THE NEXT INSTALLMENT — SERIAL FICTION

April 6, 1984

My life is OVER!

Dear Diary,

First, I gotta say, I’m like totally OVVVVAH Kiki. I didn’t want to fight anymore and thought we were gonna patch it up or something and then she spread a rumor about me all over the school.

SHE EVEN HAD IT ON THE MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS!

UGHHHHHH

Principal Burger Burg posted it.

I COULD DIE RIGHT NOW!

I’ll tell you what happened if you don’t let that skank, Craggy read you…

I was at the mall with Kristen playing Ms Pac Man. She is SOOOOO good!!! I think her nimble recorder-playing fingers give her the edge.

Anyhoooooo, Bitch face Leaky Kiki walks by me. She had this really kewl crochet handbag that I think was new and I was gonna say something like…

Nice Bag, Slut Bag. Do you carry PADS in there?

You know, as a way to make her want to be my friend again.

We’d have a good laugh/cry, and we’d be good.

But, before I could, she hauled up and whacked me with the bag! It was full of quarters for the arcade, so it really HURT! Worse, I spilled my Orange Julius all over my fave off-the-shoulder neon green oversize sweatshirt. My BRAND NEW fingerless lace gloves are ruined! I literally, just bought them with my allowance money.

EVERYTHING IS RUINED THANKS TO HER!

But then…………………………!

She almost offered to help me wipe up, but she started laughing.

You know how I’ve been waiting for my titties to come in? And, I’ve been doing my exercises, RELIGIOUSLY!

We must, we must, we must increase the bust. We will, we will, they’re getting bigger still.

Welllllll, the wet Julius went down my open shirt, soaked my bra and my tissue boobs fell out of the bottom of my shirt.

They landed right at Leaky’s jellie shoes.

I’M SO EMBARRASSED! Smillew is never gonna wanna see me again!!!!!!! I hear he is collecting toilet paper now. Probably planning to TP my house or tease me!

MY LIFE IS OVER!

So, Diary, I’m gonna embarrass her WORST!!!

I’m gonna send Bicho an anonymous note about the tape he got……

FROM BITCHFACE LEAKY KIKI!

She was trying to be all romantic and shit but it’s just

Pathetic!

Then, I’m gonna tell her Reuben thinks she’s, and I quote!, a silly little girl.

THEN I’m gonna tell Susan (you remember the one always in detention) that KIKI called her Sue-Man McComical! She’ll hate that and probably call her out and beat that smug face right off her!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I don’t even remember Reuben’s cool pool party anymore. I’m so bummed.

Oh, but she’s gonna know that Sally was mooned by Rodrigo. I saw his mole on his white ass when his swimsuit fell down at the pool.

BUT NOBODY’S GONNA CARE!!!!!!

BOYS HAVE IT SOOOOOO EEEEE-ZZZZZ!!!

I’m gonna find that stoner kid, Hogan, and get in with his crowd.

It’s my only option.

MY

LIFE

IS

OVER!!!!!

buh bye 4ever

I know this sounds, like, “fake” but you know, it doesn’t feel it. No one is ever gonna wanna go to the dance with me. Even these people, who are totally real people and think I’m “making this up.” GAG.

Like I wouldn’t… or would I? Anyhooo, Kiki started it.

KiKi Walter Sally Prag Kristen Stark Smillew Rahcuef Reuben Salsa Preeti Ramachandran BichoDoMato Michael Burg, MD (AKA Medium Michael Burg) Bernice Puzon Gaurav Jain Rodrigo S-C Hogan Torah Susan McCorkindale Adelina Vasile