Deep Foreplay: For Longer, Hotter, and Squirting Orgasms
Bring her climax to a whole new level
I’ve been having sex with the same man for over a decade. And as most every long-haul couple can attest to, sex in a committed relationship has its ups and downs. As inherently imperfect partners, we all experience bouts of lovemaking that are stale, lazy, and just…not that great.
But I recently had some of the hottest sex ever with my husband.
My orgasm was longer, more intense, and it soaked the couch (and his face) because he made me squirt.
It’s not very often that I experience a squirting orgasm, but when I do, it’s an incredibly powerful, mind-altering climax.
But squirting isn’t the be-all-end-all of orgasms. Not all women squirt. Some do with every orgasm, and some never do. I can have intensely pleasurable orgasms with or without it.
The point here though is that, squirting or not, deep foreplay is the reason I had one of the best orgasms I’ve experienced in a long, long time with my long-term partner.
What is deep foreplay?
Deep foreplay means taking extra (and I mean extra) time to stimulate a woman’s whole body — not just her sexual pleasure zones. It’s a full-body experience for her that might look like playing with her hair, massaging her calves or thighs, kissing her, rubbing her feet, skimming the bare skin of her back and shoulders with your fingers, or anything else that just makes her feel good.
The term, created by yours truly, defines a simple concept. The longer and more in-depth the foreplay, the more aroused the woman becomes, and — the better the orgasms.
Ta-da!
Call me Mistress Obvious, right? But for the men out there in a heterosexual relationship, let me ask you this: How long do you typically spend on foreplay with your female partner?
If you answered something like 15 minutes, then multiply that by 4 for some really deep foreplay. Or maybe 5 or 6. The other night, Hubby spent about an hour and a half on getting me warmed up. To the point where I was scalding hot and begging for his tongue on me and his cock in me.
If that seems like an unrealistic amount of time during our crazy busy adult lives, just think about how long you and your partner spend plopped in front of the TV. If you watch even one movie together one night a week, you can spend much of that movie engaging in deep foreplay while you watch.
Or maybe you listen to music or have drinks and talk while you explore sensual touch with her.
However you do it, your sex life and relationship will benefit if you make time to give her the attention she deserves.
And you know what? The way my pussy reacted by showering my hubby’s beard with my lady pleasure, you would think I must have been starved for real, meaningful, affectionate touch.
And you’d be right.
That’s what happens when couples get comfortable (read: lazy). We forget that we need to take the time to really pay attention to each other. To really give each other all-body pleasure, and not just focus on the sex organs.
A lot of this touch, like a scalp massage or nibbling her earlobes, isn’t necessarily sexual. But it can become sexual once she gets to a certain point of arousal so heightened and intense that the urge to climax becomes overwhelming.
The idea of deep foreplay is about taking her pleasure to the next level. Don’t look at it as getting her ready for penetration, but as getting her so fucking hot and bothered that she wants to orgasm — craves it, needs it — right then and there.
From deep foreplay to powerful climax
Don’t let the amount of time deep foreplay takes scare you. Hubby and I didn’t lie in bed, silently locking eyes and awkwardly caressing each other for 90 minutes. We were actually just relaxing on the couch on a lazy Friday night in, binge-watching the show we’re currently addicted to (Shameless).
He started by lying on the couch and asking me to lie in front of him so he could spoon me. Then, he did a number of things to my body that felt really fucking good. And the longer he did them, the more relaxed and simultaneously turned on I got.
He started by playing with my hair. This feels AMAZING to me and can make me more relaxed than my anti-anxiety prescription. It’s glorious and works wonders on getting into my pants — so he should probably use that move a lot more if he wants me in the mood.
He also gently scratched my back over my shirt. Kissed my neck. Rubbed the bare skin of my hip just beneath the waistband of my shorts. Massaged my ass.
After a lot of touching that wasn’t intentionally sexual, but more about my full body pleasure (like 45 minutes or so), he moved to caressing my breasts.
I was on cloud nine by the time he moved to grazing my pubic area with his fingers and, eventually, went lower.
I turned to him and kissed him deeply. We were suddenly making out like teenagers, and I was so insanely aroused by that point that I felt as horny as a teenager too, with the same butterflies you get from new relationship energy.
It was like he’d turned on a magnet. And my magnet, hidden deep in my pussy, was drawn to nothing else but him.
He could read my reaction easily, and without my having to say a word, he knew I wanted more. He slowly slipped his fingers in my pussy and began circling them on my clit — and that’s when we stopped paying any attention to our show.
He rubbed me like that for a long time, maybe ten minutes or so. We were at an odd angle where he couldn’t put enough pressure on my clit, so I just stayed agonizingly close to the edge of orgasm until finally, I told him, “I need more. Go down on me.”
