Dear November,

My New Year: A Change of Scenery

What kind of energy do I leave behind?

Colder weather always transports my mind to a simpler time. The wind in my hometown feels different now.

November has always been a beginning for me.

Since 11/05/1998… (I know, I know, I’m infantile.)

The weeks leading up to my birthday always seem to be chaotic. It’s a recurring theme in my adult life, which is the main thing I’m contemplating here, but I also have questions for you, as always. :)

Embracing Change?

I have moved every year since I turned 18.

The “management” at almost every apartment complex I’ve lived in has been appalling. They get away with violating renters’ rights and taking advantage of people who can hardly afford the cost of being alive as it is. But this isn’t a rant…

November is coming up quickly and my current lease is finally ending. It’s weird how the last few months of a 12 month lease can feel like a long time because of a stressful living situation.

(But what is time anyway…)

I am once again planning a local move because of awful management.

I’ve been wondering what I did to deserve being overcharged (by $900) and having to legally fight them to get my money back.

I always pay rent on time. I don’t bother anyone. I live alone in a relatively expensive city and I have a precious dog and cat to support.

I don’t have time to struggle.

For Context:

In 2017, I moved to Nashville, Tennessee, then moved again locally in November 2018.

The next November I moved to Fresno, California, and made another local move in November 2020. I moved to San Marcos, Texas in November 2021.

I’ve lived in Austin, Texas since last November and I’m planning another unanticipated move. I resented the idea at first, but now that I’ve found a new place in a better location I can’t wait. Thankfully, local moves are a lot more manageable than moving across the country.

There has to be a reason I always end up changing my scenery in November.

Every year I seem to get intensely tested by life or the universe or whatever right before my birthday. As if I’m being pushed to evolve further.

This got me thinking…

Side note: I’m always thinking in great depth — almost to a fault. It’s as if there are multiple tabs open in my brain at all times. Also, there’s always background music. (Everyone Acts Crazy Nowadays by Unknown Mortal Orchestra is currently playing in my head, overpowering the sound of my typing.) I’ve heard about people who have actual moments of complete quiet and stillness in their minds — outside of meditation. They can just zone out and not be thinking about anything… What is that like??

Anyway, I was thinking about haunted places and the energy that people leave behind.

I think apartments are full of energy.

Not necessarily because someone died there or some other tragic event occurred, but because a space that has been home to multiple people is left with traces of their energies.

Their phase of life that revolved around this place echoes in the walls.

Especially if you believe that time is not entirely linear, it makes sense that a place’s history has an influence on its present.

I often mentally revisit the places I’ve lived, curious if the current residents have found evidence of my presence.

The apartment I rented in San Marcos had glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling from the previous renter. I never took them down, and I hope they’re still glowing at night in the bedroom of whoever lives there now…

Living in a shared building with dozens of strangers (sorry, *neighbors*) is less than ideal in my opinion. We’d all love to have our own property with a secure, comfortable, private house. Right?

Not in this economy.

Houses and properties are expensive to maintain, and the only other relatively secure option is to rent an overpriced unit in a complex with at least a few hundred people — referring to most complexes in highly populated American cities.

I swear this isn’t a rant…

I often think about how many people have lived in the apartment I live in.

I wonder how they decorate it, what kind of lives they live, where they are now, etc.

I wonder what kind of energy I leave behind.

If I could duplicate myself in ghost form I would absolutely haunt the places I’ve lived… Not in a scary way, I’d just do nice things like refill the ice cube trays. Plus! It would be top tier people watching.

I genuinely do bless every place I’ve called my home, regardless of the lack of empathy from the people in charge of the property. I hope the next people who live there have a better experience than I did.

Whether or not my good wishes make any difference I’ll never know. That’s why I need a ghost informant. Pictured above.

Questions…

Now I have questions for my fellow dreamers, specifically if you live in an apartment:

Do you ever have dreams that take place in your current home?

Do you dream about your childhood home(s)?

Do you think dreaming about previous homes symbolizes living in the past?

I have never had a single dream that I can remember in this apartment or any of the others I’ve lived in.

I recently had a dream about moving, but I was packing my belongings at my parents’ house. This is very random because I haven’t lived with them since 2017.

Most of my dreams take place in surroundings I don’t recognize because they’re not based in reality. When I have dreams about specific places, it’s never one of the several apartments I’ve lived in.

I do dream about the houses I’ve lived in once in a while…

If the subconscious contains the past and future, maybe it recognizes temporary living situations as less significant than places that truly feel like home.

Maybe it’s just me, and my subconscious doesn’t approve of my current living situation.

How many times have you moved in your life?

Have you ever moved across the country or internationally?

Based on personal experience and what I’ve been reading about relocating, I know it’s one of the most stressful things a person can do.

So why do I put myself through this overwhelming task every year?

Because it’s always worth it.

Every year around this time, I start to get restless.

I rearrange my furniture, look for new alternative routes to work so I’m not driving down the same streets every day, and I explore different trails with my dog rather than walking her around our neighborhood.

I have to get ahead of the SAD. The most patronizing acronym…

Setting up a new home is always a good distraction from the depressive mental state that comes with this time of year for so many of us.

The most enjoyable part of moving is redecorating. I love arranging my paintings and putting up Christmas lights as soon as I move in. My poor cat is always petrified, but she adjusts quickly.

Everything is Temporary

I have learned to embrace change because I have no other choice.

Every time I have to move I learn something new about myself. I survive stress that feels unmanageable and prove to myself that I’ve grown up since the birthday I spent in a mental hospital. 16 was not sweet to me.

How do you feel about change?

Do you enjoy periods of transformation or resent the process?

I think I would get bored if I didn’t create these new beginnings for myself.

The process may be challenging, but I find relief in starting over.

I like to think that life is meant to be experimental.

I get to see more of the world with each relocation.

We’ve previously discussed the illusion of time. I’m convinced that even the present moment is an illusion, which I find oddly comforting.

Everything is temporary. The stress that comes with change, frustrations about living conditions, even the excitement about a new place will pass.

Our mindsets shift as the seasons do; hopefully this reminds us of our connection to nature in a world that’s dominated by the artificial.

“Tomorrow never happens. It’s all the saamefuckingdaayy, man” — Janis Joplin

If you’re still reading, thank you.

I didn’t realize how much I needed to write about this until I started thinking about the energy I leave behind in every place I live at 1am and then wrote 900 words about it in under an hour.

I hope this has been entertaining or relatable in some way.

I’d love to hear about your experiences with relocating!

Thank you for reading!

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