Dear Cisters: Why did a trans person block me when I just wanted to discuss their rights and safety?
Especially when I’m just trying to help them
Welcome to Dear Cisters, the column that’s more like Dear Abby than the Savage Lovecast. I’m your host Stephenie Magister, transgender writer/nerd/editor for award-winning and best-selling books.
Today’s question is an expansion of an excerpt from TEN TRANS QUESTIONS
Because surely you’ve tried to have a calm, polite discussion with someone about their rights and safety. You probably had their best interests at heart.
Maybe you put a lot of thought into asking a question you’d bet they haven’t thought of.
Maybe you put even MORE thought into how to help them stop sabotaging themselves.
And then…
Dear Stephenie,
I would LOVE to debate with you how to give equal rights to trans people. I need your insight, because I believe ALL people deserve equal rights. So before you answer, please ensure your solution would protect ALL people.
Your safety, security, and ability to thrive can’t move forward unless you have a solution that improves or at minimum does not disrupt the status quo. Otherwise, trans people will need to continue living without equal rights. It isn’t fair to ask anyone else to have less just so that we can all be equal.
Sincerely, Symbolism is awesome, n’est-ce pas?
ANSWER
Hi there person with oddly-specific-but-certainly-consistent French affectation,
For you to debate whether people with trans experiences should have equal rights presupposes there are worthy arguments that they shouldn’t.
There aren’t.
There will never be an argument for why people with cis vs trans experiences should not have equal rights.
Why are you wasting your precious time on this planet arguing about this?
Don’t you have something better to do than JAQing off? (Just Asking Questions…)
Especially now that you’re aware the manner in which you’re trying to help is having a harmful impact?
We all appreciate how much effort you put into formulating your argument, but the next time you encounter a transphobic position? Be that yours or someone else’s?
The best thing you can say on my behalf is: “That position hurts trans people.”
Especially if that’s you!
If they (including you) start to argue whether holding a position that hurts trans people makes them transphobic?
TRANSGENDER SOAPBOX RECOMMENDS: DAVE CHAPPELLE ONLY TELLS HALF THE TRUTH
Leave them alone. That’s not what you said. That’s not what you meant.
You described the IMPACT of their position.
If they keep arguing, you can walk away. There’s no point in talking with someone who won’t respect four simple words: “That hurts, please stop.”
Because if they won’t stop?
Not only is there no point in talking to them, it’s probably dangerous.
THE END (DAMN GIRL, THAT’S DARK)
Hi, it’s Stephenie!
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