There was a lot of frenzied action then. He immediately got off the couch and knelt on the floor. I sat up, removed my shorts and underwear, and spread my legs, pushing his head between them as I lay back against the couch cushions.
He lapped at me with delicious pressure and frantic speed, but I still couldn’t get enough, and I pushed his head and asked him for more.
My feet were off the floor, my knees bent and heels propped up on the edge of the couch by my ass. That position made it so I could push off and grind into his tongue and lips. My pussy was as open to him as it could possibly go.
After only a few minutes, I felt that familiar and pleasurable warm release that comes when I have a squirting orgasm. As I came, long and hard, I bucked my hips and thrust against his mouth, drenching his lips and beard.
“You’re squirting,” he said, sounding surprised. (It really is a rare occasion for us.)
“I know…” I wailed, still in the throes of one of the longest climaxes I’ve experienced. The wet ones, for me, tend to be longer. “I’m sorry — fuck!”
I really did apologize. I really am that girl who apologizes too often. I mean, I’m not sorry for squirting and having a mind-blowing climax, but maybe for almost drowning him? Fuck if I know why I do it.
“No, don’t be,” he said. “That’s so fucking hot.”
When I was done, we moved to the bed and he fucked me doggie style. Being penetrated felt out of this world after the kind of orgasm I’d just had.
He didn’t last too long, which was fine by me because I was more satisfied than I usually ever am by that point. Turns out, that much foreplay does a whole lot to arouse him as well. He came inside me, and we hit the mattress, exhausted and satiated.
Deep foreplay 101
Trust me — if you can spend this kind of time on deep foreplay, even just once in a while — the payoff well exceeds the time and effort.
The following is a list of things to keep in mind to give the hottest, deepest foreplay you can.
1. Variety is delicious
Strapped for ideas on how to show her body some loving for so long? Try relaxing on the couch or in bed and watching a show or movie.
Play with her hair for a bit. Massage her feet. Kiss the back of her neck. Rub her hips and thighs. Trace gentle lines down her back with your fingertips. Rub her forearms and shoulders — and the delicate skin around her collarbones. Kiss her ears and touch her breasts and nipples. Massage the skin of her pubic bone and maybe even lower, if she’s ready.
2. Keep the schedule flexible — it lasts as long as it lasts
There doesn’t need to be a specific time minimum or maximum. Don’t assume that once you’ve given her some luxurious attention for an hour that you should stop. Also, don’t think you have to keep going if she’s ready to move on to the sex quicker than you expected. The point is to caress her, tease her, and stimulate her in other ways until she lets you know she’s ready for more. Let her be in charge of when foreplay moves to sex.
3. The end game doesn’t have to be sex
One of the hottest things about my husband giving me this lengthy physical attention is that he put absolutely zero expectations on me to give him sex or pay him back.
If I didn’t want sex, he would have been fine with just giving me some extra physical touch because I was enjoying how it felt so much. This goes back to letting her take the lead. If she wants it to lead to sex, great. If she’s not up for it, then just giving her some of the affectionate touch she needs and deserves is enough.
4. Speak up
Ask her if something feels good, or ask what she might like you to do differently. I’m not a fan of hard massage — I much prefer the softer touch of fingers scratching or rubbing my skin. And, you know how I feel about my hair being played with. If you have that skill, I am putty in your hands. And it’s something Hubby just doesn’t do enough of.
Talk to your partner and see how you might improve the pleasure for her entire body. And when sex does happen as a result, talk to her about what she wants. Maybe it’s going down on her. Maybe it’s sucking your cock. Maybe it’s some intense and emotional missionary style sex.
Don’t be shy about asking her what she wants. And be sure to talk to her about what you want after you’ve spent time warming her up. Mutual pleasure and orgasms for both of you, once she’s hyper-aroused, will feel incredible.
Deep foreplay takeaways
Even the happiest of couples go through slumps. We get lazy, we get bored and restless, we get tired of the same old routine.
Sometimes, even if it’s not intentional, we neglect our partner’s physical and emotional needs. But, intentional or not, neglect needs to be addressed. If you haven’t touched your partner in a physical, loving, non-sexual way in a long time, it’s time to start changing that.
And the beauty of such stimulating touch is that it can likely lead to arousal. But the fact that I don’t have to feel any pressure or guilt if it doesn’t lead to sex makes me appreciate it for what it is: my partner simply spending time and effort giving me something I need.
Now, go forth and touch each other. Lots.
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This story is part of Sexual Espresso, a weekly column published here at Sexual Tendencies.