Summary

The content describes a group of time-traveling individuals from the future, known as D.I.A.R.Y. (Diabolical Invasion of Angry Robust Youths), who are attempting to blend in at EV Medium Junior High in 1984 while executing a mysterious plan, amidst challenges like their cover being blown by one of their own and the social dynamics of the era.

Abstract

In an entry dated April 12, 1984, a member of a future cohort named D.I.A.R.Y. documents the progress of their mission to infiltrate the past. The group is facing complications as some students at EV Medium Junior High are becoming suspicious of their origins. Despite efforts to assimilate, one member, Preeti, has jeopardized their cover by discussing future concepts like online dating, and another, Sally, has inexplicably discovered emojis. The group plans to exploit the school's drama to recruit new members and solidify their influence. Their strategy involves a "Divide and Conquer" approach, manipulating the students' interpersonal conflicts and nostalgia for the 80s to their advantage. A second phase, "Operation Moon Landing," aims to recruit a podcast-inclined individual named Gaurav. The author reflects on the entertainment value of the school's chaos while looking forward to the comforts of the future, such as WiFi and Netflix.

Opinions

The author expresses frustration with Preeti for compromising their mission by discussing concepts from the future.
There is a clear disdain for the social norms and technology of the 1980s, with the author mocking the era's encyclopedias and lack of modern conveniences.
The author has a cynical view of the students' behavior, referring to them as "WEAK" and describing their personal dramas and musical tastes with contempt.
There is an intention to use the students' nostalgia against them, planning to remind them of their future failings.
The author sees Gaurav's tendency to offend and his old-fashioned language as potential assets for their mission.
The group takes pleasure in the idea of confusing future generations with references to modern technology and pop culture.
The author acknowledges the irony of being Canadian and thus apologizes for involving the individuals mentioned in their diabolical plan.

Dear D.I.A.R.Y.: April 12, 1984

The evil fetus takeover begins now.

Dear D.I.A.R.Y.,

Anjali, they’re onto us.

Some of the students from EV Medium Junior High are beginning to suspect we’re from the future, as much as we’ve tried to keep a low profile. I know you’ve been hanging with Janet to avoid drawing attention to yourself (hang with the oldest of the gang, smart strategy), but it may not be enough.

Whatever happens, the Diabolical Invasion of Angry Robust Youths (D.I.A.R.Y.) cannot be compromised.

We’ve already encountered some cracks in our operation. The biggest blow was when that bitch Preeti blew our cover, going on about not being born.

Then she just had to go and crush on Smillew, then move on to Reuben!!! LIKE WHOOO in her right mind would fall for an actual person they’ve met in real life?! It’s swipe right or fuckboi, there’s no in between.

We’re leaving her in the eighties, I swear.

And Sally somehow discovered emojis??!! 😰😰😰Like asfjieojslfklsal, what’s next? She’ll put hashtags (remember, it’s called the “pound key” in this time period…gross) on her Trapper Keeper, probably.

I had to Google what that was — thank God we could bring Google with us when we time-travelled. Everyone else is snivelling over their ginormo home-delivered encyclopedias when doing their homework, LOLLLL.

Thankfully, everyone has been too engrossed by the drama to notice us. I think we can use the latest events to our advantage and find new recruits.

Now that you’ve been debriefed, we need to go through the following action items:

Phase 1: Divide and Conquer

These kids are WEAK. Leaky Kiki hates everyone, Kristine is a crumpled up piece of tissue paper lying there (ayyyy, Swiftie reference high-five!) with her fake-ass boobs, and we’ve got Scot and Michael Butt all the way across the world in England finding inappropriate street names to laugh at.

MWAHAHAHA, puberty sucks ass. That’s one thing we still haven’t fixed in 2022…

So we let them have their catfights. We let them screech and squee and listen to Madonna, Lionel Ritchie, and Duran Duran in their teenage angst.

We let them soak up their moments so they can reminisce about the good ol’ days before they go and ruin the economy and housing market for us.

Then when they meet us in the future, we claim our evil fetus status in its totality.

We ask innocuous questions that make their bones ache with age. We’ll throw random tech and celebrity fandom references at them that they’ll scream in terror and run away from.

Then we’ll take ten bites out of our motherfucking avocado toast.

Adelina has so many questions already…that woman lives under a ROCK.

The evil fetus WILL RISE. 😈😈😈

Phase 2: Operation Moon Landing

Now I know that Gaurav and the mysterious white man mystery mooner made your mom’s unfertilised ovaries shudder with horror, but hear me out.

I think we can get G on our side.

I mean, think about it. He already makes dumb jokes that offend everyone and people keep telling him to shut up. The man was born needing to have a podcast.

But he says things like, “Let’s go to the cinema hall” like an old-timey grandfather and I just. can’t. even. (Kiki even called him out on his outdated sayings, so maybe he actually belongs in 1925.)

I’ve already got him telling us random things we need to know about him, so we shall gather more info shortly.

I can’t wait to go back to a world of WiFi and Netflix, but the madness at Ev Medium Junior High is pretty entertaining.

So I’ll play my piano and continue to take notes. Study up and rest well friend, our time will come soon enough.

The clock goes TikTok. We’ll be born again.

This evil fetus is also Canadian, and apologizes for including the likeness of these individuals in her diabolical plan: Anjali Joshi KiKi Walter Adelina Vasile Preeti Ramachandran Gaurav Jain Kristine Laco Smillew Rahcuef Reuben Salsa Scot Butwell Michael L Butler Sally Prag Janet Meisel