TRANSGENDER
Day 9: What is Going On?
My journey on T
I’m feeling… I don’t even know today
- I can’t decide if I’m tired or full of energy
- Hunger hits and disappears
- And my arms are SORE!
I’m still super happy. My feels are strangely stable and I can’t even force myself into overwhelm. The smile is still on my face and I don’t quite have the words to fully encapsulate the harmony and balance I’ve got going on. And through all of that, I feel totally, meh.
Ok, so it’s like if I felt like this a few weeks ago, I’d be having random bouts of angry outbursts and tears and I’d be stressing about everything I need to and I’d be freaking out about the whole problem I’m having with actually get paid by this site (hoping support will get back to me soon — hint, hint!) and I’d be craving chocolate and coffee and procrastinating and… I’m just, like, none of those things!
It’s like I’m having a bad day but I’m still actually ok and I don’t really know how to process that.
First: Energy
I’m bouncing in a moment from so tired I could fall asleep instantly to thinking about going for a walk or a run. In the few seconds I take to consider the steps needed to do either, the feeling has shifted and by the time the confusion has cleared, it’s shifted again. So weird.
Next: Food
I’m not hungry, like ever — well, hardly. Which is weird. Before I went on T, I kind of thought that either I was always hungry or I literally had no idea what hunger felt like. Oh, how things have changed. Now, I’m hardly hungry at all but when I am, I am FIERCELY hungry and every time I’m hungry, my body kind of directs me to what I actually need instead of telling me:
EAT THE SUGAR, EAT THE BREAD.
And, when I do eat, the hunger passes and then I’m like, yeah, that’s enough. What? Why the hell couldn’t my body do this before?
Finally: OW!
Holy hell my arms are sore right now. Even just typing this, my arms are feeling it like it’s a workout. Oh wow — is writing a physical workout now? Imma gonna be so buff! Haha. But seriously, they just feel so heavy. I did a little work on my arms today but not much. Not enough that they should feel even close to this. Oh, right, I almost forgot, I did squats this morning and… they were easier than ever before. Again, not sure what that is about yet but I’m keeping an eye on it and I’ll continue to report back
That’s a wrap for today!
BONUS ROUND:
My housemate and friend just gave me what I like to call a Ras-Bar (limited edition raspberry-flavored Mars Bar). They are sooooo good but I just didn’t feel like it so I put it in the fridge.
WHO THE HELL AM I NOW?