at her side, I felt so alone and now mother needed all the help she could get so I had to be strong for her and mustered up as much strength as I could.
Ironically, I was preparing to take mother back to her home after having stayed with me for a couple of months. She was looking forward to returning home. She had been away from home for about three months, a first time ever. Life holds many surprises, some good and some not so good.
Taking all in stride is really the key to life. Otherwise, stress will consume you and nothing changes for the better sooner than meant to be. With mother being upset, I had to be the adult and do everything within my God given ability to get mother back up on her feet and healthy.
After two months, she was finally released and the doctor cautioned me that perhaps, I should admit mother to another rehabilitation facility because he felt I could not handle what I maybe getting into. They had labeled mother and wanted to add her to the list of dementia/Alzheimer patients that are institutionalized indefinitely.
I had made a promise to mother, that I would get her out of the rehabilitation center and get her back home once she was up, walking and talking. She came home and the journey began. There were lots of roadblocks, battles, wars, storms, tornadoes, hurricanes and a few earthquakes but at the end of the day, the break of day came and mother was walking, talking and rehabilitating back to a point of returning to her home needing some assistance.
The lessons to be learned, do all you can to help a love one, take each day at a time and keep the faith that all will pass and stay positive. Whether it is a mini stroke or another ailment, keep a keen and real outlook for the overall picture while examining all options and each outcome. Don’t allow sickness, illness or any situation to prevent you from doing your best for a love one no matter what. I challenged the doctors and their medicine for mother, be the best advocate you can be!!
In conclusion, behind ever silver cloud their is a silver lining, belief and faith in God make all things tolerable and balanced. Never give up!!